


Warm Me Like Sunshine

by rainbowslovehl (Larrymateforlife)



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Awkward Flirting, M/M, Miscommunication, Oblivious Harry, Oblivious Louis, Pining, Slow Burn, Social Anxiety, Tumblr, cuz they're dumb, which is a big part by the way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-04-28 08:51:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 45,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14445729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Larrymateforlife/pseuds/rainbowslovehl
Summary: The pictures weren’t as surprising since Louis had seen him around with a giant camera hanging off his neck, and occasionally clicking passersby. What surprised him were the written parts, occasionally spread out between his photos. They ranged from random song lyrics, a few of which he recognised, mixed in with quotes, that he claimed he wrote himself. They were haikus or poems, mainly about love and longing for someone. And of course he wrote poetry, Louis shouldn’t be surprised. He did seem to be the type of person who are just perfect in every aspect.Or alternatively, Louis accidentally discovers that Harry, the boy who he likes, has a tumblr account. He thinks it’s a chance to talk to him online without actually talking, getting to know him before they converse in real life. But things don’t go according to the plan when he finds that Harry is pining over someone who seems to be perfect. It gets worse when Harry starts talking to him in real life as well, since now he has to hide from him that his online friend (Tommo) is the same as his real life friend (Louis).





	Warm Me Like Sunshine

**Author's Note:**

> So hiii I was nervous if I would be able to finish it but here it is and it got way longer than I had expected, to be honest. I had been working on and off on this for a year and feels so good that's it's finished. It was inspired that one prompt two years ago which was like you discover your crush's blog and they talk about someone else and you realise that someone else is you. And then it spun out of control really.  
> I'd like to thank Ammu, my emotional cheerleader who's been waiting for this for too long and it's like an early birthday gift for her, of sorts. And I'd like to thank [Chloe](https://chloehl10.tumblr.com/), my britpick/beta for helping me out. The lovely [Laura](https://stressedl.tumblr.com/) for making the art for my fic and inspiring a little bit of my fic at the end. And also thank you to the mods who organised this big bang exchange.  
> The poems/haikus that come within the fic as written by Harry are actually poems by [Tyler Knott Gregson](http://tylerknott.tumblr.com/) who might the larriest non larrie poet. They're beautiful poems too, one of which has inspired the title. The poems aren't necessarily posted by Harry at that exact moment but they're go with the situation they've got at that point.  
> And being said that, this fic is a complete work of fiction. Do not send it to anyone even remotely related to the boys or post it somewhere else.  
> I hope you all like it!

_  
_ _"Warm me like sunlight, soothe me with rain,_

_Burn me with passion and steal away the pain.”_

 

It was a usual Thursday in October.

Louis pulled his jacket tighter around himself, burrowing himself in the warmth he craved. The air was getting chilly as November approached, and Louis didn’t do well with cold weathers. He had tendency to get cold easily, which led him to falling sick in December. It was sad, since his birthday was in December as well, when it was snowing outside. He rubbed his nose against the back of his palm, sniffling as he made his way down to literature class. The closer he drew, the more excited he grew and it was a usual thing as well. He didn’t look around him as he walked in, skipping over the trick step and almost falling onto his seat. He was in a happy mood today, for some unknown reason. And even the step which always got him stumbling had been skipped with ease. He grinned to himself, taking off his beanie and shaking out his hair.

Sitting almost at the back of the class meant having the perfect view. He could see students trickling in slowly as their chatter filled up the room. A few passed by, heads ducked down and Louis could understand, since it was only eight in the morning. He closed his eyes as he waited for his breathing to slow down to normal before opening his eyes again to feel a familiar swoop in his stomach. But that swoop died as quickly as it had come, as he found the seat in front of him empty still. His bright mood dimmed, and he wasn’t disappointed, he lied to himself. He wasn’t, he insisted fruitlessly as he slumped in his seat and frowned at his hands. Minutes passed, and even the professor had arrived but there was no sign of the curly haired bloke who sat in front of him. Louis’ foot began tapping worriedly as he groaned internally. Of course he wouldn’t be here, he thought.

He knew he was overreacting right now, mainly since Louis hadn’t ever exchanged more than a few sentences with him. But he couldn’t help it when his heart sighed.

Just as he had given up hope for his arrival, a crash was heard from beyond the door. Heads turned and Louis saw a figure stood at the door, head bowed and shoulders heaving. Harry looked up to shoot the professor an apologetic grin, who was instantly charmed, and let him in without a glare. Louis had to bite down on his grin as he looked away and played with the hem of his jacket. From the corner of his eyes he was watching Harry, who was walking towards him with flushed cheeks and eyes focused on the floor. He skipped the trick step as well, grinning to himself. Louis was smiling as he looked down at his fingers, knowing that watching him for too long elicited that reaction. But he found himself looking up a moment later, finding green eyes intent on him and staring right back. Louis blinked stupidly, heart picking up pace and stomach swooping but Harry had already looked away and sat down on his seat. He didn’t know if the boy was looking at him at all, but he smiled as Harry messed up his hair before pushing it back. Louis had to press his lips together to stop the loony smile he knew he had, as he zoned in and out of the whole lecture.

It had been a few weeks since Uni had started, and almost immediately he was infatuated with Harry. Louis hadn’t been able to take his eyes off the beautiful boy wearing a flashy yellow patterned shirt and sitting in the back. He had been so distracted that he managed to walk towards him and trip over a step a few centimetres from him. Louis had stabilised himself quickly by grabbing onto the nearby desks, assuring the boy he was fine. He walked past the concerned green eyes with a blush high on his cheeks and took the thankfully empty seat behind him. He usually tended to take the front seats, since it helped him concentrate better but due to the beautiful bloke, he now sat in the back just to stare at his head. Louis got to know his name was Harry a few days later but they never talked. Except for the one time when Harry dropped his pencil and Louis quickly reached for it and he thanked him. It was all the interaction they had had for weeks, and Louis spent most of his lecture staring at Harry’s beautiful, curly hair and missing most of everything.

Like even right now Louis had no clue what was going on, and he had resigned himself to it. Liam, his flatmate and best friend, told him he could use the tutoring excuse, since he needed it. He talked as if talking to one’s crush was easy, especially to a person suffering from social anxiety, like Louis. His voice would get stuck every time he even thought of talking, and there was no way he would make a fool of himself. There was a reason why he wouldn’t handle the cash register often at work, he explained to Liam, who of course never understood. Louis knew Harry was a nice person who wouldn’t laugh at him but the irrational fear was still crippling. Anxiety was a bitch, he told anyone who asked and to himself. And that was the only reason why he was here, weeks later and unable to make proper conversation with his crush. And his affection and anxiety was crushing him at this point. It left behind residual sadness, along with his anxious thoughts which told him he’d be able to do nothing. It was not a great feeling.

Louis sighed heavily, his body feeling drained by his anxiety and regret already as he leaned back in his seat. And before he knew it, the lecture was over and everyone was headed towards the door. Louis, having no further obligation and having half an hour to waste before his shift, stayed in his seat. His eyes were fixed on the only other person who wasn’t rushing towards the door, in a hurry to head somewhere. Harry had placed his pencil and book in his backpack, but instead of getting up, pulled out his phone. He seemed to be pretty engrossed in it, even mumbling under his breath as he typed. From the angle Louis had, he could see the side of Harry’s face, his tongue poking out in concentration. His fingers were moving slowly across the screen, and the movement was interesting for Louis to watch. It was only due to the fact of It being Harry that the mundane task was endearing as hell.

At first Louis tried resisting the urge to glance at the typed words, but then his curiosity took over. He shifted a little to the side so he could peek over his shoulder and the things which happened after were purely unintentional. Or at least that’s what he reasoned it as later. He had hoped he would catch him sending a text to someone, or checking his mail or something like that. But he was in for a surprise when he found out it was neither. He wasn’t typing  _to_  anyone.

Open on Harry’s phone was an app, or so he spied. An app he vaguely recognised as tumblr with its blue background which he had seen on his sister’s phone. It was a blogging site, as far as he knew and remembered. While still holding his phone, Harry shouldered his bag and turned around slightly, finding Louis sitting there. And his expression and the little jump might have been funny if Louis wasn’t so anxious at that very moment at being caught. He didn’t know how his face might look, but it would certainly be guilty or anxious or both. Harry stilled in his spot, staring at him with wide, surprised eyes as a light pink hue spread across his cheeks. Maybe at being caught, Louis reasoned before wondering what exactly he had been typing there. He tried schooling his face into a smile, rather than whatever it looked right now. And slowly, he watched as Harry’s lips quirked into a smile as well. And almost immediately, he turned and practically ran out of the place. Louis was left staring after him, alone in the empty lecture hall. He was feeling confused by his actions, before leaving a gust of air he didn’t know he was holding. He shook his head at nothing as he composed himself, picked up his bag and walked out of the hall as well. Harry’s small smile never left his head, and neither did his mobile screen.

~**~

_“I saw your face and my stomach came to life._

_They were not butterflies,_

_They were eagles and they were owls and they were dancing.”_

~**~

When Louis arrived back home at his flat at around seven, he found it empty. He hadn’t expected otherwise, since Liam had said something about a late shift. He slumped down on his couch, pulling his legs up to fit himself as he threw an arm over his face and groaned. It wasn’t ideal or comfortable to bend your knees while wearing jeans as tight as he did but he didn’t bother to change. He felt exhausted, more so due to the social interaction than the scooping ice cream part. It had been a slow day at work, meaning more time to think about Harry. He had struggled all day with it, going back and forth over whether or not to just Google Harry’s blog name and find him. It was a constant torment, hands inching towards his phone. But somehow Louis was able to keep his thoughts at bay as he smiled and served his customers. But now, without the distraction, he couldn’t help as his hands moved towards his laptop which was inconveniently placed on the coffee table in front of him. It took about five minutes of struggling between morality and curiosity for the latter to win. So he sighed as he picked up his laptop and sat upright again.

Louis stared blankly at the Google homepage before he realised his problem. He couldn’t, for the life of him, remember the blog name he had seen that morning. Like faintly, yeah sure. But actually? Not at all. He knew it was one big word, and something which was corny and would make him laugh, if not for having sneakily read. And he couldn’t just type in ‘Harry’s blog’ and be led to it, even if he did try once, just in case. That would’ve helped a lot, he thought as he sighed. Life often laughed at him, and Louis was used to it. So for the next few minutes he stared at the screen, watching as it faded to black and feeling helpless. He sighed.

He heard the front door open and close. A bag was dropped heavily to the floor, before his flatmate walked noisily towards the couch. He collapsed on the couch beside him, reeking of sweat. Louis scrunched up his nose at the stink, and was shaken out of his thoughts and he moved quickly away. Liam, though, seemed completely unaware of his bad body odour. He leaned in closer to Louis as he tried to peek at his black laptop screen and frowned. “What are you doing?”

“I’m thinking,” he replied, scooting away from Liam and sighing. “Can you please wash up? You stink.”

“Thinking about what?” Liam asked, before leaning back enough to sniff at his armpits. He wrinkled his nose before lowering his arm. “Okay you’re right. I was going to wash up at the gym itself but they were closing up. Then I jogged home so yeah, should have showered.”

“I don’t care Liam, just get away.” Louis ignored Liam’s earlier question, tapping on a random key to get back to his browser. He knew if he answered honestly, he would be getting a pitying look and a stern talking to at the same time. And then he would take away Louis’ laptop and phone to stop him from searching for Harry’s blog, and try to convince him to just talk. Again. Liam was all about expressing feelings, wearing your heart and talking it outright. While Louis was decidedly… not that. Liam tried, but never could understand why Louis couldn’t do the same as him. He didn’t understand that some people, like Louis, were just not good at interactions or dealing with rejections, for that part. Liam was too up in his head sometimes. But also, Louis was a coward but that was neither here nor there.

Liam, luckily, didn’t prod him further on the issue and left him to it. Louis waited for him to go into his room and shut his door before he started typing furiously into his laptop. He tried any combination he could remember, which gave him either no results or something which was far off his goal. He knew the name was somewhere in his head, on the tip of his tongue but he couldn’t access it. He hadn’t envisioned this being the problem at work. Louis’ memory was failing him when he required it the most. Too many variations were leading him to ‘does not exist’ pages or some other blog and he was starting to lose hope. So he glared at the screen since it wouldn’t give him the right results, and that was when Liam padded out his room. He looked freshly showered and was wearing soft clothes as he walked right into their kitchen. ‘Kitchen’ for them was just a small, half wall separating the two rooms. A small kitchen wasn’t necessarily a problem for them, since most of their cooking was limited to the microwave or tea. Sometimes Liam made them healthy smoothies or Louis made pot noodles or other instant, pre-made stuff. Right now, Liam was taking out stuff from the cupboard and looking into their fridge for food. And food was exactly what he needed. It would help him think. And also make him finally change into his sweats and clothes which didn’t cut off the blood supply to his legs.

“What are you making today, Li?” Louis asked, keeping away his laptop and stretching.

“Heating up last night’s leftovers.”

“Alright then. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

Louis quickly ran off into his room to change into his sweats and walked out. He found Liam placing both their plates on the coffee table and grinning at him. Louis grinned back, taking his plate and listening to Liam chatter away about his day. He relayed him with stories from work, and little tidbits from his day which Louis listened to and nodded at. It wasn’t long before his mind wandered off to that morning again. He had seen in some crime show how recollecting events and observing them closely helped you remember details which you previously missed. So he did just that, focusing hard on the memory. His initial intention was to remember the blog name he had seen on the screen, but instead he remembered just about everything else. He remembered the gust of air which blew Harry’s long hair and cologne towards Louis, how the little tufts of hair were blown to one side. He could remember that Harry’s phone case was rose gold, his fingers containing four rings. Heck, he could even remember the exact colour scheme of his blog, which Harry had clicked on accidentally and frozen for a little longer. He could recollect the name as well, which he knew was wacky and utterly a Harry thing but... well. He opened up his eyes again, sighing dejectedly. It was eating him up from the inside. And he needed help. All this struggle of his was proving to be fruitless.

“Banana?” Liam asked, holding the said fruit up in his vision questioningly. Louis stared at the fruit, frowning before looking up at Liam’s concerning gaze. And then looked back at the fruit and gasped. It clicked. Fruit! That was it!

“Banana, of course!” he exclaimed a little loudly and it made Liam jump back in surprise. He grinned wildly at a very confused Liam, before he leapt towards his laptop. He quickly opened his web browser and typed in the name before it slipped out of his mind again.

“So do you want it, Louis?” Liam asked, looking puzzled at Louis’ weird reaction and not knowing what had prompted it.

“No but thanks, Liam,” he murmured distractedly, as he hit the enter key. It watched the search results with bated breath and clicked on the blog it showed. He gasped happily in surprise as Harry’s blog, the right one opened up. He recognised the profile, consisting of a banana with sunglasses he had seen in the morning. But the layout was different, consisting of a yellow themed banana background. It was all so yellow and banana-y, and how he couldn’t remember before was a mystery to him.

 _‘Hereforbananas’_  was the blog name, something utterly ridiculous but it did mesh well with Harry’s wacky sense of humour. They hadn’t talked before, but he knew it since he had heard Harry’s infamous knock-knock jokes from the sidelines. He had also seen him wearing a white shirt with tiny, half-peeled bananas on it more than once. And combining that with the fact that he had a knack of deep throating a banana before class while sitting in front of him on numerous occasions, he wasn’t that surprised. Although he tried to forget the deep-throating memory, since it was weirdly sexual how he did that. The bloke was obsessed with bananas. Rather bananas over the fruit, his mind supplied and he mentally sniggered over it. The bio on top was simple, saying ‘you can call me Harry but I go by H as well’. And that just confirmed that it indeed was him. And this was happening. Oh fuck.

“What are you looking at?” Liam asked, sliding in closer to Louis to peek at his screen again. This time the screen wasn’t black, rather containing the information he’d rather hide. Louis had actually forgotten about his presence in his excitement, and hence rushed to hide his laptop. But it was too late, as Liam’s eyes had already zoomed in on the bio and were widening in recognition. “ _You can call me H_... is that Harry’s blog, Louis?”

Louis avoided looking directly into the eyes of his friend, giving up his attempts at hiding his screen. Without looking, he knew Liam would be sporting a scandalised look and Louis was in no mood to be judged at the moment. Still, Louis could see his face reflected on the screen, could see his eyebrows furrowed together and lips pressed into a thin line. Louis knew he had a long lecture coming now, like he always did.

At the very start, Liam had been very patient with him and sympathised as he listen to Louis babble on about Harry. He was used to hearing about the beautiful boy with curls who sat in front of him. Then it was the beautiful boy whose name was Harry. Then it was beautiful Harry, who he could never muster the courage to talk to. Liam knew his obsessions, knew his fears and he also knew about Louis’ inability to talk to beautiful people and crushes. Or sometimes people in general. He had been encouraging at the start, but had slowly started losing his patience. He was now at the point where he would call Louis pathetic and threaten to lock him in a closet with Harry. And Louis never stopped finding it ironic. He found it lucky that Liam went to a different Uni, or he would have done just that. Louis sighed, closing his eyes as he braced himself for the upcoming lecture.

But the lecture never came.

Instead, a loud sigh and a question came his way.

“How did you find it anyway?” he asked, his tone one of resignation. Louis had a suspicion that Liam was thinking that he had become a complete stalker. But that wasn’t true. It was just an accident to stumble upon his blog, after watching him from a distance. Just that. So he peeked an eye open and saw the blank expression Liam held, along with the twitch of his lips as he fought a frown. He was trying to be supportive, Louis assumed, which was a good thing but also quite strange of him. It might be due to him being exhausted but Louis didn’t ask him.

“Saw him on tumblr this morning and I thought...”  He trailed off, not bothering to finish the sentence, didn’t need to.

“So you thought you’d be weird about it?”

“No,” Louis grumbled, scoffing as he crossed his arms over his chest. “I just thought I would get to know him better. And that would help me converse with him. That’s all.”

“Talking would be a good way to get to know him, but whatever you say, Tommo. Do your thing.” Casting one last disappointed glance at Louis’ laptop and then back at his face, Liam shifted away until he was at the other end of the couch. He pulled out his phone and left Louis confused at his unusual behaviour. But he would take confusion over his long drawn speeches any day, so he didn’t complain and looked away. He made a mental note to be sneakier, so as to not let Liam know more. And it would entail not scrolling through Harry’s blog when he was in the living room.

But he could do it now, he thought as he took in a deep breath. He looked at Harry’s blog again, taking in the bright yellow theme of it which matched his username as well. Despite his wacky theme, the content of his blog seemed to be quite serious. There were pictures, he noticed, which Harry had taken himself and spread out in a black and white theme which contrasted the bright, colourful background. The pictures weren’t as surprising since Louis had seen him around with a giant camera hanging off his neck, and occasionally clicking passersby. Louis would be sure to get out of his way then, feeling anxious. What surprised him were the written parts, occasionally spread out between his photos. They ranged from random song lyrics, a few of which he recognised, mixed in with quotes that he claimed he wrote himself. They were haikus or poems, mainly about love and longing for someone. And of course he wrote poetry, Louis shouldn’t be surprised. He did seem to be the type of person who is just perfect in every aspect.

Louis was engrossed in scrolling through the blog, not even realising when Liam had got up and went to sleep. He didn’t even know when midnight passed, busy reading the blog which was twenty-eight pages long and filled with interesting, touching quotes, lyrics and pictures. His eyes started to grow heavy with sleep, closing for longer than a few seconds when he blinked. But he kept himself awake, vowing to finish the entirety of it. Harry had a poetic, romantic heart was what he was getting from it. And some of his lines did resonate within him.

_“Flowers grew where you stood, Sprung from the soles of you,_

_Strong despite the shade of the shadow you left,_

_You leave gardens every time you walk away.”_

And one made him sad.

_“Is it possible for a heart to be exhausted?_

_Can it still be worn when locked tight in its cage?_

_My heart’s beat is a drum too loose,_

_A dull thud where it once was triumphant.”_

In all, he loved them, as he tried to memorise them and failed. If it was possible, Louis loved his heart even more right now. But his eyes were tired, his brain reminding him of the early lectures he had in a few hours. But he ignored them both, scrolling down to the very end. When he had reached the last page, he realised it was three am already, as he rubbed at his eyes and yawned. He felt proud of himself for staying awake till the end, but also wanted to kick himself for it. There was also slight embarrassment mingled in it, since he was acting like a stalker and he cringed at himself.

He kept his laptop on the table and laid down on the couch, just for a few minutes. And before he knew it, he was shaken awake by a concerned looking Liam. He was grumbling under his breath, shoving his watch into Louis’ face as he exclaimed it was seven in the morning. Liam, who had mostly likely woken up for his early morning jog at the time. And shit, he was late!

“Don’t you have lectures to go to right now?” Liam asked, adjusting the red bandana on his head as he frowned. Louis was still blinking blearily, taking in the form of his friend who was wearing two different set of clothes on top on one another along with a fake gold chain. He looked weird in that, but Louis had neither the time nor energy to question him right now. He just groaned in response and flipped over to his front. Liam poked him more, apparently not getting the message that Louis wanted to be left alone. “Wake up. Wake up, sleepyhead.”

“Okay mum, five more minutes,” he mumbled, earning a slap on his back. A minute later the front door slammed shut, which meant Liam was out. And he would have to leave as well. For another class with Harry. Fuck.

Louis quickly but reluctantly dragged himself off the couch and made his way to the bathroom. He washed his face quickly and stared into the mirror. There were creases on his face, eyes puffy and red while his hair looked as if he had waded through a bad storm. And no matter how much he tried flattening his hair, it won’t do. So now he was looking forward for a class with Harry, and he looked a little sickly. It was just... great.

~**~

_“If I am a wave then you are the sea,_

_If you are a flower then I am your bee.”_

~**~

Louis stood outside for about a minute, trying to compose himself. He checked his face in his phone camera, fiddling with fringe in order for it to fall just right. It was of no use since despite his best efforts, one tuft still insisted on bending the other way for no real reason. He was pretty sure he was earning weird looks from those who passed by or entered the lecture hall, and that was why he didn’t bother looking up. He was feeling awkward already but he wasn’t ready to go in and face Harry, even if it was just a glance.

Louis finally tucked the tuft of hair under his beanie, pulling the hat low on his head and sighed happily. There was a reason he didn’t sleep on the couch, even when he felt drowsy. It always resulted in a bad hair day. It also gave him a bad back and creases on his face, but more importantly bad hair. He scrutinised his face one last time, being thankful for his eyes being not so puffy anymore and hair looking fine. Louis took a deep breath, pocketed his phone and pulled down on his jumper. The jumper was a little big but he was presentable, or so he convinced himself.

He walked in, and lo and behold, the chatter didn’t stop for him even if his heartbeat did quicken. In fact, no one looked up except for Harry, whose green eyes were intent, almost pinning him to the spot. But he couldn’t be too sure, since he ducked his head just as quickly as he looked up and Louis chalked it up to his imagination. He kept his head down as he walked up the aisle, intent on not looking at Harry as he did.

Somehow, he felt guilty for going through his blog, even if it was a public website hence accessible to all. Maybe he should talk, he thought, since how hard would that be right. But even at the thought of it, his throat began closing up and fear crawling up his spine. He took quick, deep breaths to calm himself and focused on placing one foot ahead of the other. But in the process, he forgot to walk over the trick step, foot getting caught in it as he hobbled. The step was close to Harry’s seat, and falling on his face wouldn’t be impressive so his hand reached out to stabilise himself. But he made the mistake of looking up, finding himself looking straight at Harry’s concerned face. His luscious curls were held back by a red bandana, eyebrows furrowed together as he bit on his lower lip. Harry’s green, evergreen bright eyes were looking right into his, so close and focussed that it made Louis’ hands slip. How funny would it be that he was falling for and because of Harry, was his thought as his body tumbled forwards.

“Oops,” he muttered under his breath as he squeezed his eyes shut. He braced himself for the impact, knowing he would be face palming in three, two, one... and nothing. It never came. Instead, he felt two sturdy hands clutching his biceps and holding him up, steadying him. After he felt confident that he wouldn’t fall, he opened an eye, finding himself looking at the broad chest of the man who had helped him up. He opened his second eye as he lifted his gaze all the way up to his face. Harry was looking down at him with worry, having got up from his seat to halt Louis’ fall, and was now biting his lip harder. Louis used one hand to grip Harry’s, using it to steady himself. It led to Harry’s hand sliding down to his waist and holding him still. Louis found himself closer than he ever had been with his crush, breathing in the scent of strawberry wafting from him. He was mesmerised, and it felt like time had stopped. Louis’ gaze couldn’t help but flit down to his lips before looking up again, eyes widening. Harry was so, so close to him. And touching him. Louis was going to faint right there.

“Hi, are you okay?” Harry asked, voice soft as he tilted his head to the side. His eyes wandered from his face to his feet and then again as if checking for injuries. Louis felt his stomach flip. He was physically fine, but emotionally bruised. Not that Harry would know but. It was sweet, he thought. Harry was way too sweet and Louis would get cavities from it.

If he answered Harry’s question truthfully he’d say no, he was not okay. His heart was beating faster now then when he was in the impending danger of a fall. His knees were weak, not strong enough to hold himself up. And that was due to Harry and his arms holding Louis. He found himself dazedly replying anyway. “Yeah I’m fine.” He allowed himself to smile, despite knowing he would look just as smitten and dazed as he felt. He tried limiting it, lest he looked like the manic, love crazy person that he was. “You caught me right before I could fall, so I didn’t hurt myself. Thank you.”

Harry’s grin widened which made a pink flush ride high on his cheeks and his dimples sprout. It attacked Louis right in the heart, stabbed him with their brilliance. He would swoon like a fangirl and fall if it wasn’t for the fact that Harry was still holding him up and close, one hand lingering on his waist. It was overwhelming and Louis had no clue how he had spoken at all.

“You’re welcome,” he replied.

To his surprise, Harry wasn’t the one to let go of Louis. He just stood there holding Louis upright as if everything was perfectly normal and as if he weighed nothing. It was making Louis heady, dizzy with the emotions and closeness so he took a step back and grabbed onto a desk to clumsily steady himself. His silenced world came to life when someone tapped him on the shoulder, voice from a distance asking if he could move. The sobering reality shot straight to Louis’ head, making him blink furiously as he shifted away from Harry to let them pass by. The movement made Harry’s hands slide down Louis’ arms, before they were completely gone. The entirety of Louis’ body, from his toes to the tip of his ears felt like it was on fire, heat coursing through him. It was just fantastic, honestly.

Louis gave him a tight lipped smile, mumbling out something that should have sounded like ‘thanks again’ which most likely wasn’t audible at all. His throat was starting to close from the anxiety again, as he pushed past Harry and fell down on his seat. Harry sat down as well, turning to beam at Louis, cheeks tinted rose. He tried shaking out his hair before remembering he had worn a bandana and flushed, facing forward again. Luckily their professor arrived before Louis could do something embarrassing like tap Harry on the shoulder and talk. Or worse, squeal.

For some reason, Louis felt like a high school kid with a crush, which he was definitely not. He was a twenty year old with a crush, and he had it under control. That was why he hid his flaming cheeks under the palm of his hands as he stared intently at the back of Harry’s head. As the lecture progressed, which he had no clue of what had happened in, his head began to hurt due to lack of his sleep. He began to massage his forehead, looking up. He knew he should be taking notes, yet he never did. Harry was scribbling away, as usual. When Liam would scold him, he would often tell to use it as an excuse to talk, maybe get him to tutor. But both of them knew he wouldn’t ask, would just keep pining away like usual. So he mentally sighed, staring at the back of Harry’s pretty head and wondering what pretty thoughts it possessed. And if Harry’s touch burned his skin for hours after, no one had to know.

~**~

_“I would love to say you make me weak in the knees,_

_But to be quite upfront and completely truthful,_

_You make my body forget it has knees at all.”_

~**~

Louis only realised he had left his laptop switched on when he returned home. The battery showed ten percent, and he was surprised that it had lasted that long at all. He had intended to switch it off and put it to charge when he saw the screen. The browser was left open from last night, the yellow bananas on the theme tempting him. He debated for half a minute before he sighed and gave in, refreshing the page. He knew it wasn’t ideal, like Liam had told him, but one more time wouldn’t hurt right? Besides, he needed answers.

Or answer, singular. He vaguely remembered he had done something stupid last night in his sleep-deprived state and he needed to confirm it. So he closed his eyes for a few seconds until the page loaded and looked at Harry’s blog again, feeling worried. And indeed, the top of his blog held something new, which he shouldn’t be surprised at. He was embarrassed of himself, not that he had made a fool of himself for the second time, even if anonymously.

His eyes flitted over the familiar words of an anonymous ask Louis remembered sending him last night, when his eyes were droopy and brain sleep addled. In the light of the day and consciousness, it seemed even more ridiculous. He couldn’t believe himself, but more than he couldn’t believe Harry had actually replied.

Shit. Today was absolute shit.

Or Louis might be overreacting, which he was pretty sure not.

He looked over the reply with squinted eyes.

**Anonymous: I read through you’re blog ans fonud lots of qoutes adn lyrics writte by yuo. They’re very nice. Are they from your experince or just like that?**

_Hey anon! Thanks for reading through my blog and sending me an ask :) And regarding your question, most of them are from my experience and feelings, yes. But some are from observation, you know? Hope you liked them. Have a good day xx H._

Louis blinked at the words for the entirety of a minute, feeling his insides shrivel up with embarrassment every second. He didn’t know what to think about first – the question or the answer. He could faintly remember himself typing out that very sentence, but he couldn’t remember the mistakes which crammed in it. He let out a groan as he realised he had sent the message through without spell checking it first. It was embarrassing him the more he thought out it, by every passing second. He was a literature student, wanting to pursue a degree in teaching and yet here he was. It was atrocious and what was he thinking? Actually, was he even thinking?

The corner of his lips twisted and Louis let out a heavy sigh knowing there was nothing he could do right now. So he moved his attention to Harry’s answer. It was just so... polite? It was surely politer than Louis would’ve been since he would have corrected every word and typo. He had also signed it off with two kisses and his initial as well. That in itself was so cute that Louis wanted to die for another reason. He would be squealing right if not for the fact that he was still feeling embarrassed about his aforementioned mistakes.

Louis was stuck in his thoughts and he could feel his compulsive need to correct himself rise up. So without thinking it through, he clicked on the ask option. Louis found himself typing a response before his brain could catch up, and when it did, he had completed it. He scanned over the message, checking it thoroughly for mistakes as he hovered the cursor over the send option. He took a deep breath and hit send as he waited.

The low battery symbol was taunting him, threatening to shut itself off any minute but he risked it. He kept the device to one side and leaned back into the couch and took a deep breath, which did not calm or relax him. He rubbed his eyes with the heel of his palms before he groaned and gave in. He hit refresh again, not hoping for much but was surprised at what he saw. Harry had already answered him, the post having replaced the previous one on the top of his blog.

**Anonymous: Hi H, I’m the anon from last night. And I’m just back to say that I’m really, really sorry for my atrocious spellings. I don’t know what I was thinking... or maybe I wasn’t. I was a little dazed and sleepy. Either way, I mean it. The stuff you write is really beautiful. Along with the pictures you click, of course. Have a good day, Harry!**

_Hey again anon! You’re sweet. I hope you don’t get offended by this but I swear I had to slap my right hand away from my left hand to not correct you. I retyped my answer four times haha. I have a thing for grammar, actually so I wanted to correct but... Yeah. Sorry. And thank you xx H._

Louis had to actually bite back a smile this time, teeth digging in his lower lip. He had to keep himself in check, lest Liam barged in unexpected. He was sure he looked like that blushy smiley emoji at the moment, the one with red cheeks and a wide smile. If emoticons had cheeks, that was. He couldn’t help his smile though, not when Harry was being so polite and cute. Louis felt his stomach flutter as he read through the message again, knowing he had a crush on the perfect guy. Not only was he cute, poetic and nice, he also shared Louis’ love for correct grammar. It was a rare thing, Louis knew, what with all the short forms that he detested. Liam had made enough typos to make him pull his hair out in frustration whenever they texted. While he was just...

Unreal, his brain supplied.

On second thoughts, maybe getting to know Harry was a bad idea. He was such a perfect fit for him, like a hand to a glove or something.

Louis let out another heavy sigh as he didn’t even try to fight his urges as he typed out another ask. A voice in his head, sounding suspiciously like Liam, told him he was coming across as too desperate but he ignored it. This time would be the last, he convinced himself. This time also wouldn’t be accidental or apologetic as this time it was purposeful. He couldn’t get out of this with an excuse, he reminded himself as he went through with it anyway. Louis typed and erased and retyped and re-erased it before settling on what he had written for probably the tenth time. He hit ask before he could rethink and waited for a painful minute before he refreshed the page again.

And either Harry had nothing better to do or he was whiling away his time, since he was quick to respond again.

**Anonymous: oh tell me about language obsessions because I have it too. It’s a problem. But I have to ask with your quick responses... are you not doing anything or?**

_Haha I have a few things to do, like completing this assignment but I don’t wanna. So tumblr, and you, are a great distraction :) xx H._

So Louis didn’t even hesitate or wait for more than a minute.

**Anonymous: you have assignments? Then why not do them? Why are you wasting time that surely won’t be good, what with me distracting you more.**

_Who are you? My mother? (That’s a joke I’m sorry don’t be offended). And it would be a real problem if it were my mum. And also, you’re a sweet distraction :) xx H._

And then Louis couldn’t hold down his grin any longer, smiling at the screen like a maniac. His cheeks hurt due to it, eyes narrowed into slits. He knew he should find his chill but... Harry was just so sweet? He apologised for nothing, added his initials and kisses at the end of every reply and managed to charm Louis even via words. He tripped over his own feet, talked to trees and was smart as hell. If Louis hadn’t seen him almost every day for the past few weeks, he wouldn’t have been able to believe his existence. Who was this guy he wondered, and how was he driving him insane.

Louis’ fingers were preparing themselves already, but before he could act on his urges and do something stupid like message him thrice in a row, his laptop shut off. The last of its battery was exhausted and all he could see now was his devastated face mirrored back to him. He knew it was to be expected, knew it would happen but it didn’t stop him from cursing his fate. He ran into his room and rummaged around for the charger. He found it under a pile of clothes, and he had no clue how it had gotten there. He cursed his laptop once more, for interrupting their conversation. Louis thought there was a connection there, even if Harry didn’t know who he was. They had something there or maybe Louis was getting carried away by his emotions.

After finally putting the laptop to charge, Louis walked out in the living room to flop face down on the couch. He let out a frustrated groan which was immediately swallowed up by the cushions. He wondered what he was doing there, and more importantly why. He was having conversation with his crush via a sunglasses wearing grey face like circle. It was in no way ideal or talking.

But then Harry had flirted with him either way, he maintained.

But then he probably treated everyone the same way, most likely. The two thoughts fought with each other in his head and he didn’t know how to deal with it, so he just lay there uncomfortably.

A while later he heard the front door creak open and then shut, followed by footsteps getting closer. It was probably Liam, he assumed. But even if it was a burglar, Louis couldn’t be arsed to move from his position since his over thinking and swiftly creeping anxiety was pinning him down. He sighed morosely into the cushions, the sound being swallowed up again.

“Louis?” a voice called out and Louis identified it as Liam’s, so that was a relief. Louis lifted his head slightly to groan in response before letting it fall again. He didn’t bother to move or say anything, and neither did Liam. There was no movement at all for a minute, which confused him before a large hand was sifting through his hair in a familiar way. “You alright, Lou?”

“No.”

Liam let out a heavy sigh, and if Louis knew him well enough he knew he was shaking his head as well. “Budge up,” he instructed, shoving at Louis’ shoulder. When he didn’t move, Liam took to poking him in the ribs and making him squirm until he sat upright. Liam sat down beside him, looking at him with concern and Louis just cuddled into his side. The former, bless him, just threw an arm around him and pulled him closer. Louis really appreciated the cuddling they were doing. “So what happened now, love?”

“I think he flirted with me.”

“Harry?” Liam asked, sounding entirely too surprised by it. So Louis swatted at his side, making Liam laugh. “Okay okay. Harry?”

He asked this time in a controlled manner, even if his amusement was apparent. It should earn him a slap but Louis was in no mood to move so he just hummed. “Yeah Harry.”

“So you two finally did talk to each other?”

“Not exactly. More like we talked over asks.”

“What?”  Louis could hear the confusion in his voice but his dreamy self was too gone and reflecting over their conversation to give him an explanation.

“He used two kisses and a smile when he replied. Three times. Can you believe?”

“Wait what?” Liam asked again, pushing away from Louis’ embrace and turning to look him in the face. And yup, there was that perplexed frown all over his face. His eyebrows were furrowed together as he pouted in confusion. It was the same expression his face took on when he tries to figure out the actual spelling of a word Louis insisted he misspelled. And it nearly made him laugh. Nearly.

“Why is he so charming, Liam?” Louis half asked half wondered as he ignored Liam again in favour of a dreamy sigh. He knew he was going into his ‘dramatic movie girl with a crush’ mode, as Liam called it but he couldn’t help it. It was all Harry’s fault.

“Okay but I need more detail than that, Tommo.” He flicked him on the nose, making Louis blink furiously. He looked at his friend questioningly. “Also, really, snap out of it.”

“Alright alright,” Louis muttered under his breath. He raised a finger for Liam before padding into his room to unplug his laptop and bringing it out. He opened his browser and showed the screen, now opened to Harry’s blog. He pointed at the anonymous messages. “So see I sent him this last night, accidentally so ignore the mistakes, and he replied with two ‘x’ at the end. Then again, three times. X means a kiss right?”

“Yeah Lou, but that's not flirting,” Liam mumbled, leaning closer to read the whole conversation. He frowned before blinking his big brown eyes at Louis with a pitiful expression. “It doesn’t mean he actually wants to kiss you.”

“He should want to.”

“It’s quite common –”

“But...”

“A lot of people use that without meaning it.”

“Whatever Liam. If I sent him an ‘x’ I would definitely mean it.” Louis huffed, rolling his eyes as he sighed and put his laptop on the table.

“Then send it,” Liam simply said as he got up from the couch and gave the other a meaningful look.

“Like, are you crazy, Li? We aren’t even there yet!” Louis exclaimed, a scandalised look on his face. They were nowhere yet, but that wasn’t the point.

“You two are nowhere yet,” Liam supplied, as if reading his inner monologue. He didn’t like him saying it, so he threw a pillow at him and flopped back down on the couch.

Louis wallowed in self pity for a little while before Liam came back to ‘knock some sense into him’. It made him realise just how desperate and insane he had been for sending those messages so quickly. They knew almost nothing about tumblr, and they didn’t know the rules of anonymous asking but Liam said it probably worked like text messages as well. If Harry did get to know about this conversation one day, then he would definitely have a laugh at them, Louis thought. So later that night he thanked his stupid laptop for shutting down at the perfect timing and not let him get carried away by it. Who knew how much Louis would have revealed otherwise in the excitement of it all. He might have revealed his identity, or his crush even and Harry would then hate him. Or call him a stalker or something. So any chance Louis had with Harry would be gone. He didn’t want to be labelled as a stalker, of course since they were just despicable people with too much time on their hands. And frankly, they were too desperate, which Louis was definitely not. So next time, he won’t overdo it. And yeah, he had resigned to the fact that there would be a next time.

So maybe the next time Louis would have to think it through before he messaged him, maybe craft an identity too. He was getting carried away by it all as well. He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. In that time Louis remembered he had an important assignment he should be getting to. And he went to finish just that, decidedly not thinking of Harry.

~**~

_“You are the habit that I will spend my lifetime trying not to break.”_

~**~

After finding he had a way to talk to Harry without his anxiety taking over, Louis found it hard to resist the medium. His fingers twitching with the need to reach him and his stomach fluttering with the thought. It took one of Liam’s look to make him halt and sigh. He tried explaining the urge to him, and Liam gave him ‘advice’. So taking Liam’s advice, he tried hard to resist the urge to send Harry more than three message in a short interval of time. If he was being honest, his friend had advised him to stop sending messages altogether and grow some balls so he could talk to Harry in real life, but he ignored that. He knew it would be a tough decision to follow through and ultimately fail at. So Louis devised a new plan, which would be the middle ground. He started spacing out his message to not seem too desperate, but at the same time would be enough to leave an impression on Harry. He spent half the time at work making up the question, since it wasn’t like there was a queue of customers. It worked out, in his opinion when he had a variety of questions typed in his phone. They ranged from random and stupid thought to personal queries.

**Anonymous: Do you think pigeons have feelings?**

_If it is meant to be a gag question then haha I don’t know? But if you’re really wondering then yes I think they do. Once I don’t know when I think when I was fourteen? I can’t remember what had happened exactly but it might have been a broken toy even though I was too old for that. It could have been a dream, which okay, off point. But I relayed my sad feelings to a pigeon and I swear it nodded at me and made a sympathetic voice. Which isn’t them feeling things but I do think they feel things. :) Xx H._

**Anonymous: Are you a sunset or sunrise kind of person? Because I definitely like the sunset better since that way, I don’t have to wake up early and disturb my sleep just for those few minutes. Yeah I’m lazy.**

_That’s a tough question and also a typical lazy response, shame on you. Nature shouldn’t be compromised due to sleep. But saying that, I agree because I have experienced both and I’ll say watching the sun rise with a hangover with my head hurting wasn’t the best of my choices. Also, sunset is more romantic and beautiful innit? The sky getting darker and darker until you’re shrouded in the soft blanket of starlight instead of being glared at by the sun. The darkness has a certain tranquil feeling about it and I definitely love feeling it. And I went into my photographer slash romance mode and I’m sure that’s not what you asked for so I’ll stop :) xx H._

All of his answer left Louis laughing or squealing at once. Harry was adorable via words and in real life too, where he did see him and not talk. Louis knew he was falling in deeper but he couldn’t help it. He started making mental notes about him. Like how Harry had a habit of running around in circles with his unnecessary rambles until he got to the point, which might not exist as well. He had thoughts on everything and swore a lot but censored the word, which was also endearing. So it was nice that Louis made himself a habit of locking the door to his room whenever he read through Harry’s responses or blog. It granted him the freedom of being able to smile and coo without the impending danger of his flatmate barging in. He was updated of their talks by Louis or else he would go through Harry’s blog himself. And if Liam saw his dopey smile, he was sure to smack him upside down before proclaiming his crush was officially too much for him to swallow. He knew Liam meant well, but it didn’t make it any better when he was judged by his friend’s sharp gaze.

Louis sent him far too many messages. More than what Harry used to get earlier on anon, and Louis would know since he went all the way back. And after a week of this exchange, Harry seemed to have sensed that it was likely the same person sending him one or two asks a day. And Louis knew he noticed when he began tagging all the further anon posts with ‘grammar anon’. It made a fluttery feeling rise as he read the tag, even if he didn’t like being referred to by that name. So he waited, waited for the day that Harry would give in and ask the question. Of course he did it in his own weirdly endearing way.

**Anonymous: So Harry tell me something interesting. I’m bored.**

_I’ll entertain you with two facts then, since you’re bored. Alright?_

  1. _A) So dolphins have names. It has been proved by scientists that dolphins give themselves names. They develop their own individual whistles and they recognize theirs and other dolphins’ names._
  2. _B) You’ve never given me your name, even though it’s been a week and you should (please)._



_And isn’t it interesting now anon? I like these two very interesting facts._

And that's when Louis added another trait to his ever-growing list of Harry details. He had a passive aggressive streak along with liking for dry humour. The dolphin fact was interesting of course, and he would be sure to tell Liam the same. But the second thing... well. It made him bite his fingernail in worry as he contemplated his next move. So the next day he made up his mind to tell Harry his name. Just it would be an alias.

**Anonymous: Well I never knew you’d want a name H ;) but I’m Tommo :)**

_Hmm you very well knew that I wanted your name so don’t you lie to me. Also Tommo is a nickname isn’t it? Not your real one. It seems too informal for you to be the one you go by. But it’s fine, I still like it._

And that's when Louis noted Harry was smart and wouldn’t be fooled with lies. Not that Louis had been planning on lying, but now he knew he shouldn’t. He wouldn’t lie, just hide the fact of who he was or where he lived. Liam called Louis silly when he narrated the plan, before adding that he liked Harry even though they hadn’t met. He didn’t know why that sounded like an approval, since Liam had made sure he wasn’t approving. Maybe it was the wink he gave as he left, which Louis shrugged off. He typed out a response along the lines of ‘yes you’re very smart and I would like to marry you’. And then he carefully edited the last part out.

~**~

_“When you have swum in the sea, a lake will no longer do,_

_Everyone else was always a pond, the ocean was always you.”_

~**~

In the next few days Louis found himself falling into a nice little routine, without having planned for it.

He would send Harry asks every two days, with themes completely unrelated and would receive enthusiastic replies in return. It was a progress, he would say. But then of course, there was no real progress in face to face conversation except from that one time Louis was so happy he had smiled at Harry. It had been an accident, but the toothy, dimpled smile he got back made him almost freeze in surprise. After that they would smile at each other when Louis passed by to get to his seat but they didn’t talk. If Harry’s smile would cause him to trip a little at times then no one had to know.

Every day Louis told himself that one day he would be able to gather the courage to ask him out, or talk. Every time he walked into literature class he would tell himself the same, but would lose the courage when he saw the boy and told himself not today. He would imagine a day far, far away when his anxiety wouldn’t seize him and they’d talk, hold hands. And maybe they would even laugh at Louis’ embarrassing ways of initiating conversations. But not today, he told himself. For now, Louis and anon Louis would have to be kept purposefully separate. No link should be established between them whatsoever.

Louis also wondered sometimes, during one his slow work days if Harry even knew him. Harry might know him as the guy who sat behind him, or the one who smiled but he doubted he knew who he was. The one sad thought led him into a series of pathetic thoughts and he was in public for that. So he would ignore them and eat ice cream instead, which he had plenty of since he worked around them. A good distraction, that.

So he didn’t know what happened that one day. His decision might have been influenced by the daze Harry caused, with his bi-dimpled smile. He had his hair tied back this time, as much as he could but the smaller curls still peeked out and framed his face. While staring, he ran into his desk before he could sit, making his head feel loopy and dizzy. His usual anxiety had vanished, replaced by a dizzy happy feeling. And due to that, he was prompted into pulling out his phone and messaging Harry just then, while he was sitting behind the lad. While they were in class together. Fuck, he thought as he went through with it anyway.

Louis glanced around the room one time, anxiously biting on his lip. The professor hadn’t arrived yet, so he sent the message. He could see Harry shift in front of him, hand automatically reaching towards the pocket of his jeans. It was due to the phone buzzing, Louis suspected as he watched him with bated breath. He had stupidly forgotten to consider that Harry might respond just then as well.

Harry’s hand was still splayed on his pocket, as he looked around and choosing to inspect his surroundings. Louis wasn’t prepared for when Harry glanced around his shoulder, looking straight at him but he was quick enough to divert his gaze. He pretended he had something interesting on his phone, furrowing his brows in faux concentration. He wondered whether or not he should actually text Liam to keep up the pretence. But then Liam would reply and Louis would have to keep up the conversation and he didn’t have the time for that. So he just tapped his fingers randomly on the black screen as he waited for Harry to look away. When he was sure Harry was facing forward, he sighed with happiness and started staring openly again. He was thankful for having looked away, else he would have given a frozen, embarrassed smile which Liam claimed looked like a lunatic’s. It might have been true, and Louis didn’t want to leave a bad impression on the boy who was sunshine personified.

Louis could see Harry gingerly take his phone out of his pocket, pinching it between his two nimble fingers. He was attempting to look casual and sneaky in the process, but was facing difficulty from the looks of it. Of course he was, since that was the result of wearing sinfully tight jeans and sitting down in them. Louis watched him with barely concealed amusement, as it took three attempts for Harry to finally extract his phone. He smiled widely at it, his left dimple seen digging in his cheek and then glanced at the front of the class. He unlocked his phone and Louis looked away since he wasn’t that person. Harry was clicking on a few more buttons and Louis could see the familiar background of the blue tumblr app again, just as he had the last time. Louis used his palm to hide his growing smile.

Louis could see the blurry letters of the ask he had just sent and felt his heart race. It might be the closest thing to actually talking to him, even if it wasn’t via tapping him on the shoulder and using verbal words. They were close enough to talk, and Louis knew he was reading his words. And it made his heartbeat quicken and there was a cold feeling in his stomach, so he focused on his breathing. He was nervous when he saw Harry typing on his phone, most likely a response. He waited, blinking furiously to clear his vision.

Harry tapped on the screen one final time, looking pleased with himself and Louis knew. He smiled in spite of his nervous. The curly haired boy kept his phone down on his desk, repeatedly glancing at it as if expecting for it to buzz. Waiting for Tommo to reply. Louis faintly wondered if this was how much he was excited every time, as he decided to reply.

Louis unlocked his phone, with Harry’s blog already open and hit refresh. He waited for the few seconds for the new post to appear, the response to his ask. He took a deep, calming breath before he started to read.

**Anonymous: I have to ask H. I see you writing a lot of quotes and lyrics and a few you claim as your own. And all are romantic or pining. So what I’m getting to is... is it for someone special? Just asking. I mean you’re not obliged to answer me. :)**

_Heya Tommo! And yeah I know it’s you again mainly because I get the most asks from you. Also you’ve asked this question, with poor grammar, once before. But hey! I don’t claim they /are/ mine. And to answer your question... I don’t know maybe they are, maybe they aren’t. Why don’t you come off anon ;) xx H._

Winky face. Winky face! Honestly?

Louis was stuck in his quiet, wild hysteria over the small winky face for two good minutes. He took deep breaths, reminding himself that he was in public and right behind his crush to get for it to pass. Then he focused on the rest of his answer and went into hysteria for another reason.

Harry wanted for Tommo to come off anon and talk... privately. He actually wanted for him to be his friend and know him better and talk about personal things. Louis didn’t know if that was a good or a bad thing as he looked at the back of Harry’s head, nervously chewing his lip. His curls were wild as ever, even with the scarf used to tame them and it probably reflected the state of Louis’ thoughts. Or something, since he wasn’t thinking very clearly at the moment. He didn’t know if he could manage to talk to Harry without the public reading it. Or message him about his life without giving himself away. Or worse, his huge crush. Also, how would he talk if not on anon? Would he have to make a brand new blog now? Louis realised he was falling deeper into the mess he had created as more questions arose. He was screwed he thought, dropping his head into his palms.

As usual, Louis did not concentrate on what was going on. He was having a quiet panic attack of his own. So when the professor left, he let his head drop on the desk with a dull thud, making the curly haired boy turn. Louis could feel his eyes burning into him but he didn’t dare look up, not knowing if he could speak. And if could speak, it would lead to a disaster so better not. A small part of his brain chastised him for going against his instincts and messaging Harry while sitting right behind him.

He sat with his head down until he heard Harry’s footsteps move away from him before he stared blankly at the door.

Tommo had really fucked up.

~**~

_“What is the point in flying if I cannot fly with you,_

_Cut off these wings and carry them with you,_

_I only need them when you are here.”_

~**~

Louis spent the entirety of his shift being distracted, getting plenty of time to think over and over about how he could reply. As it had started being a usual occurrence, not a lot of customers came in so there were no customer complaints. Sure, Perrie, his co-worker, had to swat him to grab his attention to the gaggle of kids that walked in soon but it wasn’t a big deal. He thought about it for a while again, framing and reframing his answers. The way he saw it he had two options. One was making an account and letting his online friendship flourish. Or the second was to finally get off his blog and befriend him in the virtual world instead. He couldn’t do either, so he resorted to cursing himself for the situation he was in as he walked back home.

He drummed his fingers on his thighs as he sat in front of his laptop screen. He was trying for a neutral approach, which wouldn’t be option one or two. It would be midway or no way, more like. It may or may not work, the solution he had come up with but he had to try either way. So he sent his ask around the same time at which he always did – seven pm. And Harry had gotten used to his schedule, always replying quickly then. And he did this time as well, but it wasn’t the response he had wanted.

**Anonymous: H, a dilemma. You see, I don’t actually have a tumblr account. I just lurk around. So I can’t come off anon :(**

_Oh Tommo, stop making excuses or I will think you don’t like me :( also it’s really simple to make an account and you can always do that. Dilemma solved :) xx H._

This time the smiley at the end felt almost passive aggressive to Louis. Like it was calling him out on his bullshit, while appearing to be innocent and subtle. Of course a smiley wouldn’t be able to do that, but then Harry would. But then, he also used smileys way too often, so it could mean just nothing. Who knew. But either way, it was driving Louis crazy. Not the smiley, but the situation. He pulled at his hair before flattening it down. He couldn’t solve the mystery of the smiley, which his brain deemed as more important. It had its priorities all wrong, Louis thought and sighed.

“Liam?” he called out, as he frowned at the screen and the words. Liam wasn’t the first choice to call for help, mainly the judgement he’d give, but he was the only one now. He was up to date with the whole situation, and relatively rational so who else, huh.

A silent minute passed, with no other sound or response. Louis directed his frown towards his bedroom door, which was left ajar. It was strange, since he was pretty sure Liam was home right now. But then he couldn’t be too sure, since he hadn’t left his room ever since he had arrived. He was on the verge of giving up and planning to take a nap in defeat when the door creaked. Standing in the doorway was Liam, with messy hair and a concerned frown.

“What’s up, Lou?”

Louis was still confused because he wasn’t sure since when Liam had gotten so silent, but then he had a more pressing problem at hand. So he beckoned his friend closer with the crook of his finger. Liam padded in slowly, immediately picking up Louis’ laptop and turning to towards him to read. He had most likely guessed it would be a Harry problem then, as his eyes flitted over the words. Louis had gotten so transparent lately but he couldn’t bother with it.

“Do you think a smiley can be passive aggressive?” Louis asked, frowning as he flicked his fringe to a side. He burrowed himself a little more into his pillows and sighed. “Because the one Harry sent feels passive aggressive to me. It’s like he’s challenging me to something, or calling me out. Or both.”

Liam hummed in response, eyebrows rising slightly at Louis’ question. His lips were pursed and his eyebrows furrowed again when he looked up, the light from the screen making him look a little odd. “It’s a smiley so I don’t think so? But Lou, why are you so worried about the smiley? Shouldn’t you be more worried about the rest of the message? Because I certainly am.” He cocked his brow pointedly, handing Louis back his laptop. “So what are you planning to do about the ‘off anon’ thing? Reveal everything?”

“No,” Louis scoffed, taking his laptop. Not so soon anyway, he added mentally. He had a plan, see, made in his plentiful free work hours. Firstly he would have to ask Harry if he was gay. If the answer to that was positive, only then he would disappear off the internet and figure out how to talk to him in real life. Else he would abandon ship and avoid Harry. He must have said the whole thing out loud, since he received another harsh and judgemental stare from his friend. “What?”

“So you’re never going to tell him?” Liam questioned him, to which Louis shook his head. Even the mere possibility of the reveal was making him anxious and over think it all. “So you think he’s never going to find out when you two end up together? You told me he’s smart yeah? What if he matches all of this random “Tommo’s” qualities with yours? Or wait, what if someone like me, or our old Donny friends call you Tommo when they meet him. He’ll figure out eventually alright, so either you break it to him or let it break you two. What do you think would be worse?”

Louis blinked, heart starting to hammer loudly in his chest as he blinked furiously to clear his vision. He hadn’t thought it through then, as usual and thank god for Liam or he would land himself in trouble. More than what he was facing now. Louis let out a whimper before dropping his head in his hands as his brain churned out anxious thoughts. This was a nightmare. “What do I do now, Liam?”

“Well you make an account and keep talking to him,” Liam said, patting Louis’ shoulder. He looked at his friend in shock, the momentary confusion throwing him off. For a moment he thought Liam was joking, even though he held no humour on his face. He was being serious.

“Are you serious?” he asked, just to make sure. It was rhetoric of course, since Liam’s face gave it all. But he didn’t understand why Liam was being supportive all of a sudden instead of telling him off. This was strange.

“Absolutely, yeah go for it.” Liam nodded as he grinned at him. Louis’ face scrunched up in confusion as he watched his friend walk backwards towards the door. “Who knows maybe something good will come out of it yeah?”

With a two-fingered salute, he was out and Louis stared at the place where he had been. This day was strange. He flopped back onto the bed, feeling more confused than ever as he closed his eyes.

~**~

_“You are the only one I always want to touch._

_I don’t know if my skin knows to separate any longer._

_Please don’t make me teach it, I am less a teacher than it a student.”_

~**~

As usual, Louis did not listen to Liam. Even if he had been on Louis’ side this time, he really did not like the option. Instead, he opted not to send an anon message to Harry for a whole three days, effectively breaking their pattern. He had succeeded, went through with his promise to him and yet he felt he was losing. He felt as if he was missing something in his life which wasn’t present until a few weeks ago. Louis could barely resist the urge to pull up Harry’s tumblr page when he was typing assignments. He knew that if read through his quotes he was sure to give in. He knew he’d actually go through with making the damn account just so he could talk to Harry some more. The temptation became stronger when he saw Harry forlornly checking his phone before class, and he knew it was Tommo he was wondering about.

It was ridiculous how down Louis was for anything he asked of him. Even if all he was to Harry was an anon, who was well, anonymous to him.

On the fourth day, as he forlornly stared at Harry’s head, Louis made up his mind. It might be the shirt the curly haired boy was wearing, incidentally a yellow shirt with bananas on it. He took it as a sign and told himself he would introduce himself to Harry and say anything at all. So he took in a deep breath, hands shaking slightly as he reached to tap Harry on the shoulder. As soon as his fingers came in contact with the silky material of his shirt, a zip of electricity went through him and he jolted back, withdrawing his hand. He stared at his hand in shock, not understanding what had happened but looked up quickly when Harry turned. And then he was in shock again at the sight of him. At the sight of Harry and his shiny, outrageously pink lips wrapped around a pencil, which dangled out of his mouth. Harry’s fingers rose to toy with said pencil as he pursed his lips around it. It elicited a number of images in his head which were inappropriate for now. And whatever Louis had planned to say was now wiped clean, as he deliberated averted his eyes. He tried to keep his eyes strictly at his eyes, and not at his lips. He cleared his throat, willing for words, any words to rise to the occasion.

“Um do you have a pencil?” he blurted out. And despite his best efforts, his eyes did dart down to his lips. He saw Harry slowly take it out of his mouth, the tip smeared with saliva as he blinked at it. Louis was pretty sure he had stopped breathing at that point, blinking useless at those green eyes. Eye contact was important for his sanity this time, even if those eyes were messing with his brain and putting him in a trance.

“I only have this one,” Harry said slowly, looking from under his lashes. His hair, which had started growing out, was currently tucked under an equally yellow and gaudy headscarf, with little red flowers. It looked really cute, as did he. The whole of him looked cute, right from his furrowed eyebrows to his slightly flushed cheeks. What wasn’t cute about him were his lips, which were looking downright obscene. So he tried not to focus on that as he clenched his fists under the table nervously.

“Oh that's fine then,” Louis replied, his voice barely over a whisper as he smiled. Harry frowned more, lips turning down into a pout. “I’ll just ask someone else.”

“No no, I’ll just...” he said in a rush. He looked at his pencil before rubbing the tip and his spit on his jeans. His nose was scrunched up and Louis just wanted to bop it. He was slipping into dangerous territory he thought, as he tried to compose himself. Harry held up his pencil again, which was now spit free but the fact that it had been in his mouth made Louis... well, a little bit jealous but also it was overwhelming him. So he would have to refuse sadly, and subsequently end their conversation. “Take this please, I’ll just memorise the notes. Would be a good practise for me too.”

“Harry, no it’s fine,” Louis said softly, assuring him. He didn’t realise until a few beats later that he had addressed him by name, when he shouldn’t be knowing it. He had essentially given himself away, he thought as he his cheeks warmed. He was pretty sure Harry could see his blush. “I’ll take my notes with a pen. It’s alright.”

“If you say so,” he said, seeming visibly flustered as well. His cheeks had turned the same shade of red as his lips, as he ducked his head slightly before looking up. He gave Louis a small, shy but blindingly beautiful smile. And Louis’ smile this time was natural too, even if small. “Sorry.”

“Thanks anyway,” Louis whispered, but Harry had already turned forward. Louis was left with the familiar sight of his dark curls, and newly red ears. He didn’t realise until later how fast his heart had been beating, as he sunk down into his seat. His chest was feeling constricted, and he took in deep breaths to normalise it. He hadn’t embarrassed himself much, but he also knew he wasn’t ready for a proper conversation. He was underprepared for dealing with Harry, hence mentally wanting to bang his head against the desk. He would’ve done the same, but he didn’t want any more attention on him.

This embodiment of sunshine was going to take his heart. Or had he already?

~**~

_“Will you tolerate the strangeness inside of me,_

_The quirks inside my soul?”_

~**~

Two days later, Louis’ resistance broke.

Louis always knew he was weak willed, so it was surprising he kept it up for so long. He pulled up the tumblr homepage and not Harry’s blog as he usually did. His eyes wandered over to the blue box in the centre which said ‘get started’ and he blinked. The cursor hovered over it uncertainly, dread filling up inside of him. So to buy himself a little more time, he called up his sister. He vividly remember when two years ago when he was back home, Lottie had come up to him to show him her blog. She had hit two hundred followers, apparently a milestone on her beauty blog. She had seemed excited and he had congratulated her, before telling her it was a stupid site. She had told him she’s gain attention from it and she had, which was beside the point. But at that time, never had he felt the slightest urge to explore the site. But here he was now, about to make an account on tumblr while knowing almost nothing about its working. He sighed, thinking about how the tables had turned on him.

The phone rang for a few seconds before Lottie picked up, answering with a chipper ‘hello’.

“Hey Lottie,” he greeted, trying his best to sound as euphoric as her.

“So what do you want, big brother,” she asked. There was a muffled male voice on the other end, to which she replied something which sounded like ‘Louis’.

“I just wanted to talk my little sister, alright.” There was a pointed, judging silence on the other end so Louis cleared his throat loudly. “So what are you doing?”

“I’m in my room with Tommy right now. Why?”

“But it’s so late,” he said, checking the time to find it to be ten. And when it came to Lottie being with her boyfriend, yeah it was late. Also, he was procrastinating.

“Mum said it’s fine. Also, why did you call me? What do you really want, Louis?”

“Um why would you think I called because I wanted something,” Louis asked, scoffing loudly as he raised his eyebrows even though she wouldn’t be able to see.

“Because you always want something when you call, else you text,” she stated as if it was a fact. It wasn’t true, he mentally protested since he didn’t always do that. So what if he had called to extract a few favours in the past, it didn’t mean always. But anyway.

“That’s not true,” he spluttered, sounding aghast at the accusation. He received another few seconds of judging silence on the other end, so he sighed and decided to cut to the chase. Lottie knew him too well, so he would have to concede. Louis cleared his throat again. “So are you still on tumblr?”

“Hmm that's a very specific question.” Louis could hear her devilish grin in her tone so he narrowed his eyes. She was evil was what she was, he thought as she hummed. “Are you sure you didn’t call me to ask for something?”

“Shut up! I just need some help setting up an account on there. And some details.”

“All of a sudden?”

“Yes.”

“Why,” she questioned, seeming more curious than she was before. It was as if she was grilling him for information, thinking that if she asked enough he’d give it away. As if Louis would fall in that trap. He knew Lottie too well for that.

“Just because, Lottie,” he explained, mentally willing his sister to drop it. Thankfully, she did relinquish. “Now help me.”

“Say please first.”

He huffed, waited for a few seconds. “Okay please help me.”

“Alright,” she piped, her tone just as chipper as when she picked up. “It’s actually really easy, Lou.” And as she explained it all, he realised yes it was indeed easy. Also that he was delaying it unnecessary for some anxious reason. After ending the call, he stared at the wall for a few seconds as he gathered his thoughts. He picked up his laptop again, finally clicking on the ‘sign up’ button and proceeding to type in the details. What he got stuck on was the name, something he didn’t think of before.

Louis was known to be bad at names by his family. He used to give the most redundant or unoriginal names, like wanting to name a kitten ‘Kitty’. So it was a big problem he hadn’t thought of in his spare time and now he would have to make something up on the spot. Whichever basic name he typed it, he found it to be already taken. He was growing frustrated as the tenth name was unavailable, and was thinking of giving up and doing a keyboard smash. But then the idea popped to him and typed in the name and held in his breath, letting it go in a rush when he found the name available. And finally, his account was created. It was a milestone, he thought.

Louis’ heart was racing, body thrumming with nervous and excited energy. He had made an account, effectively jumping through the next hoop. Or dug himself in a bigger hole, probably but he had did it.

The first thing Louis did was follow Harry and let out a whoop before laughing hysterical. Once he calmed down, he knew he had to send him a message to alert him of Tommo’s new presence. He cracked his knuckles, mulling it over for a few minutes before sending a simple message.

‘Hello it’s me,’ he sent, hoping Harry would understand. He waited for five minutes, thinking himself into an anxious frenzy before he took a deep breath in. It was really late, he reasoned, and Harry might be asleep as well. So he kept his laptop aside, talking a walk around his room before lying down on his bed. He tried falling asleep with the buzzing energy under his skin, imagining the reply he would get from Harry the next day.

~**~

_“In the space, the pause between and the one that follows,_

_You have made a home inside me.”_

~**~

When Louis reached home after work the next day, he immediately pounced towards his laptop. Or almost did in his head, he thought as he switched on his laptop. He had no shared lectures with Harry that day, still he had restrained himself. Checking his phone in the morning never bode him well, or managed to distract him from everything so he reeled himself in. His head throbbed, so he massaged his forehead with his fingers as he opened up the tumblr page. It was a weird feeling to just log in to the site instead of going on Harry’s blog, which was the first result when he typed ‘H’ and go through to see if he had answered. Now his dashboard was filled with posts from Harry’s blog, a new quote which he didn’t read. His eyes flied up to the top of the page, and sure enough found a ‘1’ over the chat smiley. And seeing it, Louis was grinning like that very smile, as he pushed back his fringe.

_Hereforbananas: ‘hmm interesting name I see there, Tommo (yes I still know it’s you I’ve got a third sense when it comes to you :P). Must be someone good who inspired you that name. That H person.’_

**HereforH: ‘oh no the H person wasn’t all that good. He’s Hamlet, you know. It’s my favourite play by Shakespeare, nay of all time!’**

_‘It is, huh?’_

**‘Of course :):)’**

Louis now pressed his hand on his mouth to mask how wide his grin had grown. There had been an exchange of only three text conversations back to back between them now, which surely shouldn’t make him so giddy. But it was. How had he grown so smitten with Harry? It was weird. But then when Harry was online again at seven, probably waiting for Louis to come online and he couldn’t help it. It felt as if they were flirting to Louis’ delusional mind, even if it was one sided. He had named his blog after Harry, for god’s sake and it was a big flirty gesture on his side which wouldn’t be counted really. He had a feeling he had made Harry smile with at least, even if he couldn’t be too sure.

_Anyway. Hiiiii!_

**You know H, whenever you add too many ‘i’ at the end, I almost hear a giggle behind the word.**

_Well that's because I am giggling at the end of it ;)_

And just like that, Louis was a goner.

They chatted back and forth for almost an hour, talking about likes and dislikes. Louis hadn’t expected him to be as adorable as he was but there he was. Louis could imagine the gleeful tone his voice would take, the twinkle of his eyes as he would type in a particularly bad pun. It made Louis so flustered and giddy happy. Harry also asked him how he had found his blog, and Louis had taken a few seconds to panic before he typed in a lie about coming across one of his photographs while googling aesthetic pictures. Harry bought it easily, claiming he was now famous. Louis told himself a little white lie won’t hurt him, since after he had found him via Google. The conversation moved forward smoothly after that, with Harry discussing in detail why he was so fond of photography. He used emotional, beautiful words to describe the feeling it gave to preserve certain moments, beautiful or otherwise.

And if it was possible, Louis felt a little more in love with him by the end of it. He had changed his position somehow, so his laptop was cushioned by the pillows and he was on his stomach. When Harry said goodbye, Louis accidentally rolled off the bed in glee and landed harshly on the floor. His laptop, luckily, was still safe on the bed but his arse was not. He groaned, closing his eyes as he felt his back ache.

“What happened?” Liam yelled from his room, no doubt hearing the loud crash.

“I fell, Liam,” Louis yelled back, aiming to be sarcastic as he lay still like a starfish on the floor. And then sighed.

Somehow, it felt like a metaphor.

~**~

_“For when the cold winds blow,_

_I will close my eyes calmly,_

_Knowing I’m anchored to you.”_

~**~

Louis didn’t ask Harry the question he had previously wanted to ask and he never got the answer. It had been a few days since.

When Liam asked Louis why he hadn’t asked the very question which had landed him in a huge mess two, he lied. He told him he had forgotten all about it, and Liam had raised his eyebrows disbelievingly and sighed. The truth was that he remembered. Of course he did, since how could he forget it. Harry posted new poems about this anonymous someone at irregular time intervals, and it would be at least once every two days. On the first day, he remembered it after he had fallen off the bed, after exchanging goodbyes. And afterwards, he didn’t feel like broaching the subject. Partly, he didn’t want the illusion to break as he realised that they weren’t flirting, even if it seemed like they were. M Harry never got a regular anon, like Louis had been so he had nothing to compare his conversation habits with. In real life, Harry was very friendly, and sometimes flirty friendly with friends. Louis knew it was to be expected, but every time Harry would add a winky smiley or cracked a penis joke, it became a little easier to forget the fact. Hence forgetting the question he should ask.

“I can’t ask him the question, Li,” Louis whined, trudging into the living room and dropping his head onto Liam’s lap. Liam had been watching some Netflix series, and being a good friend just sighed and shifted so Louis could get some space so curl up on the couch. Louis had just finished having another conversation with Harry, this time about falling in love at first sight. Louis had said it could happen, while Harry had said while love can’t be had at first sight, infatuation can happen which slowly progressed to love. There had been a perfect opening to ask the question, but Louis chickened out and excused himself out of it. And now he regretted it, hence walking out to talk with his friend.

“Why not?”

“Because... ugh you know. He doesn’t like me that way.”

“That’s not true,” Liam said, running his fingers through Louis’ hair slowly. The latter whined, fisting the material of Liam’s shirt before looking up. “He just doesn’t know you.”

“That’s not comforting,” Louis groaned, dropping his head back into Liam’s lap. “You’re not helping.”

“Wasn’t trying to help.”

Louis mumbled gibberish, which Liam hummed along to half-heartedly as he watched his show. After a while he went back into his room, knowing he’d wallowed in self-pity for long enough. He buried his head in the pillow and sighed as he tried to fall asleep. That was that.

Louis did want to know more about the person Harry liked, which certainly was one. He wanted to know their gender, first and foremost and determine Harry’s type by their personality. But more than curious, he was scared. He was scared of knowing just how perfect this person would be, since surely Harry would choose nothing less than perfect. And the poems, which didn’t tell much about them, surely did say Harry liked them a lot. Louis hadn’t seen Harry around some person he liked that much, or he could just assume from their body language. But then, Louis didn’t see a lot of Harry besides a few times around campus. And if he was being honest, he loved spending time in denial and craving affection. He would love any sort of affection, really.

It would be nicer if he didn’t have to read about Harry expressing love for someone else, but well. That was how they started talking, so he didn’t regret it. But then he also got to know more about Harry’s crush. And like always, Harry was the one to initiate the first step and put the topic back into question. Or question come back into play? Who knows.

It happened about two weeks after they had taken to talk in private messaging. It was a Saturday and Louis had finally gotten around to downloading the phone app on his phone. The app was a pain, really.

The whole conversation started when Harry messaged him a vague and mystery laden  _‘can I tell you something?’_  in the middle of the night.

Louis had been unable to sleep, scrolling his dashboard idly. He had followed a few more blogs which had popped up in his recommendation and he liked them. A thought flitted by which made him wonder if he was becoming a tumblr person too. If Lottie knew, she wouldn’t let him hear the end of it surely. But no one would tell her so there wasn’t any worry. He sighed, about to keep his phone aside and try to fall asleep when he had gotten the said message. It made his hands still as he processed and freaked out a little as he read.

The logical part of his brain told him it would be bad to answer to the question. But then the rest of Louis’ sleep addled mind overflowed with thoughts, wiping what little of sleep it had formed away and making him sit up. He leaned against the headboard, wondering how to respond to it at all. Maybe Harry had realised who Tommo was, his anxiety said. But then the tone of the message wouldn’t be mysterious but confrontational, right? Or Harry would just freeze him out if that was the case, which didn’t seem like he’d do. But it was a remote possibility.

Louis had an hour long debate with himself, which consisted of pacing in the dark living room while downing three cups of tea. He ruffled his hair, before sighing and calling himself ridiculous. He finally pulled out his laptop and answered him with an equally vague  **‘alright :)’**. He had added the smiley to give it a passive aggressive touch, hoping it sounded as sarcastic as it did in his head. He wanted to be nothing but encouraging for Harry, even if it hurt him inside. He glanced towards Liam’s closed door, hoping he hadn’t woken up his flatmate by now since he found himself sprawled out on the couch again, a place he had decided he shouldn’t be while talking to Harry. Well.

Harry’s response was quick as always, making Louis spill hot tea on the front of his shirt in his haste to answer. He cursed as he pulled his shirt away off his body, getting up to put some ice cubes on his chest. He couldn’t help but imagine Harry waiting for Louis to reply, probably worrying his bottom lip as was his habit. Louis felt guilty, as he pressed ice on his chest and made his way back. Harry probably really wanted to share something with him while Louis had been lost in his own crisis. He felt terrible now.

_‘So...’_

There was a gap of time between the first text and the next, in which Louis felt his fingers freeze due to the cold ice hence he threw it in the sink to melt. In the one minute which stretched, Louis conjured up a list of weird things Harry might say. But then it might be something normal too. He took a sip of his now cooled tea, watching as another message popped up from Harry just as he was about to swallow the drink.

_‘Remember how the first ask you had sent me was you asking if there was someone special I was aiming my poems at? And then again when you asked and I told you should come off anon if you wanted to know? And then you never asked again? Well about that. There is someone actually...’_

And Louis gulped down his tea in surprise and he coughed and spluttered as it went down his windpipe. He tried stifling his coughs with the back of his hands as he desperately prayed for Liam not to wake right now. He would see the three empty cups lying beside him and flip out. He would also see the laptop and know he was up to something too. He hated being so predictable.

Louis’ eyes were watering as he scanned the message over once again, blinking furiously to clear his vision. Yeah so it was a question he had asked, but did he really want to know? No, he didn’t. But he was also curious, to know about his competition of sorts. He was also jealous, of a person he didn’t know yet. It wasn’t as if Harry was going to say he liked Louis all along since he was practical. It was a distant fantasy and life wasn’t always a rom-com. There was only one thing to do, which was listening to Harry talk about his crush since it was a grave he had dug himself. He was stuck between wanting to know and letting it be a mystery that it just might be the biggest dilemma of his life. He suppressed a groan, shaking his head to get out of his thoughts.

“Get yourself together, Tommo,” he whispered to himself. Also get your head out of your arse and don’t be so selfish, he added in his head. He wanted Harry to be happy more than anything, so that meant swallowing his jealousy too.

**‘Who is the lucky one then?’**

Ideally, Louis should be adding in a pronoun subtly so that if he was wrong, Harry would correct with a gender. It would be confirmation for him, really if that but then he liked living in his fantasy world sometimes. It was a perfect way of dealing with things, he thought even if everyone said otherwise. So he kept it gender neutral, just like Harry always did and would add in a gendered pronoun later on just in case. Right now he was being vague, casual and curious. Oh and he was also being supportive towards Harry.

“Supportive,” he said out loud in the darkness of the room. The word sounded bitter on his tongue, odd in this context too. Louis shook his head to clear his mind of thoughts and took in a deep breath.

_‘Um I can’t tell you their name.’_

**‘What why?’**  (Why can’t he tell? Why oh why.)

_‘Oh it’s not you but... I actually don’t know what their name is? I’m not sure.’_

**‘How could you not? Don’t you stalk your crushes to know everything about them?’**  (Yeah he might be hitting a little close to home.)

_‘Haha no. That's not one of my styles.’_

Louis had a feeling Harry was currently chuckling at that terrible pun he made. A wide smile spread over his face at that thought.

_‘I’ve actually heard their name but I’m not sure.’_

**‘Uh huh. So why are you telling me about them now?’**

_‘Because I need to talk to someone and get it out of my head and you’re here so.’_

The ‘and I trust you’ was unsaid but Louis knew it was implied. He felt a little pleased to know that he had come to be one of the people Harry trusted enough to confess his deepest feelings to. It might be due to the assumed distance between their locations and that Tommo doesn’t know him. But it didn’t stop the irrational and completely unnecessary butterflies to take flight in his tummy, fluttering happily. He would love for them to know that this conversation was about Harry telling him he loved someone else, that they weren’t needed right now. But the butterflies sprung from his heart and not logic, so they wouldn’t understand. He tried his best to ignore them and focused on formulating a response. But before he could send it, another message from Harry came through.

_‘Oh also, my roommate is tired of listening to me :(’_

He laughed, shaking his head. He knew it was Harry’s attempt to placate the situation as to not sound as strange as it should. It was sweet of him, and Louis could relate. So he hit send on the message he already written.

**‘Thinking of her in the middle of the night then, H?’**

_‘Well I think of them all the time. But the middle of the night is the time I can actually dwell on those thoughts without my roommate telling me off.’_

Louis suppressed a snigger at that, sipping his tea instead. He could understand where Harry was coming from on that, since he was in the same situation. Liam had gotten increasingly grumpy lately, not allowing him to speak more than ten words about Harry. He would shoot him a death glare, making Louis swallow down his words and retreat to his room to mope in peace. They seemed to share a similar type of roommate then – annoying. But Liam was nice as well and it might be that Louis was being more annoying than usual. Not that he’d admit it. 

And the second time he read over the message Louis wanted to coo. Harry was a romantic, not that it was a surprise. Thinking of the person you like at night in a not creepy way wasn’t a feat but still. Harry sounded cute and romantic to Louis and he couldn’t help but giggle. He wondered what it would be like to be Harry’s crush. Harry would write him poems and maybe some songs, sing them to him in the middle of the night. Sometimes, even sing him to sleep. And he’d do it all with a wide, dimpled grin and those green eyes full of love. And oh did Louis want that. He wanted that love and romance, something he felt was missing in his life. He wanted someone who would be just as big a sap as Louis. And that person was Harry. His logical brain supplied that it was a farfetched dream and would never happen since Harry wrote poems for someone else. But Louis told it to shut up.

What Louis would love to do was write to Harry how he had a roommate too who acted just the same. But he would have to reveal he had someone he liked too. And he couldn’t take that step, couldn’t talk about Harry to Harry and risk giving himself away. It would be a complete disaster and he wasn’t ready to do that. So he wrote something else.

**‘But how cute is that, Harry!’**

**‘I can just imagine you thinking in the dark of the night about the person you like. Writing it down in the light of the candle and making it something meaningful. And you’re a poet too so...’**

_‘Well, Tommo, that I am. But it is crushing when you can’t have that person.’_

**‘Is it?’**  (Tell me something I don’t already know, he thought.)

_‘Also, the light is on. We aren’t in the eighteenth century!’_

**‘Cheeky.’**

And just like that, completely unprompted, an image of Harry popped up in his head. He had a sombre expression, holding a quill in his hand for reason as he wrote poetry. It might have been the eighteenth century comment, or the aesthetic of it all influenced by Harry’s photographs. And maybe, just maybe he was becoming a dramatic tumblr person. He sighed, shaking his head. His hair fell into his eyes, and he gently flicked it off to one side. He realised that even though the imagery was beautiful, the poetry still would be directed to someone else. To the someone who held Harry’s heart, who was lucky. His heart sank just as quickly as it had soared, and he swallowed down his feelings. He needed to quit this conversation right now and go to sleep. He did have a long day ahead of him, and he was pretty sure it was late. He had no wish to, but he would have to bid farewell. He wondered how to exit.

And just like that, all of a sudden, the lights in the living room switched on, blinding Louis’ eyes by the sudden brightness. It had scared the living lights out of him ironically and his heart was beating fast. Louis covered his eyes with his palm, blinking furiously until he could see through the gap in his fingers. Standing near the switch was Liam, droopy eyed and grumpy. Louis’ heart was still thundering with receding fear, something he didn’t like the feeling of. He also didn’t like the sudden brightness. “What the fuck?”

“Actually, that's what I should be asking you,” Liam mumbled as stared Louis down with his best ‘disappointed mother’ expression. Louis had begun to feel guilty for no reason already, shoulders hunching as he shut the laptop. “And why are you chatting with Harry so late? Don’t you have lectures early in the morning?”

“Uh who are you? My mother?”  Okay so it may not have been his best comeback, as he crossed his arms over his chest. But he could blame it all on the late hour and the dizziness the sudden brightness had caused.

“Someone has to be,” Liam grunted, leaning against the wall as he mirrored Louis’ crossed arms. He frowned at his friend, keeping the eye contact until he remembered what he was doing before. He had yet to say goodbye to Harry, who might be waiting for a message. He opened his laptop checked the screen, finding Harry had sent him  _‘always ;)’_  in response. It made his lips twitch, but he didn’t smile since Liam was still tracking his every movement. He didn’t need to give him an incentive.

**‘Um Harry I need to go sleep now. Sorry. My roommate slash mother is glaring at me. We’ll talk tomorrow?’**

**‘And I want to hear about your girl.’**

He winced internally after he had sent the ‘girl’ part but he couldn’t do a thing about it. He blamed it all on Liam and his scrutiny. Damn.

 _‘No problem’_ , came the reply instantly.  _‘I know how roommates get. Goodnight Tommo. Xx H.’_

**‘Goodnight Haz xx.’**

Louis closed the browser quickly, shutting off his laptop and keeping it on the table. Then he turned to face his friend, crossing his arms again as he raised his eyebrows pointedly. “Are you happy now, Liam?”

Liam didn’t look happy, actually just looking at him unimpressed and grim. “Do I see three cups of tea beside you?”

“Good observation, Liam,” Louis retorted, picking up the three cups and showing it to him. He then strolled into the kitchen to escape his judgement, but it was no help. He usually just left his dirty cups in the sink, which would eventually be washed by Liam but he didn’t need more complaints so he rinsed it. He could feel his friend’s gaze on him the entire time and feel the tension in the air which he tried to ignore.

“Don’t avoid me,” Liam said, huffing. He was still leaning against the wall, eyes narrowed in judgment with his hair tousled and messy. He didn’t look at all scary, despite what he was trying to be at the moment. He looked adorable, like a fluffy pigeon. If pigeons could be adorable.

“I’m not,” Louis replied with a saccharine smile as he wiped his hands on his joggers. He walked up to Liam and patted his cheek. “So I’ll be going to sleep now, baby. And I think you should too. Goodnight.”

“This isn’t over, Louis,” Liam grumbled after Louis had walked away and shut the door to his room. Louis closed his eyes, waiting for the footsteps to stop and the door to close before he let out a sigh of relief. It was pure luck that he had gotten out of it right now, he thought as he walked to his bed. He would have to face his friend tomorrow, and now it would just be Louis and his thoughts. Somehow, that was worse.

As Louis lay in bed, he couldn’t help but imagine Harry with some faceless girl. He had a feeling she was gorgeous, whoever she was. He tossed and turned on his bed and right when he was on the brink of sleep, he reflected back on their conversations. Harry had been vague with his pronouns, being gender neutral effortlessly through. In his opinion, no straight person would use gender-neutral terms. It seemed pointless for them, since straightness was assumed. He had a slightly biased feeling that Harry might not be straight after all, and the person he liked just might be a guy. He couldn’t be too sure, even if his heart was sure on it. Louis would have to gently slip the question in their conversation somehow, he decided.

After that he fell asleep, his thoughts forgotten in the coming morning.

~**~

_“I overheard a man whisper, “I am a lover not a fighter,”_

_And to myself I thought I, am in fact, both._

_For is it love at all if it’s not worth fighting for?”_

~**~

And so Louis decided not to ask Harry about their gender.

Louis didn’t know what their name was, but over the course of the next few weeks, he knew a lot of details about them. He also knew how much Harry’s marvelled over each of their features and subsequently got jealous of them. A lot.

_‘You know Tommo I saw them again today and gosh, they’re so beautiful. I can’t even tell you how beautiful they are. Also they seem so tiny even though they aren’t that short. It’s so cute.’_

_‘The prettiest eyes someone can have. Their eyes sparkle too, I mean, how?’_

_‘Their hair seems soft and even when ruffled by the wind.’_

_‘They are delicate? I want to hold them close.’_

_‘Oh they have the most amazing bum I’ve seen. Like a perfect peach!’_

Those were what Louis could remember from the top of his head, each being gender neutral. There was no distinct feature which would help him identify their gender and he was convinced Harry was the master of masking gender. He was being very cautious about not letting even a single gender identifying detail slip, and it was fucking with Louis’ head. Harry constantly talked about his crush’s eyelashes, saying he’d be writing odes to them. They were apparently beautiful too, and Louis didn’t get the attraction. So one time he stared too long at Harry’s side profile and thought yes, Harry had pretty eyelashes too. So he concluded that love for eyelashes came with attraction to the person.

So far, from Harry’s vague but detailed description, Louis had drawn up a mental picture of a faceless person in his head. He saw the person as pretty, but short and curvy with the longest eyelashes known to man and sharp cheekbones. He didn’t know what to do with his information really, but he found himself scanning the campus for someone who would fit the description. So far, no one fit the criteria but then the person might not been in the same Uni right? But somehow, in Louis’ head the person vaguely resembled a girl. He was so heteronormative he hated it.

He found immense glee, as well as jealousy that one time Harry talked about how the said person might be dating someone else. Jealousy because the way Harry talked about them was the way Louis wanted him to talk about Louis, and glee because well, if they were taken then Harry wouldn’t be able to be with them and Louis would have the slightest of chance. Immediately he’d felt guilty for thinking it.

_‘I saw them with some other guy right now. The two of them were walking hand in hand and laughed together. I think they might be dating?’_

_‘Like I don’t want to assume, Tommo, I really don’t. But they do look like lovers. I hate this.’_

**‘Yeah?’**

_‘I mean I guess...’_

**‘Okay H.’**

_‘Do you think I’m projecting? Or is it my jealousy?’_

_‘When I saw the two of them today, the guy being obviously tall and buff and cute, so I wouldn’t fault them but. I want to be that guy?’_

_‘But friends walk hand in hand too right?’_

Denial. That sounded a lot like denial, the emotion he felt every minute while talking to Harry. Not this time, since he was feeling extreme jealousy, as Harry described and a slight bit of annoyance with himself. What was he doing? What? He needed to make a move, if this person was taken. But he would have to do it in real life. How would he achieve that?

**‘Right.’**

_‘Are you being sarcastic? Or are you making fun of me?’_

And just like that all of Louis’ jealousy faded, turning into guilt. He flipped onto his stomach and buried his head in the pillow. He was being rude right now. Louis had promised himself that he would be supportive of Harry, but all these positive thoughts in his head won’t let him be. He was feeling bitterness towards this unnamed and faceless person, which they probably didn’t deserve. He also felt anger towards himself, which was rightfully directed. Also he felt very, very sad. But he was determined to be a good friend, if that's all he’ll ever be. So... He screamed into the pillow, hoping to remove all the bitterness from his system. He turned on his back again, taking a deep breath. He had to stop replying half-hearted and monosyllabically and just be supportive.

“Fuck supportive,” he mumbled under his breath before he started typing. Be happy and let Harry be happy. Be a friend, if that.

 **‘That was not my intention, sorry H. I just don’t know the details about the person so I can’t just tell you anything right now. But there might be some positive side to it right?’** (Okay a little white lie hurt no one, and so he said as he lied about his whole identity.)

_‘I guess?’_

_‘Oh yeah. I heard their laugh because of it? That’s pretty great.’_

**‘See! There’s the positive side.’**

_‘Yeah.’_

_‘Their voice is like an angel, have I told you? But like, everything about them is angelic so I’m not that surprised. He sounds like those sirens in mythology that used to lure sailors to them by singing beautifully. Their laugh is so high and beautiful, and it makes me want to capture it and then let it cajole me to sleep. Like they’re just wonderful.’_

And then Harry went on praising them again and that was that. Louis didn’t notice the gender slip then, busy feeling jealous.

Lately Louis found himself having a hard time concentrating in classes, well more than usual. Harry always smiled at him whenever they passed each other, which set butterflies in Louis’ stomach. He was always lost in thoughts though, wondering who the person Harry likes might be. He even spied on him a little, trying to see if there was anyone who he did like. Liam called it creepy while Louis called it conflicting. Harry always said his friends said he gained a dazed expression when he saw him crush, but Louis didn’t see him give it to anyone. It was frustrating. He just wanted to know more about them, whether or not he talked to them daily. Hence Louis asked Harry about it two weeks after that day. Indirectly, of course.

**‘So have you ever talked to them, Harry?’**

_‘No!’_  came the response. And it didn’t surprise Louis much. Or did it? He didn’t know.

_‘Okay a little. But that was an accident and we never had a real conversation.’_

**‘Accident?’**

_‘Yeah long story.’_

**‘But why haven’t you talked to them yet? Won’t be hard though.’**  (Says Louis, yeah.)

_‘I can’t. I’m shy.’_

And okay this did surprise Louis. He had seen Harry around, being flocked by people of both genders, whom he chatted with merrily and without a care. He laughed loudly, grinning widely at everyone he passed and never gave off a shy vibe. At least not to Louis. He seemed like a social butterfly, fluttering his wings and charming everyone. Heck he had even talked to Louis, whose only interaction might have been falling into his arms accidentally. And that awkward pencil conversation. So yeah, he did find it hard to believe that Harry of all people would say he’s shy. He tried to contain his curiosity, and question him without giving away ‘ _Tommo’s_ ’ real identity.

**‘Really? You and shy? That’s something I never thought of you as being.’**

_‘Yes I am so shy. At least when it comes to my crushes. I wish it was easy to just go up to them and talk. All this staring from a distance and sighing helplessly gets old real fast.’_

Louis understood. He really did. He always said anxiety was a bitch.

 **‘I get it.’**  He deliberated on whether or not to add that he was in the same boat as well. But then ultimately, he refrained. If he started talking about his crush, he would go on about curly hair and green eyes with flowery shirts and bandanas. He wouldn’t be able to be subtle like Harry was. So no, he couldn’t talk to Harry about Harry without alarming him. He huffed and then sighed.  **‘So what are you planning to do about that crush of yours?’**

_‘Wait for them to speak first? I actually don’t know. I’m just incredibly awkward and shy around them so I usually avoid them. And even if I do find them, I can’t talk.’_

Louis felt the same really, and hadn’t thought he’d find it similar with Harry. He shook his head before acting like a hypocrite.  **‘Keep that strategy up. It might even work in a few years.’**

_‘Shut up! I hate you.’_

**‘You love me.’**

Louis froze as soon as he sent it, blinking blankly at it as he realised what he had done. It was a common response of his, had sent the same to Liam a few times. It was normal, certainly. But then he didn’t like Liam that way, the voice of reason in his head supplied unhelpfully. And Louis was beginning to hate that voice.

Again, that was the end of the conversation or so it seemed. He did not receive a response for the next fifteen minutes, and in that time he tried not to cry. One because it was pathetic to. And two, because well, he was still at work. He sighed, looking at the empty ice cream shop. A few minutes later a gaggle of kids walked in, and Louis pasted on a smile as he took their order. He tried his best to be cheerful, before slumping on the counter after all of them had left.

Late that night when Louis checked his phone one last time before he went to bed, he found a response waiting. Harry had texted him to say that he indeed loved him, but then that was a platonic message for ‘Tommo, the internet stranger’. The butterflies in his stomach sprung up again as he smiled. He got a peaceful night’s sleep after.

~**~

_“And in between each snowflake, and in between each fall,_

_I will think of nothing but you or I will think nothing at all.”_

~**~

The next few days turned out to be pretty hard on Louis and he was close to completely losing it. It seemed as if every professor of his was intent to give them assignments at once so that he was drowning under the pressure of it. On the top of that, Harry wouldn’t stop talking about his mystery crush. It was emotionally exhausting to read him go on and on about them. He posted more poetry about their eyes in the private chat and was being a mess about it. Surely Louis was in no place to judge him and he didn’t really, but still. It made his heart ache and yearn and take a toll on him. So he started using assignments as excuses to avoid replying to Harry. It made him feel guilty for leaving him hanging for hours before he would the same excuse again. It didn’t help that Liam gave him a sour look when he read their chats, shaking his head disapprovingly. And see, that was exactly why Louis never understood his friend. He never quite understood what he wanted out of him. It was confusing and unnecessarily stressing.

He was thinking about Liam’s disappointed stare from last night, along with thinking of Harry as he walked out his lecture. He was deep in thoughts and was startled when he heard his name being called out from across the campus, loud and familiar. He turned towards the sound instinctively but frowned when he couldn’t find the exact source of him. It felt as if the voice had echoed and he was left spinning around in the middle of the campus like a loon. He frowned but in all that spinning, he had managed to spot Harry. He was far away, chatting with his friend and laughing. Louis tried not to fixate lest he got caught, but he found himself staring anyway. And as if he had felt eyes on him, Harry turned to look right at him. Green eyes were boring into his blue ones, and even with all the distance Louis felt his breath hitch.

“Louis!” called someone again and Louis had to tear his gaze away reluctantly. The voice was closer than before and right behind him. So he took a deep breath, pretending he wasn’t caught staring at his crush as he spun. He came face to face with his only friend in Uni. Niall.

“Hey,” he said breathily, hand reaching instinctively to brush his fringe to one side. He could still feel Harry’s gaze burning into the back of his head, which might be his hallucination too. Either way, it was getting his flustered and red. So he plastered on a wide grin and looking at his friend, who was sporting a similar, if not wider, grin. Louis was always a man of few friends, and most of them were from back home. Niall was his first friend after he moved in London, and might be the only new one too. He had just slid up to him in one of the classes and started talking to him as if they were old friends.

Niall sort of knew everyone on campus, and claimed to be good friends with most. Louis had to believe it since he seemed to be the kind. The two of them didn’t get time to catch as much, except for when they happened to meet out of the blue. Niall sent him jokes while insisting they meet and Louis would agree, needing to get away from Liam for a while. And right now, as he looked up to Niall’s hair, he gasped. “You dyed your hair!” he exclaimed, eyebrows rising.

Niall subconsciously raised his hands to touch the tip of his quiff as he grinned. “Oh yeah. I mean I didn’t dye it. I just didn’t dye it.”

“What?” he asked, face scrunching up in confusion as he tried to decode his sentence. Niall just shrugged, wrapping an arm around Louis’ waist as he started walking. The latter hurried to keep pace with him.

“My hair is naturally brown, Tommo,” Niall said loudly as he laughed louder. Louis winced, hoping they were far enough from Harry that he wouldn’t be able to overhear them. His internet persona would be blown and badly at that. He didn’t know why he told Niall that nickname anyway. Maybe he shouldn’t have had. “I was bleaching my hair since I was ten. And two months back I thought what if I don’t. Was trying to see how it was. Looks good right?”

“It does,” Louis said, feeling like a bad friend. How had he not known that he dyed his hair? Oh because he had always assumed Niall was blond. But then there were signs like his roots being brown. “I feel like a bad friend for not knowing that fact.”

“Not a big deal, mate. It’s not like anyone asks about natural hair colour, right?”  He laughed at his own joke and Louis chuckled along, even if it was half-hearted. He had noticed how Niall was trying to be discreet as he dragged Louis out of campus. He knew yet he didn’t say a word about it. “But the problem is that we don’t hang out anymore. Why is that?”

“I’ve been busy,” Louis said and it wasn’t exactly a complete lie. Between pining over Harry, Uni and his job there was no time for anything else. Liam had been sure to complain sometimes about being ignored and in retaliation, Louis ignored him. He could probably make some time, if he pushed ‘thinking about Harry’ aside. And he was down to do that right now anyway so eh.

“Liar,” Niall accused but winked and laughed to say he wasn’t being serious about him. Louis was feeling guilty anyways. He needed to be more social in life, he told himself. Maybe it would help him get rid of anxiety. But then social interactions made him feel exhausted and he didn’t like dealing with that so. Niall knew about it, understood him too as he told him that even he was a little anxious. But his friendliness would trump that and he found himself right in the centre of attention. Louis wished he was more like Niall. It would be nice. “I’ll buy that excuse only if you buy me a drink. Let’s hang out now. You free?”

He actually was. He didn’t have work for another two hours. He had planned to go home and have a cry over Harry but this would be a better plan. It would do him nice to get away from those thoughts and the thoughts of Harry’s mystery person. It would be a nice break from that and Liam’s judgement. “But no drinks right now, Ni. It’s not a reasonable hour. I can buy you coffee though.”

“Fuck reasonable hour,” Niall shrieked, startling the woman who passed him and she gave them a glare. Louis smiled at her apologetically while Niall ignored her. “But yeah alright, coffee should do for now. I just remembered I have work later on. So shall we?”

And Niall suddenly stopped and Louis realised they were facing the coffee shop which was a little outside of the campus. That sneaky bastard, he thought to himself as he chuckled. He pushed the door open and walked in, with Niall following him. “Hopefully there’s some tea for me.”

There was. So at the end of the hour, Louis found himself being invited to a party Niall was throwing the following weekend. He hadn’t been looking for an invitation but it wouldn’t hurt right. Sensing his reluctance, Niall invited Liam to tag along as well and he couldn’t deny it. It would be a change for Saturday night, which he would now spend at some house party rather than chatting with Harry. He convinced himself it was a better idea as he bid farewell to his friend. And later when he reached home and relayed it to Liam, he got a similar response.

“You do need to get out of your head a little,” Liam said, as he cut the tomatoes neatly into equal pieces. Louis refrained from rolling his eyes. “Go out, meet new people and all that. And only this once, alcohol is a good idea.”

“Is it really?”

“Yeah but.” Liam shrugged as he looked up and pointed his knife at Louis. He took a step back instantly. “You know what I mean.”

Louis tilted his head to a side. “I am a little unsure about this, Liam. But yeah, wouldn’t hurt. And would help me get away from Harry.”

“Damn right.” He nodded as he went back to cutting tomatoes. “And don’t worry. I won’t be leaving your side throughout the night.”

~**~

_“I spill words like water_

_And hope through the sound of them dripping that if enough of them fall,_

_You will want nothing more than to swim inside them.”_

~**~

Liam did not abide by his promise and things didn’t go like Louis had planned.

One hour into the party, Louis found himself standing amongst sweaty, drunk people and regretted his decision to ever attend Niall’s party. Especially due to his traitorous friend, who had abandoned him at the drop of a hat. He knew no one, except for a few faces he had seen but no one he had talked to. He begrudgingly sat down on the couch, watching everyone else have fun and dance. Sure he had booze. But he also had loneliness and the heterosexual couple snogging beside him as company. Two things he didn’t want right now. It wasn’t as if he minded the heterosexual part, it was just that they were moaning so loudly and they did not care that the other person beside them was getting squished. Maybe they weren’t aware of him at all and that was just rude. Get a room, he thought and directed his gaze at them, hoping they would take the hint and leave. He tried his best to ignore the kissing sounds and flailing arms. Gross.

But besides that, Louis could admit he was still perfectly content sitting there and sipping on his strong drink. He had been ignoring Harry on tumblr, hoping that not messaging him would give him the courage to approach him in real life but that didn’t work out well. He had kept the notifications off so his phone didn’t burn in his back pocket. Neither did his fingers itch to reach for it. No, he was perfectly fine right now ignoring it and Harry. Also he was a big fat liar.

Louis sighed, leaning back into the couch and narrowly dodged an elbow.

If he was being honest, Louis’ presence wasn’t required there anymore. He could just up and walk out of the flat at any given point. Liam was off somewhere so he wouldn’t mind or notice even. He could walk back home alone since their flat wasn’t far away. But then there was something holding him back and making him stay put on the couch beside the couple. Something in the form of an overgrown deer with doe green eyes and beautiful hair who was in the same room as him.

Apparently Harry had had the same idea as Louis, abandoning their unspoken Saturday night ritual and gone to the same party as him. He was unavoidable, at least to him as Louis’ eyes constantly trailed towards the corner where he stood. He was laughing and stood in the midst of a small group of people. Everyone’s eyes were on him, brimming with fascination and adoration and Louis’ were too. Just, he was also pining.

Louis didn’t know how Harry happened to be there, or whether or not Niall actually knew him. But it didn’t surprise him in the least since Niall and Harry happened to have a lot of friends and they were bound to cross each other’s paths some time. Although Louis was grumpy about the fact that Liam had abandoned him with smooching sounds for company, he had to admit staying and watching Harry wasn’t so bad. It was art in motion. Of sorts.

But how much ever Louis did love cute, drunk Harry who was unstable on his feet more often than not as he pranced around being a goof, it was painful as well. Painful because drunk Harry was all over people all the time, draped over whomever he talked to, male or female. It made Louis incredibly jealous, almost enough to make him want to walk up to him. But not enough to actually go through with the plan. So he just sat there wallowing in his anxiety as always while trying to burn with his eyes whoever touched Harry.

Otherwise, he was fine.

No actually, scratch that.

Louis was still really, really regretting his decision of agreeing to come to Niall’s party. Speaking of the guy, he hadn’t seen the host since he had let them in and disappeared into the crown. Weird. The loud Irishman had disappeared in the clasps of a louder crowd. He could leave right now, he thought again. But leaving this place meant leaving Harry behind too and he didn’t feel like taking his eyes off him yet. So he stayed put, chugging on his drink slowly.

Louis seemed to have zoned out, not knowing for how long. But when he blinked back into reality, he realised the couple beside him had disappeared. Thankfully. Maybe they had heard his mental pleas and actually gotten or left, who knew. Either way, he was rejoicing for getting a couple-free couch for himself. So he leaned back into the comforts of the couch and redirected his gaze towards Harry to find no Harry. The group he was talking to was still there, still laughing but Harry was nowhere to be seen. He pouted at the absence of the boy. It had been endearing to watch drunken Harry, albeit having to stifle his jealousy. He had to stop himself from acting on his wild urge to separate Harry from whomever he was clinging to. Louis sighed, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. He could hear the laughter of people and music and let it wash over him. He felt alone again. If Harry had left then Louis had to too, since he had no use here. And if Harry had left, then it was probably with someone else since he would right? Maybe he finally talked to the mystery crush of his.

The alcohol in Louis’ system was making him feel lax and lazy while his thoughts were running right into the melancholy zone. He really didn’t want to think about Harry being with someone else but here he was doing that very thing. With people around.

He could vaguely register the dipping of the sofa beside him as someone sat down. Their arms brushed together, but Louis didn’t bother opening his eyes. So he didn’t as he prayed that this time it was a single person taking rest rather than another couple who would elbow him. He was content sitting there for a few more minutes until the dizziness passed so he could walk home without stumbling and getting lost. He wasn’t planning on opening his eyes then, but the person beside let out a small, soft giggle. Their hand touched him again as their fingers trailed down Louis’ bare arm. The sound had been the most familiar thing Louis had heard and his eyes automatically flew open. Louis turned to look at the person beside him and found himself looking into two, glazed over but sparkling green eyes.

If he was honest, they looked more of stormy blue under the lights but Louis knew what colour they were supposed to be. There was a swooping sensation in his stomach and his arm burnt where Harry’s fingers had touched him. To his surprise, Harry hadn’t left rather he had moved closer to him. Louis didn’t register the passage of time under Harry’s intense stare, but he did feel his cheeks heating up so he looked away for a few seconds before looking back again. Harry looked more gorgeous than usual this close.

If he wasn’t mistaken, Harry shifted a little closer after a few minutes as his eyes dropped to Louis’ lips. As cliché as it was, he felt as if the noise around them had dimmed down to nothing as his heart sped up. The colours from around them were reflected back in Harry’s eyes, and he was transfixed. Also, did he say his heart was beating fast since it sure as helll was thundering in his ears, louder than everything. It was so loud, he felt as if everyone in the room could hear it. Time slowed down, idling around as Harry kept staring at Louis’ lips before they finally moved up his face. Louis finally exhaled before taking in a deep breath.

“Hi?” he managed to squeak, just to stop Harry from flustering him more. He could hear his voice was unnaturally high but hopefully it was masked by the noise around them. He had no clue what was going around them except for the way Harry’s nose scrunched up. He did not know how much time had passed and he blamed it on Harry. That boy messed up time, or he was really drunk. Louis held his breath until Harry leaned away and a slow smile spread on his lips. He felt both disappointed and relieved by the distance between them right now.

“Hiii,” Harry replied, dragging the word all of one minute and smiled like a complete goof as he did it. Louis wondered how much Harry had to drink yet as he grinned back. He was endeared by the dopey smile Harry had and was pretty sure he was mirroring it. He was still staring at Louis though, just from a little further away while not saying another word. Louis was feeling more dizzy with the attention he was getting also giddy. Was this his imagination? Had he fallen asleep on Niall’s couch? And more importantly, was it up to him to uphold the conversation? Because that was not a good idea at all, especially not when he was inebriated.

“Friends abandoned you?” Louis asked, knowing that it was not true. They were right there in the corner. Yet, conversation right. He leaned a little back onto the couch while keeping his eyes on Harry. Harry tracked his movements as he blinked slowly.

“What?” he asked, scrunching up his face in confusion, tilting his head to a side. Louis’ cheeks hurt from how wide his smile was but he couldn’t help it. Harry was something else entirely. And he was currently looking around him as if to check on his friends before pouting. “I don’t know. But whatever, I don’t mind it. I came over to talk to you. So I have you.”

Harry spoke slower than usual as he dragged out the last ‘you’ with a satisfied, gleeful smile on his face. His dimples had popped up on both his cheeks, eyes shining brighter than any light overhead and Louis’ heart skipped a beat. His heart had decided a while back that skipping a beat was a good sport, uncaring of his health. Or maybe Harry didn’t care for his health, which was why he said stuff like this. Louis blinked a few times, feeling woozy as he resisted the urge to pinch himself. His mind was out of control. Alcohol mixed with Harry’s presence gave him an extreme high. “Um what?”

“Won’t you give me company?” Harry asked, sticking out his lower lip in a pout. He widened his eyes pleadingly and Louis’ heart skipped another beat. And this was why Louis would end up a dead man soon and it would be entirely Harry’s fault. He could already read the headlines in his mind. But his brain wasn’t creative enough right now but he knew they would be somewhere along the lines of ‘extremely drunk Harry Styles kills somewhat sober Louis with his adorable pout’. Alright that was rubbish but so was every thought in his head at this point. Louis’ fingers tightened around the glass he was still holding after all this time and finished the rest of his drink. He kept the glass by his feet, relishing in the burn and bitter taste. Harry’s gaze was still on him, unwavering as it dropped down to Louis’ neck as he blinked slowly.

“Sun, can I borrow some of your shine?” Harry murmured, making no sense at all as he blinked his long eyelashes slowly. And what?

“What?” Louis asked out loud as he frowned. Harry looked up to meet his eyes, and frowned at Louis’ question before he smiled dopily.

“I don’t know what I’m saying.” He burst into giggles, shoulders hunching in the motion as he leaned forward into Louis’ side. He was closer to him than ever before, eyes still shining under the lights as he drew closer. His lips were almost touching Louis’ ears, his warm breath ghosting over him. “Maybe I should go before I embarrass myself any further.”

Louis wanted to pout and plead. He wanted to grab on to Harry’s wrist and pull him closer as he asked him to stay. He wanted Harry to talk to him all night, telling him all the gibberish he wanted to say that he wouldn’t when sober. Louis knew how Harry wrote at nights, how he wrote poems but he didn’t know how drunk Harry sounded and desperately wanted to. It was the longest conversation they had, even if under the influence of alcohol. It was nice to be acknowledged by his crush, made his insides feel all warm like they hadn’t in years. And it wasn’t just due to the drinks he had. Louis wanted to reach out and stop Harry from leaving, but he didn’t have to do any of that. Since the boy in question hadn’t moved an inch since Louis’ internal panic had started.

He had leaned a little away but still sat there. His eyes were focused on a spot somewhere near Louis’ neck. He wanted to ask Harry why he was still there but then he didn’t want to break the moment. Or want him to leave. So he kept mum, staring back.

After what felt like a century, Harry finally unfroze, blinking furiously as he sighed. His breath hit Louis’ face as he leaned away completely. Harry was looking into Louis’ eyes now which his finger carded through his hair. Sudden realisation passed through him as his eyes widened with whatever the thought was. But it passed as quickly as it had come, his face smoothening over into a relaxed and dopey grin. Harry’s hand came to rest on Louis’ thigh. “Goodbye Louis.”

And Louis couldn’t breathe. Harry’s hand was still resting on his thigh. On his thigh! The blood in Louis’ body rushed up to his cheek, making his head feel woozy again. This was well past a harmless crush Louis was sure. After a few seconds, which felt like hours, Harry patted his thigh three times before his hand was gone. With one last breathtaking, hazy smile and a wink, Harry was gone. He stumbled his way back into the crowd and Louis was left staring at the spot he had disappeared into, his mouth hanging slightly open. He was fucked. And not in a good way.

Louis groaned, sinking back into the couch he was sitting on and burying his face in his hands. Fuck.

~**~

_“What magic are you?_

_What wonderful sorcery,_

_What graceful mischief?”_

~**~

Louis blinked his eyes blearily, shielding his eyes against the light on his face. He had a slight hangover and was on the cusp of a major freak out.

He immediately turned over to bury his head in his pillow, groaning as he tried to relish the last few dregs of sleep. The previous night was slowly coming back to him, and along with it came a realisation. In the middle of mild hyperventilation and the general effect of the presence of Harry, he hadn’t realised at the moment but he had called Louis by his name. Before he left he had called him by his name which meant Harry knew it even if Louis had never told him it.

He made a sound in the back of his throat, and it sounded like gurgling as he hit his head on the pillow repeatedly. It made him feel a little nauseated and dizzy so he stopped but the action was more symbolic than anything. He was regretting his decisions. Harry knew his name, he thought and this time he squealed out loud.

Louis laid like that for a few minutes, with his face buried in soft pillow as he composed himself. After a few minutes he pushed himself off the bed and stumbled into the living room. He had his guilty expression on as he padded in but found the room to be empty. Now usually whenever Louis woke up after eleven, he had Liam waiting for him. He wore his fake glasses purposefully as he judged him through them before he started making breakfast. So the lack of a waiting Liam on the couch was strange in itself, so he double-checked to see if it indeed was their flat. It was. So where the bloody hell was Liam? Was he even home?

Louis had taken his shoes off in the middle of the living room last night so he kicked them aside right so he didn’t trip over it. He squinted around him as he considered calling him. He searched for his phone but before he could do anything, Liam’s door opened and out stumbled the boy. His hair was messy atop him, his eyes blinking blearily. And probably for the first time ever, he had woken up after Louis had. He was wearing the shirt from last night and Louis knew. So despite his throbbing head, he cleared his throat loudly, catching the eye of his friend. His eyes widened in surprise while Louis’ amusement increased.

“Morning Liam,” Louis sang on a joyful, trill note and grimaced at the scratchiness of his throat. He didn’t give him a fake cheery smile like he would usually, since this time his delight was very much real. He shuffled towards the couch and flopped down on it heavily, all the while staring at his friend. Liam gave him a weary look, trying to be discreet as he flattened his hair and tried to organise his generally dishevelled appearance. And even though Louis had a slight hangover – which was almost nonexistent if he was being honest – he wouldn’t let go of the opportunity to tease his friend. “So what's got you so tardy today Liam? Had a good night?”

“Shut up, Louis,” he muttered, rubbing his eyes. Louis laughed loudly before clutching his forehead.

“No really. When did you come home last night?”

Liam rolled his eyes as he ignored him, even if his cheeks did turn red. He cleared his throat and walked into their kitchen, which always never helped them escape. Liam was still in his line of sight, shuffling around in the kitchen and Louis stared him down. He kept his head ducked, eyes focused on his hands as he made tea but Louis didn’t give up. His determination lasted all of five minutes before it crumbled and Louis got tired and looked away. Liam handed him his mug of tea before sitting beside him and continued avoiding eye contact.

“Come on now, tell me,” Louis insisted, poking Liam in the ribs with his elbow. Liam flinched back and then glared. Louis took immense pleasure in it, as he grinned back innocently.

“I came home at five am alright, happy now?” Liam grumbled before taking a sip of his tea. It hadn’t cooled down enough so it burned his tongue. “Fucking shit.”

Louis giggled, shaking his head as he blew on his tea. “Now Liam, was that so hard? Also, I am assuming you were with a girl, right?”

Liam didn’t answer, just kept glowering back which gave him all the answers he needed. Louis drank his tea slowly, purposely making slurping sounds to annoy the other boy and grinned innocently when he glared. They sat in silence otherwise. After Liam had finished his tea, he walked back into the kitchen. Louis watched him check the fridge before opening random drawers and frowning. “Louis?”

“Yeah?”

Liam placed his hands on his hips. “Did you go grocery shopping on Friday like I asked you to?”

Louis blinked blankly at him before he recalled it. He had in fact not gone since it hadn’t crossed his mind on his way back home. Liam seemed to already know that, since he looked slightly annoyed and completely resigned. Louis gave him sheepish smile and a shrug. “Sorry?”

Liam groaned, throwing his head back before dragging his feet back into his room. Louis had finished his tea, keeping the mug on the coaster when his friend walked out in fresh, new clothes. He pulled Louis off the couch and pushed him in the direction of his bedroom and telling him to change. And that's how Louis found himself sitting in a booth at the nearby cafe, giving his friend a sour look.

“It wouldn’t have happened if you had gone grocery shopping,” Liam chirped before he picked up his menu, looking impervious by Louis.

“You could’ve just gone out by yourself and brought something home for me,” Louis hissed from across the table, glaring over his own menu. Liam hummed, still unbothered and did not reply, which rude. Louis huffed, lowering his eyes to read the menu. It was almost noon but the place was still quiet, a few other patrons sitting and chatting quietly. Louis was listening to the conversations around him, as he always did and that's how he probably heard it.

The door opened and then Harry’s unmistakable, squawk like laughter ran through the cafe. Of course, Louis thought to himself as he groaned. Of course he would be somewhere around Louis when he was dressed in ratty joggers and messy hair with his face still puffy. When he had gotten out of his house, looking barely presentable he had thought whom would he have to impress. And apparently, it would be Harry. But just his luck, he thought, closing his eyes.

A little luck must have remained, since at Louis’ insistence they had sat in the very back. So surely Harry wouldn’t be able to spot him there, which was sad and relieving at once. Again. Discreet as he could be, Louis turned in his seat to look in the general direction of Harry’s voice. It wasn’t hard to spot him since the place was empty. He was leaning against the counter, smiling at the person behind him while his friend was standing beside him, unsmiling.  Harry had worn a grey ensemble, from a grey beanie pulled low with small curls peeking out to his grey shirt and shorts. He had great legs, Louis mused as his eyes fixated on them before he looked back up. He looked like he had come back from a jog by the attire and the pit stains. Goes without saying, he looked fit as fuck. Louis was in a trance with his eyes roaming all over his body.

“Louis,” Liam called, breaking him out of it. He turned back quickly to glance at the menu in his hand, pretending to deliberate over his breakfast choice. He already knew what he was having. His ears were scanning the place for Harry’s voice, which had sadly grown hushed now.

“So I’m just going to have orange juice and omelette,” Liam announced, carefully folding the menu and slid it forward. He then crossed his arms over the table and stared at Louis expectantly. “What about you?”

“Harry... I mean sausages,” Louis said quickly, folding his menu swiftly and placing it on top of Liam’s. Louis’ cheeks coloured as Liam started snickering. “What? Shut up!”

“You want Harry for breakfast, Lou?” he asked, breaking into a louder spurt of laughter. He tried to stifle it with his hand but failed, eyes crinkling as he laughed. Louis blamed it all of Harry of course, whose presence had made him say his name. He picked up his menu to hit Liam’s arm with it and make him shut up. “Fuck off Leemo!”

“Alright alright,” Liam said, raising his hands to protect himself against Louis’ attacks. Louis stopped only when his friend stopped laughing before sitting back down. He smiled smugly at him before realisation hit. They had caused a scene, which surely would have caught Harry’s attention since he was still here. Everyone was probably looking at the table too, including Harry. Fuck, he thought as he dropped his head onto the table to hide himself. Liam frowned, clearly not feeling or understanding Louis’ panic. Softly, he whispered, “What’s wrong with you, Tommo?”

Louis’ heart skipped a beat in fear as he widened his eyes and made a shushing sound. He leaned forward to press his finger against Liam’s lips for good measure, and the latter’s thick eyebrows furrowed together. “He’s here,” he whispered, nodding his head to a side and hoping Liam got it this time.

“Who’s... oh,” Liam started against Louis’ finger before looking over his shoulder and finding the source of Louis’ panic. His face scrunched up in amusement, a mischievous smirk making way on his face. Louis was going to kill him, but not now since it would draw attention to them. “So lover boy is here. That's why you wanted him for breakfast.”

“Keep your voice down,” Louis hissed, glaring at his friend before taking off his finger. His friend was growing louder by the second, it seemed. Liam made a zipping motion over his lips but his brown eyes still twinkled with mirth. “We don’t want him to know I’m here. You get me.”

“As you wish, Lou.” He smiled before his eyes darted to Harry. His lips twitched even as he tried to keep his face impassive as he leaned in, looking directly into Louis’ eyes. “But I think it’s too late. He’s already looking at us and he does not look happy. His eyes are shooting daggers and he’s totally ignoring his sullen friend. His sullen friend, by the way, does not look happy about that either.”

“What?” Louis exclaimed, jaw dropping. And before he knew what he was doing, Louis turned to look over his shoulder. And sure enough, Harry was still standing in the same spot with his gaze directed at their table. His eyebrows were furrowed together, lips turned down and eyes looking fierce as he kept staring. His friend though, looked annoyed but he didn’t matter. What mattered was Harry was looking his way and looking like a serial killer, an expression he’d never seen on him. He blinked when he spotted Louis had turned before his previous expression melted away. His face turned soft, lips turning up in a smile with his dimples popping up. His eyes shone with excitement, a complete 180 from a few seconds ago. He looked like his sunshine self again in just three seconds, with no trace of his glare from before. Louis was left wondering if the expression from before even existed.

Louis was staring, unable to look away as Harry smiled at him and waved, with just two fingers fluttering. He smiled back awkwardly, waving before he turned to give Liam a wide-eyed, shocked look. Liam had been pressing his lips together to not break in a smile. “What the fuck. Was he really glaring before? Why was he glaring at me before?”

“Um mate, I’m pretty sure he was glaring only at me,” Liam said calmly, making Louis frown. It didn’t make sense for him to glare at Liam. They hadn’t even met, unless they had at the party. That would be a disaster but then Liam would have told him. His friend just sighed at Louis’ confusion, rolling his eyes. “You see, Lou, he was jealous of me sitting here with you. That's why he was glaring.”

“You think so?” Louis asked, his stomach feeling funny all of a sudden. Maybe it was hunger, he thought, knowing it was not.

Liam leaned in conspiringly, eyebrows raised in amusement and eyes glinting with excitement. “Yes I do.”

“If you say so, Li but I don’t believe you. It’s not possible. But anyway, what is he doing right now?”

“Now?” Liam asked, tilting his head to a side as he smirked. Louis nodded. “Well right now he’s walking towards us. He’s two tables away, one table away and...”

“What?” Louis managed to ask in a squeaky tone. It was all Louis could say before his senses were overwhelmed by rich cologne mixed with sweat and a crotch right beside him face. Harry was standing beside him now and Louis slowly looked up his torso, holding his breath. He found Harry’s smiling face looking down at him, his cute little curls peeking out more as they curled around his ear. His face was flushed, nose red and he looked so pretty even when sweaty that Louis could cry. “Hi Harry.”

“Hey Louis,” he said, lips rounding around his name as if he was revering it. But surely, that was just Louis’ imagination talking. It was the second time Harry had said Louis’ name and this time he had spotted it right then, unlike the last time. And he knew for sure that it wasn’t his drunken mind making things up. Harry saying his name was beautiful, words spilling from his lips in his deep voice that he loved. Louis tried not to blush too much and give himself away. “How are you today?”

“Hung-over,” Louis replied before he could think it all the way through. He masked his embarrassment by lifting one shoulder as he shrugged in a show of nonchalance. Liam snorted though, making Harry’s eyes dart towards him. The dark expression Louis had been sure he had imagined before was back. It led him to wonder if Liam was right about Harry being jealous. It could be that he just hated Liam for some reason. That seemed more plausible, honestly. “You, on the other hand, don’t seem to have any sort of a hangover. You look fresh and happy, unlike me. Also, did you really go out jogging this early?”

“Yup I did,” Harry chirped, nodding quickly as his dimples popped up again. It was way too early for Louis to be attacked by them, he thought. Way too early for Harry, period. He was just too adorable and harmful for Louis’ health. It did things like elevate his heartbeat and make his stomach rustle with butterflies. Harry placed both his hands on the table as he leaned in closer to Louis. His voice level dropped as if he was sharing a secret. “Jogging is a really good cure for hangovers, you know. At least for me, it is. That and yoga. Sure, I hate waking up early but at least I feel better, right?”

“Right,” Louis repeated, even if he had no clue why he did. His mind flashed with various images of Harry in yoga poses and it stirred something in him so he tried his hardest to shove them aside. “It does explain why you look so good and radiant while I look like a dump. And you were more wasted that I had been last night.”

Louis felt something inside of him die of embarrassment yet he kept smiling sheepishly at Harry. He could see Liam from the corner of his eyes, who was shooting him a puzzled and hurt look at not being informed of it. Liam had grown weirdly interested in them now but it wasn’t as if Louis got any time to tell him between the teasing from before and now. So he kept focusing on the curly haired boy, and how a pink hue had taken over his cheeks as he laughed bashfully. “Yeah I was. My friends kept handing me drinks and I kept drinking them. I barely remember last night. So sorry for being how I had been, you know.” As he said it, his huge hand came to rest on Louis’ shoulder and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. Hopefully he wasn’t red in the face. “If you were annoyed by me or something. I just tend to get... weird I guess? And clingy. A lot clingy and handsy with people. At least that's what my friends say.”

Louis smiled at him, his heart filling up with fondness for the boy. It probably showed up on his face since Liam kicked him harshly under the table. He held back a wince as he joined in with Harry in his laughter. “I wasn’t annoyed at all, Harry. You’re very cute when you’re drunk. And you say weirdly cute things to, which I didn’t understand but I liked it.”

Harry ducked his head, scuffing his shoes against the floor as he smiled. It was nice since he couldn’t see Louis’ blush. There was a reason he never talked to his crushes directly and that was because he kept embarrassing himself. His brain to mouth filter broke at times like these and he’d say just about anything. Harry was pushing his curls inside his beanie before he let his hand fall. “Thanks Louis.”

“Harry, why don’t you sit with us,” Liam interrupted abruptly, making two pairs of eyes turn to look at him. Louis would usually hate his friend for interrupting but this time he was thankful for it. He had been very close to blurting out something inappropriate or honest again. He gave him a private smile before looking up to check Harry’s reaction. He was frowning at Liam, looking likely an adorably confused frog. If frogs were ever adorable.

Harry straightened his shoulders, rubbing the back of his neck. “Are you sure? I mean I don’t want to impose on your... on you two. It’s all right, you don’t have to feel obliged to invite me. I was just here for buying something to eat while I jogged and I –”

“No you’re not imposing,” Liam insisted, shaking his head furiously. “We were just about to place our orders. So feel free to sit with us.”

“Yeah we’re not mean girls,” Louis added and cringed at it immediately. It made Harry laugh though, a honking sound as he threw his head back with his eyes shut. He laughed as if Louis had said the funniest thing ever as he placed his hand on his tummy. Liam was shooting Louis an exasperated look while the latter just kept smiling and feeling smug of Harry’s laughs. “I mean, you can sit with us.”

Harry wiped at his eyes as he nodded, even though Louis had not been that funny. His cheeks were red and Louis smiled at that. “Thanks. I’ll just go and get my friend, alright? Oh and also, what would you two take? I’ll order it back on my way.”

Liam rattled off their orders with a smile while Harry nodded with a frown. When he had finished speaking, Harry turned on his heel with a final nod and walked towards his friend, who was giving them a sullen look. But before he walked away just yet, he tapped on Louis’ shoulder, leaning in close as he whispered, “And on Wednesdays, I do wear pink.”

And with a wink, he swaggered away while leaving Louis laughing with the surprise of it all. When he calmed slowly, he rubbed at his eyes with the heel of his palm, cursing himself. But also, Harry had winked at him. “Harry winked at me.”

“I saw, Louis.” Liam kicked him under the table, not as hard as before but Louis still winced. “You’re an actual idiot, Tommo. You’re right, you shouldn’t be talking to him. You’re so lucky he’s smitten with you, for some reason. If he didn’t find you funny this would have been a disaster.”

“Shut up, Lima,” he hissed as he kicked him back. Objectively, he knew Liam was right that he was an idiot. He also knew it was a disaster just he didn’t want to hear someone else say that. He was going through it right now again, with the flashbacks playing in his head. “Also don’t call me...  _that_  when Harry is around. He’ll know it’s me and I don’t want him to.”

“But –”

“Yeah save the lecture,” he snapped before apologising. Liam waved the apology off with a smile. He knew Liam was looking out for him. “But he’s so nice, Liam what do I do? He offered to bring us orders, when he’s just met you. And I just, I can’t.”

Liam hummed with understanding before taking out his phone. He let Louis dwell in self-pity until Harry returned with his friend in tow, holding out a tray which he placed in front of Louis. His friend, who still looked sullen sat down beside Liam and grunted in greeting. Harry though, looked downright cheery as he sat down too close to Louis. Their arms brushed as Harry pulled off his beanie and shook his hair out like a dog. Louis looked on in fascination, as he pushed his hair back and blinked, before smiling. “Hi again, Louis.”

“Hello Harry.” His insides were feeling like mush and his eyes narrowed into slits with the intensity of his smile. Hopefully his brain was working just fine or he was going to embarrass himself further. He reached out to pick out his plate and saw Liam had already taken his and was currently smirking at Louis. He looked away, instead looking at the boy beside him. “So what is it that you’re having?”

“Oh I’m just having a sandwich for now,” he said, holding up said sandwich which was salad on bread. Louis frowned at it, making Harry chuckle. “Don’t worry I had two bagels on my way here. While jogging.”

“Eating while jogging?” Louis asked, leaning his head on his hand as he continued staring at Harry in surprise. “That must take a lot of stamina so you don’t run out of breath. Do you last long?” Liam kicked him on the shin. “Uh I mean when you run.”

“Yes,” Harry said faintly as he blushed. “Practise makes me better and last longer? I mean I guess.”

“Harry, start eating now,” his friend said flatly, frowning at them. He was holding the same sandwich as Harry, which was half eaten by now. For such a bearded, bored man his voice was much higher than one would think. Also Louis despised him at the moment. “We have to get going, remember? Places to be.”

“Yes Jeffery,” Harry deadpanned, rolling his eyes as he unwrapped his sandwich. “Glenne isn’t going to run away somewhere alright. Let me talk a little while with my... to Louis here okay? You keep eating.”

Louis and Harry started eating, taking small bites as they looked at each other simultaneously.

“So Louis,” Harry started while chewing. His words were garbled so he swallowed and grinned. Louis was rendered temporarily dumbfounded at the sight, since his smile was brighter than the sun, despite the piece of lettuce stuck in his teeth. Looking directly at the sun did that right, render you senseless? “Do you come here often?”

“No,” Louis said, huffing a laugh as he looked ahead. He kicked Liam lightly under the table, making him give Louis an offended look. “I told this guy to bring me home something. But he dragged me here instead of serving me breakfast in bed.”

“Well  _someone_  forgot to do grocery shopping two days ago,” he accused, kicking him back and hitting Louis on the ankle. He winced and glared. “Isn’t that right?”

“Well you didn’t remind me.”

“You finished the last carton of milk while pouring it over your cereal. You knew just about everything was finished. You don’t even –”

“You didn’t remind me!”

With every sentence, every accusation they made, they kicked each other under the table. It came to a halt when Harry yelped and Liam apologised. Louis pieced it together as Liam getting Harry’s leg instead of his own and looked over at him in concern. He watched as Harry’s lips pressed into a thin line as he looked at Liam, his eyes dark with... jealousy. Was it really jealousy, he wondered. But before he could question it, the boy turned to look at Louis and his expression vanished again. He was smiling again as he assured Louis he wasn’t actually hurt. Then immediately after, he managed to engage Louis in a conversation so all of Louis’ attention was taken. When Louis accidentally pretended to deepthroat his sausage, Harry stared darkly before choking on his spit and laughing nervously. Louis felt satisfied by the reaction as he ate, while his friend snorted on the other side.

Somewhere along, Liam reached out to grab Louis’ hand, playing with his fingers. Louis realised it but didn’t pay much heed to it since he was busy staring at Harry. But Harry noticed the second he reached out, eyes darting from Louis’ face to his hand, jaw clenching when he looked back up again. Shortly after, which was some twenty minutes later, Harry’s friend began complaining again. Harry sighed, rolling his eyes at his friend before apologising to Louis saying he had to leave. He said he didn’t mind while internally hating this Jeff character.

Louis waved at Harry, watching him and his curly hair disappear out the door. Harry turned to give him one last breathtaking smile before Jeff dragged him out. As soon as he left, Liam burst into laughter as he let go of Louis’ hand. It was then that he realised they were holding hands the entire time with him not realising at all. Around Harry, Louis tended to lose sight of everything else. But now that he heard Liam’s laughter, he kicked him under the table as he glared. “Why are you laughing?”

“Because...” he started before interrupting himself with another round of laughter, eyes almost shut with the force of it. Louis clasped his hands together on the table as he waited for his friend to finish but he wasn’t done. When his patience ran out, he finished the last bit of his breakfast but Liam didn’t look close to done. So he kicked. “Oh fucking stop that, will you. It hurts.” He rubbed at his foot while narrowing his eyes at Louis. “And are you blind or something? This is what your second or third interaction? How can you look at him and think he’s not half in love with you. All this pining after him and you just... don’t see. He’s smitten with you.”

“You know what Liam, I think you lie.”

“Then don’t believe me and continue your weird pining from a distance thing by all means,” he said, shrugging. He licked his fingers while Louis gave him a disgusted look. “But you will have to ask him soon. Either directly or via tumblr, your choice. Get your shit together or at least try.”

“Are you quite finished?” Louis asked, hope rising in his chest even as he crossed his arms over his chest to hold it down. “I need to go back to our flat and cry because I’m pretty sure Harry saw me in my ugliest form ever.”

Louis kicked him under the table in retaliation while Liam scowled.

~**~

_“I hope you can see the shape I've been in,_

_While he's touching your skin._

_This thing upon me, howls like a beast_

_You flower, you feast.”_

~**~

As usual, Louis didn’t follow through with Liam’s advice. He didn’t ask Harry who his mystery crush was, neither as himself nor as Tommo. Not that day, at least.

 _‘I think they have a boyfriend,’_  Harry sent him the next evening with a variety of frowny emojis attached that made Louis smile.

He chuckled and shook his head as he racked his mind for a reply  **‘aw why do you think that?’**

_‘So we ate food together the other day, right?’_

**‘Like a date?’**

_‘I wish haha no’_  (Louis let out a breath he was holding in and smiled again, before feeling guilty for it. Supportive, he reminded himself.)

_‘But it was more like I crashed on their date. They were sitting with this guy, and they invited me to eat with them. And I could see the two of them making heart eyes and playing footsie under the table. I never felt so sad.’_

**‘Aw my poor baby.’**

_‘I am a poor baby :( So tell me some jokes.’_

**‘Okay knock knock’**

_‘Knock knock jokes are my thing!’_

**‘I know ;)’**

_‘Meanie :(’_

And that had been that. He didn’t ask who it was. He didn’t ask him at all. He was delaying it until he couldn’t. And a few days later, he did ask, as Tommo of course.

It was a little past five am, his watch told him and Louis was drunk. He was sober enough to walk but the alcohol was making his thoughts tangle up. He wouldn’t know right from wrong but he still knew tumblr was a bad idea at that point.

Niall had found him on campus again a few hours ago, much in the same style but later in the day. He threw an arm over his shoulder as they talked and before he knew it, Louis was standing in front of a pub. Niall grinned cheekily as he persuaded him to come in front just a few pints. His arguments of it being only three in the afternoon were met with ‘it’s eight pm somewhere Lou so come on’ and followed by ‘you barely hang out with me anymore’ accompanied by a pout. So Louis gave in. Two pints turned into stronger drinks, which seemed to multiple the more he chugged them down. It was either that Niall kept replacing them with two full ones or Louis had officially gotten so drunk he was seeing doubles. He didn’t bother to check, drinking them all.

Louis was able to stumble home somehow, thankful for a day off from work. He took off his shirt and sprawled on the couch with his legs hanging out the side. He was scrolling through his dash, frowning at the beautiful pictures he found of scenic locations. He was always jealous of the people who could visit such places while all he could do was cry about his life. And maybe, he got melodramatic when drunk, but no one can prove that.

As he was watching the screen, his phone pinged with a notification which started him. He stared at it, before another notification popped up and he realised it was from Harry. Sadly, he wasn’t messaging Louis rather just posting something. He hurriedly clicked on it, being led to Harry’s blog and subsequently, a quote and a picture which he had just posted. The picture was beautiful, black and white as always while the quote was for his Mystery Crush. It was something about being jealous, with the words resembling some other poet he couldn’t remember. And as usual the person he was aiming to was in first person and no hint about the gender again. Louis huffed in frustration as he read it over again, blowing the strand of hair on his forehead. At that moment, he really wanted to know who exactly this person was and it was bothering him. The alcohol had inhibited his inhibitions, giving him the liquid to initiate that conversation. So with determination, he clicked on the smiley and opened up Harry’s chat. Then he stared unblinkingly.

**‘Harry?’**

The response was quick, as expected but it still startled Louis. His brain was signalling him something which he couldn’t pick on. He took in a deep breath, finger hovering over the keyboard.

_‘Yeah Tommo?’_

It had been three months since Louis had first found Harry’s blog, two since they had started talking privately and one minute after he gathered the courage to actually ask that he realised he was seriously stupid. He couldn’t ask him, no. It would be inappropriate. Plus what would he do with the information. He had to abort his plan, but his fingers had a mind of their own. Even if he did back out from the original plan, they strayed into something else. He read what he had sent, before groaning and face palming.

**‘Even I like someone, actually. It’s a guy.’**

Why, he asked himself. Why the actual fuck had he done that. He blinked, sighing before keeping his phone on his chest. This was the path Louis had told himself not to go down – talking to Harry about Harry. He wouldn’t be able to be as subtle as Harry was and he knew that. Yet all it took was a few drinks for him to give himself completely away and ruin their chances of having a relationship, if that.

Louis needed another drink so he trudged to the kitchen to get himself a bottle of beer. It was light and hence would be perfect, he thought as he gulped it down in one go. It warmed up his insides and gave him the courage he needed before he started typing again. He sat down on the couch, heart beating loudly in his chest and feeling much less sober. So he was doing it then, he thought to himself.

**‘He’s so sweet and pretty. But I don’t know if he’s into guys, you know? I’ve seen him around at parties, wrapped around guys and girls alike and I think they’re his friends. But I can never be too sure. So I don’t know where he stands. He could be straight for all I know, even if my instincts tell me otherwise. But it could just be in my head.’**

**‘Haha.’**

Louis read it another time after he had sent. It was pretty decent, if he said so himself and was as neutral regarding the appearance as he could be. For a drunk person, his thoughts were pretty clear and this was going pretty well, he tried to convince himself. But still, his insecurities were rising and prickling on his skin while his heart plummeted to his stomach. He slumped into the couch, ignoring the rest of his thoughts as he sighed.

**‘I’m so scared to jump to conclusions and end up making a fool of myself. It has happened before and I don’t handle it well.’**

Louis sighed again, splaying on the couch and keeping his phone on his stomach as he closed his eyes. The arms of the couch were hurting his neck, his legs twisted at a wrong angle. He was feeling sleepy now, and a little bit choked up. Louis had always been a melodramatic drunk before he turned sleepy. And as the alcohol wore off, the sleepier he seemed to get. But he couldn’t sleep yet, knowing Harry was there on the other end writing to him. As soon as he thought that, his phone buzzed on his stomach, making him pick it up again.

_‘You won’t.’_

_‘And I bet you’re very pretty and that no one will want to reject you. I can tell from your words. And I’m a pretty good judge of character.’_

Louis chuckled at that, knowing that Harry was merely flattering him. But his cheeks heated up anyway, lips forming a dopey smile. It was cute how Harry had so much faith Tommo, a complete stranger to him. It was another thing that did nothing but endear Louis but also made him a little sad. Harry was like perfect.

_‘But let me tell you something.’_

_‘I’m a very clingy drunk, so you might find me wrapped around someone too, just like your boy. But it always means nothing. I’m never into them. They’re just friends of mine and I’m just clingy. A lot complain about that every time we go out somewhere. They’re like Harry let go of me but I am just cuddly you know?’_

_‘Point is, it could be like that?’_

_‘And maybe I launched into unnecessary talk but what I was saying is if I really liked someone, I’d be intimidated by them.’_

Louis found himself smiling wildly at his phone, the room around him growing dark like the sky outside. A weight from his chest was lifted as he read it over and over again. Harry was a clingy drunk and was intimidated by the people he liked. This meant that none of his friends are the ones he has a crush on. It didn’t mean anything really, but to Louis it did. It meant Louis had a chance, but then Harry did end up talking to him too so. It meant nothing, yeah he was just drunk and sleepy.

**‘Really?’**

_‘Yeah. It’s true I’m shy.’_

**‘So I’ve heard :)’**

Be supportive, an annoying voice in his head supplied and he sighed. He supposed he could be. A little.

**‘But you should talk to them, you know. They will love you. I’m sure.’**

Louis had almost sent him ‘like I love you’ at the end but deleted it before he could send. He had also wanted to add ‘who wouldn’t like him with those curls and those eyes’ but it would be creepy. Tommo had never seen Harry, according to Harry.

Louis sat up abruptly, intending to get himself another can of beer but his head spun. He felt woozy, holding onto the arms of the couch as he took in a deep breath. Maybe he shouldn’t have more alcohol, not now. But since he was still feeling brave and confident about their conversation, he wanted to ask him the most pressing question.

 **‘Do the person you talk about...’**  Louis started to type, deliberating as he searched for better words and erased it. He racked his mind before he decided to cut to the chase and ask him outright.  **‘Do you like a guy too, H?’**

_‘Um why do you ask, T?’_

He could read the hesitancy in it, stamped all over the words. Louis could almost picture him pulling on his bottom lip with his fingers and it made Louis’ heart hurt. And that was what prompted him to type what he did.

**‘It’s fine if it is, you know. It is what it is.’**

There was no reply for a few minutes and it concerned Louis a lot. All of his alcohol had worn off by now, leaving an empty ache inside when he still hadn’t gotten any reply. He kept his phone on the couch, going to the bathroom to wash his face. He was feeling much worse when he returned, checking his phone to find no new notifications. With a frown on his face Louis opened up the chat again.

**‘Did you think I was homophobic or something?’**

He didn’t know he was holding his breath until he got a response, almost startling him. He let out a sigh, closing his eyes for a brief second before he read it.

_‘No!’_

_‘I really didn’t, but I didn’t know how you’d react, yeah. So I never brought up the gender. I didn’t want to lose our amazing friendship over homophobia. I’d miss you too much.’_

And Louis wouldn’t admit it, but there were tears welling in the corners of his eyes which he held back. He wouldn’t cry, he told himself, he wouldn’t cry with relief. Harry would miss him if he was gone. It was relieving, almost exciting. He would love to write how much he’d miss Harry too, but he settled on something playful.

**‘Aw Harry. You’re stuck with me for a while now, until you block me if that's the case.’**

_‘I’ll never block you :)’_

And that felt like a promise.

~**~

_“You are a poem even when I’m not writing you;_

_You are the words even when I have no voice left to speak.”_

~**~

An unspoken barrier was pulled down from between them. A barrier which didn’t even know existed. At least on Harry’s end it was pulled down.

If Louis had thought Harry talked a lot about his crush, now it felt as if he couldn’t stop talking. He supplied Louis with more specific details, enough to make him jealous but not enough to help him pinpoint the lad. Harry talked about chiseled cheekbones, which he claimed were sharp enough to cut cheese. And in the same conversation, a little later, he claimed he was hot enough to melt that damn cheese too. Everything he talked about led to the guy. Like just the other day he was talking about the coldness in the air and set off in a tirade of how soft and multiple-layer-wearing this guy of his was. The way he talked about him was cute, how he would break off into a poem as he typed. He would find it cute, but it also hurt him. He would find himself clenching his jaw as he read the messages. Liam, whenever he passed, would give him a pitiful look. It would be his cue to walk into his room and keep his laptop away.

Of course, eventually Harry would realise he had been talking too much as he apologised furiously. Louis, who had been previously replying with single worded agreements, would rush to assure him it was alright. And then Harry would prod him about ‘his boy’. Louis had hesitated over giving him information the first two times but now he felt as if he had mastered the art of controlled information. And like Harry, he would carefully edit out the identifying marks and reread it before he sent. He was careful not to talk about green eyes, dimples and chocolate curls, either of which would raise suspicion. Especially together. He’d like to think he mastered the art of subtlety by now.

Instead Louis would message Harry about his personality, Louis’ love for him with poor attempts at poetry. Harry would have plenty to write and reassurances, making Louis feel guilty for not doing the same. He would try to write longer responses but the jealousy gnawing on his insides prevented it. Liam’s words echoed back to him at times like those, as he realised he had indeed dug himself into a horrid trap. But oh well, still worth it.

It became a routine after a few days and he felt almost used to it. Harry would sometimes tell him about his crush at the coffee shop while Louis recounted an incident about Harry sticking out his tongue before he ate anything. They told each other about their days, their annoying customers and their flatmates. Sometimes he felt as if he was his only friend, if that. It was a good thing going for Tommo while in real life, it was going nowhere. Harry had told him he was hatching a plan for talking with his crush while Louis grimaced at the screen.

Online Harry had told Louis that he was shy when in real life, he seemed anything but. Nowadays, Harry had started taking up his time in real life. Ever since that day at the cafe, they had started to exchange smiles and greetings for a few days before Harry progressed to longer conversations. For a week now Harry had started walking him to their lecture hall by randomly meeting him on campus. He wouldn’t tap him on the shoulder or call out his name like a normal person. No, he would just wrap his arm around Louis’ waist as he whispered ‘hello’ in his ears. He had done that twice already, this time being a Thursday and both the times Louis had been startled and flustered greatly.

“Hi,” Harry said, giggling in his ear when Louis jumped. His heart was hammering in his chest but he smiled through it, feeling giddy with the smile Harry returned. Louis fit into his side perfectly, as they walked towards their common lecture as if they’ve known each other long. “Sorry for making you jump again.”

You always make my heart jump, Louis’ heart thought but he didn’t voice it. “You know you could just call out to me like a normal person and wait for me to turn, right?”

“Yeah but what would be the fun in that yeah,” he replied, pinching Louis’ side and making him squirm. He giggled quietly, electing not to comment on it lest he let out an embarrassing squeak. He was feeling at ease with Harry slowly, no longer getting as tongue tied as before. He let Harry steer him towards their destination, his hand still curled around Louis’ waist. He hoped his cheeks weren’t as red as he thought they were, flushed with giddiness.

Harry was wearing a long dark coat with a grey scarf looped around his neck. He looked bulkier than he was and the whole look of his was cuddly. The ends of his scarf brushed against Louis’ cheek, feeling soft and silky at once. “I like your scarf.”

“Yeah?” he asked as a light blush spread over his cheek. Louis’ smile widened as he looked up at him, well aware that he was blushing too before he looked ahead. He could see people giving them smiles, probably assuming they were a couple which Louis could only wish for. “You can have it, you know.”

“No,” Louis yelped, looking back up at Harry. He looked earnest, like he would give it to him if Louis asked. He bit down on his lip, and he wasn’t sure but it felt as if Harry’s gaze dropped lower. “I didn’t mean I want it, no. It’s just nice. And it suits you.”

“Thanks,” he said, giving Louis a bright smile. They didn’t talk much after that, having reached their lecture hall. They walked towards their desks, parting with a small smile. And that was that for the day.

Louis felt cheerful the whole day after, but in the evening he sat frowning on the couch. He was on the tumblr mobile app, with it glitching as he scrolled down. He had been liking posts for a while now, just waiting for the perfect and iconic thing to pop up in his mind to post. Even if the rest of his account would turn out terrible, he wanted just for the first one to be perfect and relatable. He came across a black and white picture, no doubt it being one of Harry’s and he tapped on his blog. He went through his blog again, smiling at the newest picture. It was of two kittens cuddling each other and was very adorable. Louis’ mind couldn’t help but think how it could be them. And just like that, he had become sad again.

“What’s the problem?” Liam asked, waving under his nose a steaming mug of hot chocolate. Louis knew he had sniffed the same a while ago when Liam was messing about in the kitchen. He graciously accepted the mug with a small grin before his grin dropped quickly. Liam chuckled before plopping down beside him wordlessly. He poked Louis’ arm when he didn’t respond but he let his friend wait, taking a gulp of the hot drink and letting it soothe him. Liam poked him again, this time between his eyebrows and it made Louis smile as he shook his head. “So what happened with Harry? I’ve been curious.”

“Nothing, it’s just,” he started before trailing off. The truth was that he didn’t know how to explain and where to start from. His thoughts were all over the place as always, and he sorted through them. He stalled the talk by taking another sip before he launched into it. Liam had been out of loop about a few things, which Louis hadn’t purposefully withheld but had rather slipped his mind. Liam raised his eyebrows at some parts before chuckling at others. Other than that, he didn’t add a word, nodding at him encouragingly. Louis’ drink was finished by the time he got to their encounter this morning. “So while getting out of the hall today I told him he had pretty eyes.”

“Yeah? And then?”

“He giggled preciously and thanked me.”

“So?” Liam prodded, eyebrows raised expectantly and brown eyes shining in amusement. Liam’s smile was encouraging, but all it made Louis do at that point was groan as he buried his face in his hands. Harry’s face had been pretty then, eyes shining brighter than ever as embarrassment coursed through Louis. He had blurted it out just like that and ran three seconds after his brain caught up with what he had said. Liam chuckled as he ruffled Louis’ hair. “Come on Louis, it’s not a bad thing. The two of you are actually talking right now. Isn’t that what you wanted? He’s walking with you around campus now. And I still maintain that the crush he talks about is  _you_  and you’re just being purposefully blind.”

“Don’t give me false hope,” he murmured, looking at his friend through his fingers. Liam’s eyes were sympathetic, making Louis feel bad so he stood up. He placed his mug in the sink, holding on to the counter top as he sighed. He didn’t know what to think about it, really. He had to admit that the thought had popped into his head multiple times after Liam had mentioned it, even if he tried beating it down with a stick. He knew that some of the features of the guy matched with Louis’ but it couldn’t be. Harry described the guy with wonder in his words and that couldn’t be him. Plus, he had said he was shy around the guy which Harry was not around him. So he didn’t let himself think too much about that. “I don’t want to cling on to false hope just to fall down deeper than I already have.”

“You won’t, Lou.”

“You say that now but...”  He sighed, shaking away his thoughts as he made his way back to the couch to slump beside his friend. Liam’s arm immediately came to wrap around his shoulders, pulling him close. Despite everything, Louis was grateful for him. “You know Harry’s taken on a photography project? He explained it more detail, but basically he’s taking some photos for this magazine and they’re beautiful. Let me show you.”

“Yeah?” Liam indulged, even if the two of them knew Louis was diverting the topic. He squeezed Louis’ shoulder in reassurance, speaking in a softer voice. “But in all seriousness, Louis, you know that if it gets too much then just take a break. I know reading about Harry’s crush is taking its toll on you so just break away and try in real life. Who knows, you know?”

Louis hummed, stalling him again as he showed him Harry’s blog and the recent photos. They were outtakes, like Harry had told him yet they were beautiful. A few minutes of silence stretched between them with the topic conveniently left behind. But Louis’ mind was still pondering over it, processing the pros and cons. He quietly mumbled, “Maybe I will.”

Liam looked at him with confusion before understanding dawned on him. He laughed softly to himself as he stood up, raising his eyebrows at Louis. “Which means you’re not taking a break, right?”

~**~

_“Would it be entirely too much to ask for you to wear a smile,_

_And absolutely nothing else today?”_

~**~

This time he took Liam’s advice, surprising both of them. But then the break thing didn’t go well, despite Louis’ high hopes for it.

It went exactly like any bad decision taken by a character in a rom-com or YA book went – taxing and followed by intense regret. And oh how he did regret it.

It was easier when he had exams and studying to distract him. The stress of them kept Louis’ mind occupied and he only occasionally itched for tumblr. He did see Harry on campus when Louis walked briskly by him, eyes lingering for a few seconds before he looked away. He captured his attention no matter how hard Louis tried not to let him. He looked gorgeous, wrapped up in multiple layers of warm clothes and a multitude of scarves wrapped around his neck. He kept his beanie low on his hair so it covered his tiny ears, cheeks flushed each time. Louis would be wrapped in multiple jackets as well, feeling the chill of the weather. But whenever he would glance at Harry, he would feel warm inside as his cheeks flushed for a different reason.

Between working shifts at Rosie’s, the ice cream place, exams and sleep, there was little to no time for anything more. He spent a good two weeks dreaming of Harry, since the repressed thoughts would seep in somehow. He never let himself fester on them too long, lest it threw him off everything again. But it was easier to follow through on his decision when he had little time to think. Problems arose when he was free.

It was a few days before Christmas and Louis had decided to earn a little extra money so he could spend it on gifts for his siblings. It was a decision he had made in September, when his crush on Harry was under control. Now, two weeks before Christmas, Louis was sure he was going to die of anxiety and the need to message Harry. He seldom had customers during winter, since it was an ice cream shop. And whoever would want ice cream in winter when the weather outside was just as cold as the desert itself. In summer there were at least three employees struggling to work around each other and scoop ice cream quickly enough to serve customers and ignore their complaints. But right now, even Rosie thought that one employee was more than enough to navigate through the month. So there he was, bored out of his mind and desperate for any sort of distraction. It was the time when thoughts of Harry reared their head, tempting him to check Harry’s blog which he had been avoiding for days. He knew Harry was working on some project the last time they talked and had clicked a bunch of pictures he’d be posting. He was dying to see them, just as much as he was dying to talk to Harry. He loved how Harry captured the beauty in the simplest of objects, which Louis could never. He knew it was a bad idea to check, since it would lure him in.

Louis’ eyes darted to his phone, which lay innocently in his eye line and tempting him more. His hand inched towards it slowly, almost grabbing it when the bell over the door jingled. It startled him and halted his motion. He finally had a customer, the first one of the day.

Louis’ head snapped up, a smile forming before it froze just as quick. Wearing a long, brown coat with a blue sweater inside was Harry, his hand on the handle and his eyes wide with surprise. He had a blue beanie pulled over his head, the little curls peeking out from beneath and his cheeks were flushed and lips parted. He was frozen in motion and so was Louis, staring at each other from across the room. Suddenly a bright smile took over Harry’s face, making Louis’ heart skip a beat and making him unfreeze at the same time. He returned the smile, heartbeat quickening and cheeks warming.

“I didn’t know you worked here,” Harry said, his voice a hushed whisper. He was biting on his lower lip, as he walked in, dimples digging into his cheek. Suddenly it felt very bright in the shop, like the sun himself had walked in and warmed up the place and brightened his day. Louis pulled on his work shirt, well aware the green of his uniform wasn’t a flattering shade on him. But well, luck.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Harry,” he said, voice deep and rough for no reason at all. He was looking the epitome of calm and casual, even though Louis was freaking out inside. He was thankful that his hands were hidden away behind the display since they were shaking. He was sure he was giving Harry one of his awkward smiles, which he hadn’t had to deal with in so long. But Harry’s presence had surprised him.

“That’s what I intend to change,” he chirped, smiling widely and innocently as he leaned forward with his arms propped over the counter. Louis licked his lips unknowingly, feeling giddy with excitement as he mirrored Harry’s position. Their faces were very close to each other with the green of Harry’s eyes darker than what it usually was. Harry’s cocky smile stayed put for a minute before hesitation crept in and he frowned. “I hope you don’t mind that?”

“Don’t be silly, Harry, of course I don’t.” He waved his hand as he huffed, feeling at ease again as he leaned back and away. Harry was still grinning as he now propped his head on his palms and smiled. Louis rubbed the back of his neck, losing his words and his usual cadence of speaking with customers. “So how do want me... uh I mean uh what do you want today?”

A lovely blush spread over Harry’s cheeks as he chuckled at Louis’ awkward attempts at conversation. He ducked his head, eyes roaming over the display and Louis took the moment to calm himself. He widened his eyes, looking up at the ceiling and cursing his stars before he looked at Harry again, who was now holding his lower lip between two fingers. He looked up at Louis through his lashes, and quite possibly, fluttering them. “I don’t know Lou. Just surprise me with your favourite today.”

Louis cleared his throat, nodding to himself as he smiled. If he hadn’t been mistaken before then Harry’s voice had been low and almost seductive but then something might be wrong with his ear. He stuck out his tongue from the corner of his mouth as he picked up the scoop and headed towards the flavour he liked best – Cookie Dough. In a high, shrill voice he said, “Coming right up.”

“Cone or cup?” he asked, right before he was to scoop. He was supposed to ask this before but of course he had forgotten everything he had been doing for months.

“A cup please,” he replied, polite as ever with a smile that was sure to melt all the ice cream in the place.

Louis nodded again as he picked up a cup and scooped ice cream into it, shoving in a spoon before he handed it to Harry. Harry grinned at him as he accepted it, their hands brushing slightly and electricity zipped through him with that simple touch. He managed not to drop the cup instantly before extracting his hand without raising suspicion. He expected for Harry to ask for the price, pay and then leave. But of course that's not what he did. He dug the spoon in before lifting it to his mouth. Before he could shove the ice cream in his mouth though, he stuck out his tongue and moved the spoon with his red lips wrapped around it. Louis watched him, mesmerised as his eyes flitted from Harry’s closed eyes to his lips, feeling out of breath and frozen.

“I like this flavour. Which is it?”

“Cookie dough,” Louis croaked, watching Harry’s eyes open quickly. There was mischief dancing in his eyes as he stared Louis down and kept staring.

“I like your taste.” He placed the cup gently on the counter with the spoon pressed between his full lips as he dug out his wallet. “So how much is it?”

“It’s on the house for you,” Louis announced, shrugging. He wasn’t sure if he was allowed to but he was sure it wouldn’t hurt. Harry’s eyebrows raised high, lips quirking as he frowned.

“I need to at least tip you.”

And before Louis could croak out a protest, Harry was slapping down two notes, which were definitely higher than the price of the said ice cream. He looked up at him, eyebrows drawn together as he prepared to scold but Harry was already far away. Somehow he had managed to make his way towards the door, walking backwards without much sound. The plastic spoon was held between his lips as he smirked smugly, making finger gun with his free hand. Louis found himself chuckling unintentionally before openly laughing when Harry walked back into the closed door. He clutched at his elbow, pouting exaggeratingly.

“I’ll be back, Louis. Wait for me.”

Louis waved at Harry as he smiled. As soon as he had disappeared from sight, he laughed self deprecatingly before dropping his head on the counter with a loud groan.

~**~

_“This may well destroy me,_

_And I am entirely completely and magnificently alright with that.”_

~**~

As Harry had promised, he was back. In fact, he was there every day at the shop around noon, being the only customer sometimes and staying for at least twenty minutes until he finished eating the ice cream. He would then wave goodbye, say he had to go to work and leave, making Louis be just a little grateful and sigh. He would ask Louis to choose the flavours for him, claiming he would know the best ones. Then he’d lean on the counter and seductively lick on the cone while Louis tried not to breathe and not stutter. Harry would ask him all about his life, sharing more details of his own in return. Louis would have to be careful as he spoke, lest he gave him the same details he had given as Tommo. He would stutter over his words once he realised he was giving too much away and it wouldn’t escape Harry. He would frown a little, press his lips together with confusion which he didn’t voice. The temptation to message Harry on tumblr soon died, since now he was interacting with the real Harry. Liam would be proud, he thought before frowning at the thought.

The whole routine lasted for two weeks, until Louis had to go home and so did Harry. Louis had been stupid enough to not ask for Harry’s number before, spending his first night home regretting it. But he didn’t have much time for thinking about him. His siblings, especially the youngest ones took all of his attention. And he found himself grinning with them all the time. He relayed his progress with Liam once he met him, and the latter was very excited about that. Louis spent New Year’s with Liam and his other childhood friends, bemoaning Harry’s absence as the clock struck twelve. But to his surprise, his phone buzzed at exact twelve and it was Harry.

_‘Happy New Year Louis!’_

_‘This is Harry, by the way. Took the number from Niall. Hope you don’t mind?’_

Louis smiled as he read it, amongst the snogging people and cheers. Liam gave him a knowing look before looking away and Louis blushed a little more before escaping the house.

After that Harry and Louis exchanged a lot more texts, with Louis holding back slightly in the worry that he’d reveal his online identity. Tommo had pretty much avoided Harry for a month, and it weighed on Louis’ conscience. It wasn’t as if he was avoiding Harry but then, he was feeling guilty. He felt the guilt especially when he was sitting behind Harry and could see the familiar blue background of the app. He looked away, frowning.

But that evening, Louis logged into the tumblr app again, scrolling down his dash. He could see a series of new posts from Harry, a lot of pictures with a few happy quotes. He liked Harry’s recent picture, which was of a Chocolate ice cream and Louis remembered giving him it last week. He smiled at it fondly before opening their chat window. There were a lot of worried messages from Harry, before he had given up two weeks ago. Louis bit his bottom lip, debating whether or not he should message him back. His heart was thundering in his chest, loud enough to drown everything out. He took in a deep breath and before he could freak out over it, sent him a message. And then he waited.

**‘Hi Harry.’**

_‘Tommo?’_

_‘Where the fuck were you?’_

_‘Okay that’s harsh of me but.’_

_‘Where were you? I was worried sick, bloody sick. Give a guy a warning before you disappear on him!’_

_‘I missed you.’_

Louis’ eyebrows pushed together as he read through the quick succession of messages from Harry. He had expected the first four – concern and anger would be the most obvious emotions. But the last one was unexpected, and there was a funny feeling in his stomach. Why would Harry miss him? He wasn’t even that important now, was he?

**‘Sorry was busy :(’**

He quickly logged out of his app before he could get a response, knowing he had done too much. An hour later there was a text from Harry, telling him some joke he had thought of and forgot about tumblr. In fact, Louis didn’t check tumblr until the very next day, when he sat down on his usual seat and saw Harry repeatedly glance at his phone. He had only given Louis a smile when he passed by, which was strange. So he gave in to the temptation and checked his tumblr messages.

_‘It’s fine but don’t disappear on me like that.’_

_‘Promise?’_

It was from twelve hours ago, and still managed to make Louis’ heart flutter.  **‘Promise.’**

Louis looked up just in time to Harry jump slightly in his seat before reaching for him phone. As he glanced at the screen, his face lit up in the most beautiful way, the kind that made Louis weak in his knees. He bit his lip to subdue the rapidly growing smile and tried being subtle as he stared at the back of Harry’s pretty head.

Louis was busy revelling in the smile he could see on Harry’s face. That's why he didn’t see him tapping out a message until his phone went off. He had forgotten put it on silent and the tumblr notifications were still on. Shit, he thought as he glanced back up at Harry and found him looking back. His green eyes, light in the morning, were fixed on his own, making his cheeks heat up more.

Louis sank down on his seat a little, laughing nervously. Harry’s smile was potent enough to kill a guy, and that was exactly what he was doing to Louis. After all the time spent talking to him, after the millions of words exchanged, Harry’s dimples still managed to stump him. There was wonder dancing in his eyes as he pursed his lips. Louis stared back like a fool, unblinkingly with a smile which probably looked crazed. Just when he thought he was finally getting over his embarrassment around Harry, his anxiety brought it back.

“Hi,” Harry greeted on a trill, joyful note. He ran his fingers through his hair, getting caught in his bandana. He chuckled as he fixed the bandana, which was pink and flowery today.

“Hey,” Louis found himself saying, voice high and squeaky. Harry seemed amused by it, lips parting to say something but before he could, their professor arrived. He pouted ruefully before he turned and Louis let out a gust of air he didn’t know he was holding and pocketed his phone.

Louis started being on tumblr more often then, developing a begrudged liking for the site. He liked posts he found interesting while also talking to Harry. He didn’t interact on tumblr as often as before and he explained it away as taking up another job. Meanwhile, Harry kept coming back to Rosie’s to talk, less often than before but still. It was another routine now that they followed, which Liam disapproved of still but was invested anyway.

January and February passed in a cold breeze, with Harry and Louis gradually growing closer in real life. They could be called friends, according to him but that was all there was to it. His tumblr alter ego talked less frequently with Harry, but neither of them minded it that much. Tommo would always use the ‘I’m busy’ excuse while Harry allowed it. He didn’t know where Harry’s mystery crush was headed and he was curious but he was better off not knowing. Louis was glad that they were now close in real life but sad that it still wasn’t going anywhere. Harry never made a move while Louis was too chicken to make one. So, well.

March had put Harry in a cheery mood, as he invited Louis with him for a photography session.

“It will be fun I promise you,” Harry pleaded, grabbing on to Louis’ hand. His heart sped up as his lips parted a little due to the touch. He blinked, trying to get his thoughts in order but it was hard when Harry looked like that. He was wearing a thin, brown jumper with a scarf holding back his hair as always. The green of the scarf brought out the colour of his eyes, which glinted with hope. Louis found himself getting lost in the depth of his eyes, feeling powerless. “Please keep me company. Won’t you keep me company, Lou?”

“Harry, I –” he started as he rummaged in his brain for any excuse to get him out of it. He couldn’t give him a work reason since Harry had his work schedule down, remembering it better than Louis did. He knew there was a free weekend, and that was how he had started the conversation too. He asked him about his weekend, with that glint in his eyes which Louis should have understood. Harry also knew Louis had no other friends except for Liam and Niall hence there would be no other plans. Louis had no option but to give in to Harry’s charms. It wouldn’t have been a problem, except for the fact that he would have to spend a morning walking around a park, just the two of them. He wasn’t sure he could handle it without combusting. It sounded too much like a date, especially since Harry had promised to buy him breakfast after. “I don’t have a camera.”

“You can use mine,” he supplied cheerfully as he tilted his head to a side. Louis knew him well enough to know that he was trying to be cute and convincing and it worked. Louis was losing his handle on things, questioning why he was trying to fight it in the first place. He knew there was no way out, and his weak will broke.

“Alright Harry, I’m in,” he said, keeping his tone resigned. He couldn’t keep that expression when Harry cheered happily, smiling and looking away from him with flushed cheeks. He patted his fringe, keeping his eyes away from the happy boy. “Can you leave me alone now? I’m still at work right now and I have customers to deal with.”

Harry raised his eyebrows as he looked around him pointed, the corners of his lips lifting up too. Louis allowed himself to let his eyes linger on him as he shook his head at the ridiculous boy he liked. Harry beamed back at him, showing off his perfect teeth with his crater like dimples on his cheeks. He lifted Louis’ hand, which he had been holding all this while, and placed a kiss on the back of it. He didn’t break eye contact, making heat rise on Louis’ face. “Thanks Lou, so much. So meet me there at six am sharp. Alright?”

“Six?” he asked, groaning. He did not like waking up early, especially if he had a choice not to. But there was no doubt that he would be waking up early anyway for Harry. He was about to add something when someone walked into the shop. Harry stepped aside swiftly, smiling at the young girl as Louis took down her complicated order. He smiled at her before giving Harry a withered look. “It’s the weekend, Harry. How do you expect me to be up so early?”

“Because it’s the best time of the day! The birds are just waking up and the sun is rising steadily through the sky. It creates the best pictures.”

“Oh yeah?” Louis teased, waggling his eyebrows playfully. He was reminded of one of their tumblr ask and answers, where they had agreed that sunset was the best. But Louis wouldn’t mind spending sunrises with him too. Harry was giving him a close-mouthed smile, eyes twinkling as he rested his elbows on the counter. “Alright I’ll meet you there. But remember, I’m doing you a favour.”

“Thanks Lou,” he repeated, winking at him before waving and rushing out of the shop. “Bye.”

Louis merely shook his head, ducking his head to hide his wide smile and pink cheeks. He was smitten, what could he say.

“That was pretty cute,” Perrie, his co-worker, said. She gave him a private smile and a wink as she started scooping and preparing the girl’s order. Louis blushed harder before he sighed.

~**~

_“One of my most treasured things about you is that_

_At any given moment_

_You are blissfully unaware of just how perfect you are.”_

~**~

Louis woke up at five on a Saturday morning, all too unwillingly. It was all for Harry, he thought, as he unwillingly switched off his alarm and dragged himself to the bathroom. Usually Louis would prefer taking showers after he came back home, but not today. He had to look his best today and be wearing his best clothes to impress. He put on some cologne as an afterthought, squealing internally as he stepped out of the room.

“Someone looks nice today,” Liam commented, holding out a mug of tea for him along with a smirk. Liam was that kind of a freak who woke up early every day, including weekends to jog before sunrise. He looked chipper while Louis, who was unused to the early hour, was grumpy. He was feeling a little more awake now, gulping down his tea quickly before sticking out his tongue at his friend. He heard Liam’s quiet chuckles behind him when he left. The sky was still dark outside and the streets were empty and he could admit it was a good atmosphere to jog in. Louis was not someone who jogged a lot, so he found himself out of breath when he reached the park, huffing and panting after only fifteen minutes. He stopped to catch his breath, fixing his hair before he walked in.

As Harry had described, the park before dawn looked more beautiful than usual. There were dewdrops on the grass, wetting his shoes and the bottom of his jeans as he walked and the air was cool. There were only a few joggers around him, but otherwise everything was relatively calm and isolated. It didn’t take him long to find Harry, who was standing next to rose bushes and taking pictures of them. At the sound of footfalls behind him, he turned and accidentally, or purposefully, clicked a picture of Louis. He blinked, surprised by Harry’s action as he watched the latter lower his camera and aim a bright smile at him. He was so pretty that he could rival the beauty of the roses beside him, Louis thought.

“And now I feel so underdressed,” Louis said in greeting, laughing as he pulled down nervously on his tank top. He had decided to dress in all black, thinking it would be the best thing to wear. It was casual, just as one would expect you to wear in the morning. But then there was Harry, dressed in his usual, colourful clothes that consisted of skin-tight jeans and a yellow shirt patterned with bright red flowers. There was no headscarf holding back his hair today. It was instead floating with the soft wind in all its glory, making Harry the brightest thing in the world right now. Harry laughed at his comment, bounding over to him to wrap Louis in a warm hug. “Hi.”

“You look perfect, Lou, hush,” he murmured into Louis’ hair. They stayed like that for a few more seconds until Harry pulled back while leaving his arm still wrapped around Louis’ shoulder. “You look like a part of nature.”

“Hopefully, that's meant as a compliment,” Louis remarked quietly, making Harry giggle.

Harry led him towards one corner of the park, which he claimed was the spot to take the best pictures of the rising sun. And he had to agree with Harry. Louis marvelled at the boy, while the latter blissfully clicked away the whole time. When he caught Louis’ eyes on him, he blushed before raising his camera up to take a picture of Louis too.

“No,” Louis shrieked, half-heartedly shielding himself against the camera as he laughed. “I look awful right now, Haz.”

“No you look pretty, Lou,” Harry insisted as he pouted prettily, making Louis lower his hands. Harry grinned again before he raised his camera over his face. “That’s more like it. You’re a natural.”

And so it went, with Harry taking pictures of nature before suddenly turning the camera to Louis. After a few times of it happening, Louis indulged the beautiful boy and posed exaggeratedly. Harry kept giggling throughout and Louis felt smug of it. At some point, Louis pried the camera from his hands, taking pictures of Harry instead. They weren’t as good or artistic, some tilted or hyper focused on his dimples but they weren’t that bad either. Harry took him to a small cafe nearby for breakfast and it almost felt like a date. Especially when Harry snagged the bill.

“I asked you out so it’s only fair that I pay,” he said, disarming Louis with a radiant smile as he paid for their meal. He didn’t know what that one sentence did to Louis’ heart.

“Alright,” he conceded, sighing exaggeratedly even if his heart was doing happy flips. He was rewarded with another breathtaking smile.

Later that night Harry sent him a few pictures from their photo shoot. They consisted of Louis basking in the sunlight or stood amongst the flowers. And Harry had been right about Louis being a natural since he looked beautiful or happy in every single photo. Or maybe Harry was just that talented with his camera and angles. Who knew.

Harry did not tell Tommo about their morning though, which he tried and failed to not feel upset about. He hadn’t been gushing about stuff to Tommo as much as he had before. Maybe he was still upset about the uninformed break, who knows. But Harry did post a picture from that morning on his blog the next day, turned black and white now. He also added one of the pictures Louis had taken of him, grinning in the midst of the flower bushes. He had made it somehow that Harry’s face wasn’t as clear, but he looked beautiful even in the black and white edit. This one he had captioned as well, which he rarely did.

_‘Even if he isn’t as professional as me, he still captured my heart.’_

Louis didn’t know how to feel about that, so he grinned like a loon till Monday morning.

~**~

_“You never had to steal my breath or take it away,_

_Somehow you have always managed to convince me to hand it over freely.”_

~**~

Louis was on campus that day, wandering around leisurely as he messaged Harry on tumblr. They were having one of their rare, long conversations that were on a deeper level. They were talking about astronomy this time, something they discovered they were both interested in. And Louis, for some reason, had to send him that.

 **‘If you were in space, you’d definitely be the sun. You’re bright, full of light and giving life to us dead souls,’**  he sent, snickering to himself. He thought it was quite clever of him, and also very much true. He had managed to divert the conversation from stars to Harry, as it usually happened in his head. He felt a little proud of his comparison, as he told Harry he was the sun. He was grinning to himself, not caring if people around him deduced he was crazy. He probably was crazy.

 _‘Nah I don’t think so,’_  came the reply instantly. Louis paused, flicking his fringe to a side as he waited for the reply. He had an inkling of what it could be. Harry would either divert the topic to his mystery crush, or say something along the lines of how it was untrue.

He did both at the same time.

_‘I think he would be the sun, while I’ll be the moon. I think he radiates more joy, especially when he smiles and fills my heart with warmth. And all I do is bask in his light, reflecting off him. But I’m also afraid that if I reach too close to him, I’ll burn.’_

_‘He’s harmless, but I’m scared of the ‘what ifs’.’_

_‘And look at me making my poem depressing. Haha, sorry.’_

Louis’ chest filled up with lead, as he tried not to feel too depressed at what he read. He pained for Harry, of course he did but he also felt pained for himself. In the past few months, he had fallen in deeper with him, which he could almost call love. And it just made his heart hurt more when he read Harry talk about his crush, no matter how less they talked about him. He gulped, taking a deep breath as he walked. And if he was humming ‘Play Me’ by Neil Diamond under his breath then no one had to know.

**‘Poetic but untrue. Let me humour you still. Why do you think you’re the moon?’**

_‘I don’t know, T. Maybe because we can never be together at once? It might have changed a bit but... I’m so flawed, you know. I can never be as perfect as the sun. And he’s perfect.’_

**‘Nonsense,’**  Louis typed out, sending before he could think it through. He huffed, pressing his lips in a thin line. Flawed and Harry? Impossible. And it wasn’t just his biased opinion, but it was the truth. Never had he met someone as perfect as Harry, and he doubted whoever this person was, wasn’t perfect either. And he maintained Harry was the sun, even if he couldn’t justify it without giving himself away. He could feel it in himself going blind, the more he looked at Harry’s bright smile. He couldn’t just take anyone putting Harry down, not even the boy himself.

**‘Call yourself the moon all you want, but don’t use the wrong analogy, H. If you’re the moon then it isn’t just because of your flaws. You’re pretty, in a soothing way and I know even if I haven’t met you. You’ll be the only source of light, of hope in the gloomy night sky. You can’t look at the sun for more than a few seconds or you’ll be blinded. But you can stare at the moon for hours and not get tired.’**

**‘And have you heard about the sun being romantic? Surely not, because it’s the moon. So don’t put yourself down, not now not ever. You’re beautiful and perfect.’**

Louis took a deep breath, rereading what he had sent. He was overcome with emotions before, typing out quickly as he walked and hadn’t thought it all the way through. Also, he didn’t know where he was right now, but that wasn’t important. Tommo was supposed to be a stranger on the internet, never having met Harry before. And he was coming off too strong, too passionate for that to be true. So he added  **‘I say this even though we haven’t met’**  for safety measures and let out a sigh.

There was no reply for a few minutes, so Louis panicked, leaning against a random tree. Had he scared Harry off? Maybe Harry had thought Tommo was a creep and wouldn’t message him again ever. Or block him. It wouldn’t be so bad, but it wouldn’t sit well on Louis’ conscious so he started typing an apology. Before it could complete it, a message popped up from Harry’s side. It was just a single worded response.

_‘Wow.’_

_‘And you call me poetic. But thanks.’_

Louis erased what he had typed quickly, smiling to himself.

**‘No lies there :)’**

There, he thought, he had lightened the situation again. He started grinning without wanting to, so wide that his cheeks hurt. He probably looked like a weirdo, smiling down at his phone but couldn’t help it, for Harry started sending him some jokes. He was so in love with Harry, it hurt. But the thing was he loved someone else, someone who wasn’t Louis. And definitely thought of Louis only as a friend. It was sad, but he’d probably survive right?

And then, out of nowhere, Harry changed the conversation.

_‘Oh my god I can see him!!’_

It sounded like something one would write in caps lock. But Louis knew for a fact that Harry didn’t use all caps until extremely necessary, like in extreme panic. It took Louis one guess to figure out who the person was, stomach churning.

_‘He’s smiling down at his phone :) Maybe at his partner? :(’_

_‘I knew he would be with someone else. Why wouldn’t he? He is precious, and should be treasured.’_

_‘But that someone should be me.’_

_‘But then he didn’t mention any boyfriend when we talked so I’m probably exaggerating?’_

_‘Ugh I’m so confused I don’t know how to feel, Tommo.’_

Louis frowned at the rapid barrage of messages, which grew sadder each time. He wanted Harry for himself and not pining for anyone else. But more than that, he didn’t like when Harry was sad. He couldn’t see Harry’s lips turned down in a frown, since it wouldn’t suit him. He wanted Harry to be smiling.

Also Harry was reminding him of himself. Just Louis’ thoughts were about Harry.

_‘Now he’s frowning. Why is he frowning? He should keep smiling always, since he’s pretty when he smiles.’_

‘Like the sun,’ was left unsaid but Louis knew it was implied. Harry kept calling his crush as sun, and it was weird how they referred to their respective crushes by the same name. It was also weird how their thoughts mirrored, like wanting the other person to smile. Even if was someone else who made them smile. Just the person they loved was not each other, and it made Louis’ heart ache a little.

Louis will be fine though, as long as Harry was happy. So he needed to make Harry happy, he thought, pouting at his phone.  **‘Aw you’re cute though.’**

 _‘Great now he’s pouting and it so much more adorable. KILL ME NOW!’_   And it was in caps lock, so had he reached that panic emotion?

And also, was it that awful if he could see Harry’s heart eyes over the phone? But for some reason, it was the expression that he aimed towards Louis that popped up. And it made him smile a little, as that expression always did.

But he needed to change the topic fast, maybe escape out of this conversation.  **‘Hey H, I’m sorry to bail on you but I’ve got classes right now. We’ll talk later?’**

 _‘Oh yeah sure.’_  And there was a pause, as Louis about to pocket the phone.  _‘I’ve heard you talking about classes but never about what they are. Where do you study? If you don’t mind telling me, that is.’_

Louis should have pocketed his phone, he thought, running his fingers through his hair.  **‘Eh just a university in London. Nothing great.’**

 _‘Wait you live in London?’_   And suddenly Louis realised his mistake. _‘And you never told me that? We could have met. Come on!’_

He mentally face palmed, groaning softly as he regretted his words. He had managed to swerve out of one mess and right into another. This was bad, very bad. What had he done, he thought, turning on the spot. He planned on walking quickly right back home, eyes focused on his phone.

‘Haha you live in London too?’ Louis wanted to type. But he couldn’t type past ‘in’, since he walked right into someone. His phone was knocked out of his hand, feet knocked off the ground. It felt as he was flying through the air before he landed harshly on his bum. The air was knocked out of him by the fall, and also due to a heavy body landing on top of him. Fuck.

“Fuck shit I’m so sorry!” said a voice close to his ear and made Louis almost get a heart attack. He knew the voice, had found himself lost in many a time and never did he expect right now. Harry pushed himself up on his arms so he could look right into Louis’ face, the distance between them the least it had been. His curls were falling and framing his face while tickling Louis’ nose, as his green eyes were widened with concern. Their noses were touching and all Louis could think of was how close their lips were in this position. He could just lean up and kiss him, fulfilling his fantasies but he won’t.

“It’s fine,” Louis said instead, closing his eyes. He could feel Harry’s breath on his lips, his body leaning over him. And probably to a passerby, it would even look intimate with Harry’s arms caging him in. It was anything but, Louis knew but his heart didn’t as it pounded loudly in his chest. Harry’s flowery scent invaded his senses, and he could be trapped under him for a while. But Harry didn’t want that, since he pushed himself off completely and the weight from over Louis’ body was gone.

When Louis opened his eyes, he found Harry standing upright, dusting off his jeans. He was wearing a ruffled shirt, which was gaping halfway down his chest. He looked beautiful, as he flicked his hair to the side while Louis lay on the ground. He didn’t even attempt to move, rather wanting to sink in deeper. He was suddenly feeling embarrassed, especially when Harry looked down at him and offered a hand. He pulled Louis upright as well, being surprisingly strong for such a scrawny frame and he went crashing into him, for the second time in five minutes. The day was going great, Louis thought sardonically.

“No it’s not,” Harry said, confusing Louis. He ran his fingers through his hair as he shook his head and Louis found it extremely endearing. He knew his face was heating up, and he tried to hide it by dusting off his jeans. “I’m sorry I knocked into you. I was coming over to surprise you, and I didn’t expect you to turn. Although, I should have called out right?”

“No Harry, it’s fine,” Louis said, touching Harry’s arm lightly. Warmth spread from where they touched, surprising him into drawing back his hand. He took a step back, trying to put some space between them to sort out his thoughts. He was feeling heady and dazed, although he didn’t know if it was due to the fall or the boy that caused it. It might have been both, he concluded. He shrugged, trying his best to act casual and not like he was out of breath. Although, he was slightly out of breath.

Harry tried to protest, so Louis glared at him until he shut up. He pouted slightly, like the child he was and Louis shook his head, feeling overwhelmed with the fondness towards him. Harry’s expression melted away at that, as he looked at his feet. He furrowed his eyebrows, as he bent down to retrieve Louis’ phone. It had flown out of his hand in their accident, something he had forgotten about. “It flew right out of your hands before. It might be broken probably and I’ll... wait.”

Harry narrowed his eyes at the screen, before his face twisted with surprise. He gasped, before he widened his eyes. Louis felt confused by the reaction, so he looked at the screen himself before realising. His phone had actually frozen, right while he was typing and that's what Harry had read. Louis felt panic sink in his veins, the back of his neck feeling cold as he looked up. The other boy was already looking back, fish mouthing at him. He looked a mix of confused and panicked before he moulded his face into something unreadable.

“It’s not what you think,” Louis whispered feebly, not even believing it himself. The mood had turned tense around them, a stark difference from a few minutes before. He continued to mumble incoherently under his breath.

“It’s you?” Harry asked, making Louis stop and gulp. The green-eyed boy was shaking his head slowly, eyes filled with disbelief and something else. Louis took in a deep breath. “That anon. Tommo. That was you?”

Louis let out a gust of air. “Tomlinson,” he muttered, unable to look into Harry’s eyes. He fixed his gaze on Harry’s ears, which were half hidden by his hair. Even in the open space, they felt trapped, swirling in the midst of heavy emotions. Louis took a shaky breath, feeling the need to laugh, as he did when he was struck with panic. He also wanted to flee, but his feet were rooted to the spot and he sunk more as Harry stayed quiet. His secret was out in the worst way. “Say something please.”

“I’m so...”  He took in a deep breath, taking a step back as he started waving his hands around. He shook his head, blinking. Louis knew nothing could happen between them, that even their friendship was ruined probably. And maybe that's what he wanted to say right now as well. “I feel so...”

“I’m sorry,” Louis whispered, pleading with his eyes. Harry stayed mum, eyebrows twitching. “It wasn’t my...”

“I – I can’t.” Harry shook his head, taking steps back. He looked up at the sky before looking at Louis again, expression pained and something inside Louis broke. He waved his hand with his fingers clutched tightly around the phone while the other hand messed with his hair. “I’m sorry.”

And Harry spun around and walked away briskly, taking Louis’ heart along with him. And his phone, clutched tightly in his hand. He felt empty inside, helpless as he watched the love of his life walk away. It was the first time he had referred to Harry as love, something more than a crush but it didn’t even matter. What had happened was that their friendship was ruined, and so was their future. Harry couldn’t even look at him properly.

Louis looked down at his feet, feeling miserable. He saw another phone lying there, which his mind quietly supplied was Harry’s. He picked it up, grasping it tightly between his fingers as he walked home. It felt completely robotic as he unlocked the door, sighing heavily in the comforts of his flat. Liam was home already, spinning around and frowning at the sight of his best friend.

“What happened, Louis?” he asked, voice soft and worried. He got up from the couch and walked towards him slowly, as if waiting for Louis to flee. He wouldn’t be able to even if he tried, Louis thought, wanting to laugh but couldn’t.

“He knows, Liam,” Louis whispered instead, knees buckling as he sunk to the floor. Liam grabbed him quickly and pulled him close, letting his friend sob on his shirt. “And now I have his phone.

~**~

Harry didn’t come for their shared lecture for two consecutive days. Louis tried not to stare at the door longingly, his heart feebly hoping he’d come. But his favourite, curly haired head never came. Louis tried not to cry when he reached home, or drown himself in ice cream at work.

He had ruined everything.

~**~

_“You are the sunlight,_

_And your warmth has helped me grow._

_I live in your shine.”_

~**~

It had been four days and Louis was moping for all of them. Liam had been awfully comforting, while Perrie had been happy to take his shifts when he felt worse for wear. He still didn’t have his phone back from Harry, since he never saw the bloke. He had Harry’s phone with him, lying there on Louis’ bedside table. He had left it there after he had calmed down on the first day, thinking Harry might call sooner or later wanting it back. But he never did. It would vibrate occasionally but never from Harry’s roommate, which would be who Harry would call him from, Louis assumed. The battery eventually died out. Louis knew he could call on his own phone but he never did, fearing a negative response. He spent most of his time scrolling through tumblr on his desktop, feeling a pang of hurt whenever he came across Harry’s posts that someone had reblogged. Harry’s blog still posted poems and quotes but it looked like they were on queue and not recent. His latest poem was of suns, one dated a few hours and Louis frowned.

“Li, I’m going out,” he called loudly, not really knowing whether or not his friend was home. He picked up his wallet and keys and also Harry’s phone, telling himself it was just in case as he left. He aimed to wander aimlessly on the streets but somehow his feet led him towards his Uni. He frowned, shrugging it off and slipped into the nearby cafe instead, suddenly craving for a cup of tea. The place was crowded and noisy but he luckily found a small table in the very back and slumped down on the chair, cradling his cup of tea. He kept his eyes firmly on the table, not feeling like revelling in the chatter and happiness around him.

Louis was startled when someone pulled back the other chair beside him and sat down. He knew someone would be sitting down on the empty chair since the place was crowded, so he took it as his cue to leave. Without looking up, he drank the last of his tea, intent to get up.

“I believe this is yours,” the person said, making Louis snap out of his thoughts. A phone was slid into view, pushed by a large hand with too many rings adorning his fingers. Louis choked a little on his spit, thankful that he had swallowed his tea first. He stared warily at the hand, knowing it was the same one he had memorised each crevice of. He traced the hand up to his owner with his eyes.

Harry was sitting down across from him, gaze lowered and shoulders slumped. He did not look up to meet Louis’ eyes, instead tracing random patterns on the surface of the table. His hair was left open while dangling around his neck was a blue bandana. Even from this angle Louis could make out his flushed cheeks and how he was biting on his lower lip. Louis desperately wanted for the boy to look up and meet his eyes. “Harry.”

Harry’s eyes darted up quickly at that and familiar warmth pooled in Louis’ stomach at the sight of those green eyes. He smiled in spite of himself and his smiled dropped when Harry looked away, focusing somewhere over Louis’ shoulder. His lips moved and it took Louis a good minute to realise he was already speaking.

“You probably don’t want to see me right now and even I feel so embarrassed to face you. But your phone was with me and I couldn’t just keep it so I realised I would have to meet you. So today I decided to find you, was searching for you all over campus and here you are.” He gave Louis’ shoulder a sheepish smile.

“What?” Louis asked, having missed half of what he had said and not understanding the other half of it. Harry’s eyes darted back up at him, looking guilty.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly and it confused him more.

“What are you sorry for, Harry?” Harry made a frustrated sound before throwing his hands up in the air. He truly looked embarrassed and guilty, as he said he was. Louis frowned, trying to figure it out until it clicked. Of course he was embarrassed. He had just learnt about Louis’ crush on him. The panic was building up within Louis as he widened his eyes. “I should be sorry instead. I knew from the start that messaging on tumblr wasn’t a good way to talk but I liked you so much that I was willing to risk it. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you it was me. Of course you hate me.”

“I don’t hate... wait.” Harry blinked furiously, waving his hand between them. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he leaned forward, Louis mirroring his movement. “So you knew it was me from the start?” Louis nodded slowly, lowering his gaze. “Oh god this is so embarrassing.”

“I’m sorry,” he repeated, feeling sorry for himself all of a sudden.

“No Louis,” he yelped, grabbing Louis’ hand over the table and startling both of them. He didn’t pull back his hand and neither did Louis. He met his anxious green eyes. Harry’s cheeks had turned a darker shade of red as his other hand played nervously with the bandana around his neck. He gulped, chuckling. “It’s not you, alright. I thought you didn’t know it was me, until now. And I now realise that I was talking about my crush to my crush all this time. You knew who I was, which I thought you had found only when our phones got exchanged. No wonder you wanted to avoid me, right?”

“I could never avoid you, Haz,” Louis countered fiercely. He turned over his hand so that he was clasping Harry’s now as he squeezed. Looking at their clasped hands, Louis felt his heart jump in his chest. He had finally, finally gotten the guts to do that. It was monumental indeed. “In all the time since I’ve got to know you, never did I think I would fall so deep for someone. You constantly astound me, fascinate me and I can’t get enough of who you are, in all your glory. You’re smart and nice and funny. It isn’t your jokes which I love though, it’s your laughs and smile. So no, I can’t avoid you even if I tried. You are my sun, after all.”

Harry didn’t speak, staring dumbfounded until he started chuckling. Louis watched him shake his head, the amusement that had settled in and he didn’t get it at all. “That’s what you decided to focus on assuring me of first?” Harry asked, biting on his smile.

Louis frowned harder, reviewing Harry’s words in his head before oh. Oh. “I’m your crush?” he squeaked.

Harry let out a groan, amusement being replaced by his previous embarrassment as he let his head fall on the table. His hair splayed out around him as he mumbled words, making Louis chuckle. He could only understand the end of whatever he said, which sounded something like ‘you hate me now’.

“Seriously, Harry, why would I hate you?” he asked, tilting his head to a side. Harry looked up from his arms, green eyes hopeful yet anxious. It gave Louis a little bravery, as he took in a deep breath. “Why would I hate you when I did the exact same thing as you?”

“You did?” he asked, sitting up straight again. His eyes were wide, lips turning up in a smile as he continued to stare imploringly. Did he seriously not get it? Especially after all the sun/moon discussion they had? He was so oblivious, but to be fair, so was Louis. They deserved each other.

“I was crushing on you so bad, Harry.” Louis could feel his cheeks heat up as he spoke but he didn’t look away. Harry had a bright smile on his face, dimples deepening in his cheek which made his eyes narrow into almost slits. Louis knew he was giving him a similar, fond smile Liam told him he got when he was around Harry, or talking about him. And speaking of Liam, he couldn’t believe that bastard had been right all along. “You know, H, Liam had told me I am your crush from how you described them. But I refused to believe him, thinking it was a coincidence. He’s going to be so chuffed about this.”

“He knew about us?” Harry asked, tilting his head to the side. Louis nodded.

“He was the most avid investor too. Not that he’d admit it.”

Harry chuckled to himself, as if laughing at some joke he was about to say. He was bashful as he looked at the table. “And I thought that he was your boyfriend, you know? With all the footsie under the table that day?”

“We were kicking each other,” Louis explained as he laughed, shaking his head. On an impulse, he looped his ankle around Harry’s, loving the squeak he let out. “And I would love to play footsie with you.”

“Me too.” Harry grinned, biting back his smile. He ran his fingers through his hair while Louis kept smiling at him.

And since he was being impulsive. “Harry, will you go on a date with me?”

Harry’s eyes widened and so did his grin as he nodded quickly. “Yes, of course. Always.” He squeezed their joined hands. “Or, I could just get us two cups of tea now and call this date number two?”

“That does not count as one.”

“Does too,” Harry insisted petulantly as he pouted. “I asked you out on a date. It’s just sad you didn’t get it was one.”

“At the ass crack of dawn, H?”

“Like I said, the best pictures and...” he trailed off, blushing furiously and shaking his head. Louis squeezed their hands. He looked at him through his lashes. “You look beautiful in a garden full of roses, lit in the morning light.”

“And you’re saying that?” Louis countered, hiding his blush behind his palms. He had to let go of Harry’s grip, and he misses the warmth but still. “Did you see how pretty you look between the roses? You look like a rose, and you’re blushing pink right now so it fits.” He paused, smiling softly. “Sunshine.”

“You’re sunshine.”

“Let’s agree to disagree,” he offered, tilting his head to the side with no intention of following through. Harry shook his head, not commenting or calling him out before he slid out the seat. He brought them two cups of tea, as he promised and only then Louis realised it. “Hey wait, I asked you out, I should pay.”

Harry shrugged, looking shameless with his eyes twinkling as he sipped on his tea. It promptly burned his tongue, making Louis let out peals of laughter. Louis drank his tea after letting it cool, as they talked as usual. It didn’t feel any different from any of their other talks, just this time Louis could act on his urge to reach out and grab Harry’s hand. The fluttery feeling returned as Harry rained compliments on him, relaying how Louis inspired a lot of poems.

“ _Some creatures just cannot help but stand out from all the rest_ ,” he recited, looking up from the table with a bashful smile. Louis fiddled with Harry’s ring, feeling just as shy after coming to know that all those poems were inspired by him. He had no clue how Harry could look at him and make all those. And as he had said the same, Harry had seemed indignant on his behalf and told him he could make one up on the spot. “I made that one when I saw you from across the cafe the moment I followed you in.”

“Yeah?” Louis asked, biting his lip. He suddenly remembered he still had Harry’s phone while Louis’ was on the desk. In the hour that had passed, neither of them remembered the actual reason they had met. Their phones! “My phone.”

Harry blinked, momentarily confused before his lips formed into an ‘O’. He slid Louis’ phone back to him, and the latter noticed how it didn’t have scratches, as he had expected. The phone looked just fine. He was about to voice the question when Harry answered. “I fixed your phone for you. It was frozen for a long time, and I thought I couldn’t return it like that. That would be atrocious.”

Louis chuckled to himself as he clicked the home button and watched his phone light up. It was fully charged as well, making Harry chuckle self-consciously. “I actually didn’t fix your phone Harry.” He looked up into those green eyes, which weren’t offended. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright.” He waved his hand, shaking his head. “You can also return it whenever because I’m sure you... have it?”

“Yeah,” Louis said, smirking at Harry’s startled expression as he slid his phone towards him. “I carried it everywhere and hoped I’d run into you. And I did.”

“Thanks,” he mumbled, eyes distant before he blinked quickly. “Oh before I forget. I took a picture of you.”

“Yeah,” Louis asked, placing his elbows on the table and leaned his head atop his palms. He noticed how the sky was noticeably dark outside and the place having emptied out. They had been talking for long, it seemed, even if their drinks had quite finished.

“When you were deep in thought I...” he said, grabbing Louis’ phone. He frowned as Harry unlocked his phone, and scrolled through his photo album. Harry looked up quickly, eyes wide with guilt. “Shit I didn’t snoop through your phone. I just, you know, look.”

He thrust the phone in Louis’ face and he blinked to see what it was. It, indeed, was a photo of Louis. He was looking at the table deep in thought. It was a simple thing, and didn’t even show Louis’ face but it was beautiful. Harry had magic in his fingertips, he was sure. “How long were you staring at me before you sat down?”

“Pretty long,” Harry said, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear and grinned.

“I am so oblivious aren’t I?”

Harry hummed, not denying it and gave him a shit-eating grin. He looked bright, and Louis couldn’t help but call him sunshine. The sun and the moon might not be in the same time frame, but universe did change to bring them together anyway.

Well, it might be the perfect pretentious second post, Louis decided, smiling to himself. He knew which would be the first one.

“This is going to be my profile picture,” Louis stated, waggling his eyebrows at the other boy.

“Yeah? That's great,” Harry agreed, smiling softly. “And I think we should leave, since it’s pretty late. I can drop you off?”

“We have a deal,” Louis said, grinning as he got up. His legs were aching due to having sat for so long, but he ignored it as he offered Harry a hand and helped him off his chair. They walked in comfortable silence towards Louis’ flat. Louis started getting anxious the closer they got, knowing their date would be over now. Harry was dropping him off, like the gentlemen he was, clutching his hand too. “Here we are.”

Harry hummed, swaying on the spot, looking anxious. His eyes flitted from Louis’ eyes to his lips, licking his own in the process. Louis was holding his breath, knowing this was it. Harry took in a deep breath, shoving his hands in his pocket. “Can I kiss you, Lou?”

Louis laughed, feeling his heart wanting to jump out of his chest. “Thought you’d never ask,” he muttered before clutching Harry’s bandana and pulling him down to connect their lips. Harry’s hands looped around his waist and pulling him closer. Louis giggled into the kiss, not being able to believe it had happened. Harry laughed along, pulling back enough to lean their foreheads together. “I was waiting a long time for that.”

“Me too.” Harry kissed him again, and Louis ran his fingers through Harry’s curls, the ones he’d been admiring for months. They were indeed soft, as were Harry’s lips which moved against his as if made to be.

“Get it, Tommo,” Liam yelled as he passes them, startling them apart.

“Fuck off,” Louis yelled, making Harry giggle into his shoulder. He had gotten his boy now so he had no use for his roommate anymore. He would have to tell him that later maybe.

~**~

_“I kiss you and on your lips I taste the sea,_

_And the sea has always been home to me.”_

~**~

Louis logged in to the tumblr app the minute he got from work, grinning when the first picture he saw was from Harry’s account. It was a simple black and white photo of what he knew was chocolate ice cream along with two hands beside it. One hand was big and ringed while the other one was smaller and holding on to an ice cream scooper. He bit on his grin as he reblogged the post immediately. He then posted a picture himself, which was of Harry eating said ice cream as he raised his eyebrows and held the spoon between his teeth. It was adorable, making him smile wider as he tagged Harry in it. He had captioned it ‘one year’ since it had been one year since the boy had first walked into the shop. And just this morning, Harry had slammed his hands on the counter, startling Louis as he exclaimed that it had been a year. So after he took a picture of his ice cream, Louis grabbed the camera from him and clicked his boyfriend. He liked to think he had grown far better at taking pictures now, even though they would never compare to Harry’s. Ever.

After their tea date, which was first according to Louis, he had changed his tumblr profile picture to the one Harry had sent. And then he proceeded to post the very first thing he would – one of the pictures he had taken of Harry in the garden. He captioned it as  _‘I didn’t have a song, until you came along’_ , quoting a song since he wasn’t poetic on his own. Harry had called him immediately after, sounding overwhelmed while immediately reblogging Louis’ post and adding blue and green heart emojis. It was a downward spiral from there for them.

Louis embraced being a tumblr person, posting stuff which was usually about Harry, or the two of them together. It would get a lot of activity since a few people were invested in them, with Liam being the biggest one. People travelled over from Harry’s blog, which was clearly a lot more popular and sent him messages about how cute they were. It was strange at the start but Harry assured him it was all fine. Louis also posted random titbits from his day, mocked Liam and reblogged random stuff. Harry would sometimes send him pictures that he took that clashed with the black and white aesthetic he had. He posted in colour rarely, and that would be when Louis would be involved. There was no theme to Louis’ blog, as it was disorganised and all over the place. But it was alright and fun.

Harry would also ask him to pose for the camera, either for projects or for fun. At first Louis had been hesitant to show his face, telling him convey emotions with just his hand. And somehow Harry did, claiming his hands were plenty expressive on his own and how he could easily be a hand model. Louis had no intention of modelling ever, but his will broke quickly and he let Harry photograph him often. And post. Because Louis was just that whipped.

As Louis watched his phone screen, he got two likes and a reblog from Harry, who added something cheesy below it. Louis shook his head at the ridiculous boy, who was now his boyfriend. It had been months and he couldn’t believe sometimes that he had managed to snag someone so perfect. And whenever Louis would say it, Harry would say it was the opposite for him.

“I really do not get why people like this,” Liam grumbled, snorting as he walked out of his room. He was wearing an odd combination of a buttoned up, formal shirt over his boxers along with a red tie dangling from his neck. Louis gave him a quizzical look, watching as Liam shook his head as he tapped on his phone before laying it down on the counter. He pulled something from the fridge, cradling it to his chest before walking back inside, taking his phone along with him. Louis was still confused about it, shaking his head before looking back at his phone. Liam had just reblogged his post of Harry’s face and it all made sense now.

“Liam, you love us,” he yelled, getting only silence in return. As much as he pretended to be annoyed and tired of them, he really wasn’t. He had joined tumblr shortly after Louis started posting and usually just posted shit. He wasn’t funny, really and Louis reminded him of it a lot. Yet there he was, with what seemed like Louis’ blog notifications on. He was one weird lad, for sure.

Harry let himself in the flat a few minutes later, plopping down beside Louis and kissing him. He had been given the spare keys months back and it often felt like Harry was always at Louis’ place. Not that he minded. He kept his phone aside to make out with his boyfriend, pushing him back so Louis was now on top of him. He smiled, leaning back. “Hey love.”

“Hey you,” Harry whispered, grinning bright before connecting their lips again. “What were you doing?”

“You know very well, H,” Louis replied, laughing as he rested his head on Harry’s chest. Harry laughed before launching into talks about his day. Louis hummed in the pauses he left, feeling Harry’s chest rumbling underneath him. They laid there like that until Liam walked into the living room again, this time wearing trousers. He shot the couple a fond smile before making himself some tea. Harry and Louis continued to watch him curiously before they exchanged a look and sat up. Louis gave his boyfriend a half smile as he picked up his phone and logged on to tumblr to type in a post. They waited for a few seconds until Liam’s phone pinged and he leapt for it halfway across the counter, making the two of them chortle. Liam’s eyes scanned over the words before he looked up and glared.

“This isn’t funny,” he said wryly before pocketing his phone and pouring himself a mug. He rested his hip against the counter as he glowered at them. “Nothing about that post is funny. I do not look like a frazzled lovelorn idiot.”

“You do too,” Louis insisted, making Harry giggle into his shoulder. “Oh come on, Liam, you need to lighten up. Relax a bit.”

“What’s up with him anyway,” Harry asked quietly before laughing again as Liam took a sip and winced. Louis resisted the urge to join in as he looked at Harry’s bright eyes, filled with curiosity and amusement. He was beautiful. “He seems...”

“Wound up, I know,” Louis added, completing Harry’s sentence as he nodded. He leaned in closer to whisper in his ear as if it was a secret, but loud enough to be heard by his friend. “He had a date with that girl he likes. And he’s nervous about it.”

“Really?” Harry teased, stretching the word as he waggled his eyebrows at their friend. Harry had been distrustful of Liam at the start, explaining how it was his irrational jealousy acting up. It wore off eventually, after multiple instance of Louis’ expression his disgust at the idea, usually when Liam was around. His friend would shake his head each time, sighing heavily. Now they were all right, with Harry joining Louis as they teased Liam. “Someone is nervous for his date, I hear.”

“Oh shut up you,” he bit back, washing his cup. “If you can’t help then don’t make it any worse.”

“Oh but we can help,” Louis piped up, smirking at his friend. “Right Harry? We’re so romantic. I can search her blog for you, if you want to message her.”

“And I can help with poems,” Harry joined in, sporting a matching smirk. He raised his hand for a high five and Louis slapped it excitedly.

Liam groaned, shaking his head quickly. “I need no help from you two. Your flirting was weird, your dating is weird and I don’t know how you two ended up together anyway.”

“Hey we’re cute!” Louis yelled as Liam paced back into his room.

“No one is denying that,” Liam yelled back before the door slammed shut and Harry and Louis were chortling together. It was fun.

“So should we get back to kissing?” Harry asked, waggling his eyebrows and looking like a fool. Louis shook his head as he leaned in.

~**~

“Get up, get up,” Harry sang, shaking Louis’ shoulders enthusiastically. Louis though, was not so enthusiastic at the prospect of waking up before the sun had risen. He huffed and grumbled, complaining about how it was a Sunday as he burrowed deeper into his blankets. Harry shook him again, lying down on top of him. “Louis, please come with me?”

Louis sighed heavily as he opened his eyes, graced with the sunshine like smile of Harry’s. It had been a year since their first date in the park, according to Harry. He was planning to commemorate the date, which meant waking up at the same time and seeing the sunrise together. He claimed that this time it would be more romantic than before and Louis gently reminded him that the last time wasn’t romantic at all. Also it was earlier than he had to wake up that day, since this time Harry was sleeping right beside him and had set the alarm for five am. “I hate you so much.”

“And that's fine by me,” Harry chirped, giving him a sloppy kiss on his cheek before bounding out the room like an excited rabbit. Louis smiled in spite of himself, stifling a yawn against the back of his hand before following him out.

It was colder than it had been last year, the temperature having dropped significantly and sent London freezing. Louis pulled his jacket closer as he huddled into Harry’s side for warmth as they made their way to the park. Their visits to the park were frequent now, just at a later hour. The sky was dark, birds probably waking up in their nests and yet again, Louis couldn’t help but think the weather was beautiful. Especially since he's had his favourite person by his side.

“It’s been a year, Lou, can you believe it?” Harry asked, pulling Louis closer as they entered the gate. “I had been so nervous last year, you know, half expecting you to not show up and leave me stranded. I dressed my best and you showed up and I was so mesmerised by your beauty. Have I told you this?”

Louis hummed, smiling to himself. Harry had, in fact, said the same thing multiple times before but he never gets tired of it. It is sort of sweet, Louis thought as he listened to his every ramble. He remembered being just as nervous then, not knowing what to expect. “Are we going to be celebrating the anniversary of this every year?”

“You bet we are,” Harry replied, shoulders shaking with laughter. “I will never let you forget about it and we will commemorate this every year.”

Louis shook his head solemnly. “So it’s an early waking for me each year, huh,” he said but he didn’t really mind it. He would do anything to see that bright smile on his boyfriend’s face. “So what are we doing today?”

“First we’ll watch the sunrise,” Harry said, letting go of Louis’ waist and stepping away with his camera held to his face. “And then you’ll be lying down on this part of the grass and I’ll take your picture.”

“Like in that photo you modelled for your friend right? On the grass.”

Harry hummed, before pulling Louis on the grass. They watched the sunrise, while Harry occasionally took pictures of the skies and birds. After he had Louis lying on the grass, feeling itchy but laughing nevertheless as Harry rambled for no reason. Louis thought he wouldn’t mind the early mornings, if he had to spend time making his boyfriend smile.

This was going on tumblr soon. And maybe tumblr wasn’t such a bad thing.

~**~

_“I do not know if I ever will be complete,_

_But I know whatever I am,_

_You will always be the rest of me.”_

~**~

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Kudos and Comments are appreciated.  
> I'm on [twitter](https://twitter.com/rainbowslovehl) come and say hi (oops).  
> Tumblr post is [ here ](http://rainbowsandlovehl.tumblr.com/post/173808379298/warm-me-like-sunshine-by-rainbowslovehl)


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